You were built for battle; you were made for war!

As I sit here and eat my Captain America fruit snacks (holla'), I think back to last night.  My mind has been blown.

Last night was our annual youth rally that my husband and I started a couple years ago.  It began by seeing a need.  We would take our youth to annual conventions but it began to get more expensive with hotel, meals, transportation and not to mention the registration fee.  We would scramble to try to find ways to raise money and many of the kids just couldn't afford it.  So, we stopped going.

In 2010, Matt said - "Why can't we just hold something here?"

Well, why couldn't we?!

So we planned and scrambled and on very little funds we created an overnight event.  Those that wanted to stay overnight we offered the floor.  We found that overnight is pointless.  While it is good for the fellowship, it does nothing for the spirit.  The youth would stay up so late (as well as the leaders) that when morning came no one could focus and, quite frankly, I just wanted to go to bed.

So we decided to limit it to an all day event the following year in 2011.  That worked amazingly well.

Therefore, we have live music, guest speakers, drama performances, give-aways, a door prize and dinner.  All....for....FREE.  When this began, we knew we wanted it to be free.  If we had to fund raise, borrow, ask for donations, pull money out of our pocket...whatever the case may be, we knew we did not want to charge an admission fee.

And we haven't....and won't.

I never like to speak at these because I do 99% of the planning, the promotions, the booking, the organization, the shopping, etc.  So I feel like speaking just makes the event look like it is a self-promotion of "me".  However, God told me that he wanted me to speak this year and I was like - "God, are you sure?"  Aren't we usually like that when God tells us to do something?  God, the maker of the universe, the creator of all things, the omnipotent, the omnipresent, the lover of my soul - "are you sure?"  I am betting he chuckles when we all to often ask that question.

He said that He was sure and when I whined about it and said that I couldn't give a message like the others.  God just said - "Talk to them" (meaning the audience).

So I planned my message and said "Ok, God.  I am ready." 

Matt, my husband, is a pastor through and through.  He can look at a piece of cardboard and deliver a sermon using it as a message illustration.  Me, I just see a piece of cardboard.  So last night I was good.  I rarely get nervous but once it drew closer to my time to speak, I had to go off alone with God for a minute and whine a bit more.   It went something like this -

Me: "God, I am about to freak out here.  Matt gave a message that was phenomenal.  Shannon delivered such a unique message.  God, I am not sure what I say will hold any value.  I am not sure that what I have to see will hold their interest.  I mean, who wants to hear me?  I am not like Matt or even Shannon, God."

*silence*

Me: "God, you gotta give me something here.  I want you to have the glory and I want to reach this entire sanctuary from the youngest to the oldest but I can't do it without your help.  I am not like Matt who can get up there and preach it like nobodies business."

God: "I never asked you to be them.  I asked you to be you.  That is all I ever wanted."

I like to call that a God Smack.  I was like - whoa.  Ok God, I got this.

So I did my thing, shared my testimony and the altar call was fantastic.

Overall we had 5 youth groups represented there last night and about 130 people in attendance, almost doubled in attendance from last year.

God is good.

A few moments that touched my heart....when we had worship (which was amazingly done by Shannon Callaway and Caleb Coley) I just wanted them to get what it means to worship the King.  We are lifting up praise to Him, giving Him everything we have.  And, boy did they.  There were young girls on their knees during worship, just pouring their hearts out to God.  They were laying it all out there as the crowd around them danced and sang.  They were meeting God, then and there.  They didn't care that there was a room full of people or that no one else was down on the floor.  On their knees, right where they were, they gave it all to God.  Wow.

The second moment was at the end of my message, I delivered an altar call.  I asked who wanted to accept Jesus and many people lifted a hand in the air (praise Jesus) but then I just spoke from my heart to theirs and told them if they wanted stuff to change.  If they wanted to storm the gates and take back what the enemy took from them - their joy, peace, happiness - then when I say "amen" to run forward.  I was getting ready to pray and saw many already making their way to the aisles, unable to contain the need to race to the front and bear their hearts to God.  At the moment I said "amen", it was a rush of young people as they ran down the aisles and fell to their knees to meet God.  There were broken hearts, discouragement and loneliness; all crying out to God.

I merely stood there, almost in tears as I see 90% of the room bowed down.  The altar area was full and so was my heart.  I began to see young people turn to those next to them and wrap their arms around each other and weep.  I saw young men reach out and hold the hand of the young man next to them and pray.  The area was so thick that the prayer warriors had a hard time walking and not stepping on anyone.  And this wasn't for 5 or 10 minutes and then they got up and went back to their seats. Oh no.  This was for an hour.  There was weeping, crying out to God, bowing down to the King of Kings and laying it all out for him to carry.

THAT is why we do this.  We do not do it for personal gain.  There is no personal gain to be had!  We do it to make a difference.  Built for Battle was created to equip this generation with the necessary tools to go out onto the battlefield for friends and family.  This generation is seeking.  There, for a time, people thought young people were lost, hopeless.  However, God has other plans.  He is telling us that if we will just 'talk to them' and let them know that we know what they are going through, they will listen.  If we don't undermine their emotions or say how they are just 'unruly' teenagers, that they will respect us and listen to what we are trying to convey.  They want what everyone wants - love and acceptance.  And if they get it nowhere else, they will get it at B4B......

So, I promised I would post a blog and said I would say next year's theme.  This year's was STORM THE GATES.  So, drum roll please.....

Built for Battle '13

SOUND THE ALARM

Numbers 10:9

"When you go into battle in your own land against an enemy who is oppressing you, sound a blast on the trumpets. Then you will be remembered by the Lord your God and rescued from your enemies."

So, get ready......you think this year blew your mind?  God has already flooded me with ideas for next year.  You are going to FREAK.  Too bad you have to wait a year to find out ;-)

God is good.

Remember - you were built for battle; you were made for war!
 

Whistle while you work....

I am a control freak.  

There.

I said it.

It is a mentality that I am trying to work on.  I have a lot of things going on and when I have an idea, I feel no one can see the vision for it like I can.  I figure no one can do it like I can, therefore if I want it done in a way that I won't worry about it....I must do it myself.

Whew, there are a lot of "I"s in that short paragraph.  The problem with this is I tend to complain when I am tired, achy and just plain fed up.  I take on projects then when I get frustrated because I have so much to do and won't delegate any of it, I will grumble and think that no one even acknowledges the work I do....or cares.

Now, let me say I am not one to accept gratitude and compliments gracefully.  I find it awkward and just smile and say "thanks".  I just want to do the work, get it done and succeed.  I don't need to have my name on anything I do....I just want it done and done right.  Failing is never an option.

The problem with this is I get so stressed out that I make myself sick, my back gets tight and aches, migraines set in and I am just a grump.  Whoa....if I am doing work for the Lord and grumbling about it the entire time, should I be doing it at all? 

We should do the work with a happy heart and without complaint. 

Colossians 3:23 states "Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  

That puts things in perspective, doesn't it?  Perhaps I need to get this one tattooed somewhere so I don't forget it!

"Whatever you do"....that means everything.  That isn't pinpointing a specific task.  It says whatever you do, meaning all you do.  We should do everything as if we are doing the work unto God Himself, not man. 

If you have a job, do it well.  Do it as if you are doing it for the Lord.  Let's face it, ultimately you wouldn't even HAVE the job if it wasn't for the grace of the Father.  Let's be real.

Proverbs 16:3 says that if we commit our work to the Lord then our plans will succeed. 

So, as the busy season is upon me and I try to cram so much stuff into a short amount of time, I need to remember 3 very important things.

1. Work with a joyful heart.  If I grumble and complain while doing the Lord's work, then I shouldn't be doing it at all.

2. Take time out for my family.  I can't run, run, run and do everything without taking a step back, take a deep breath, share some laughter and create some memories.

3. Take time for myself *gasp*.  I rarely do this.  I can never shut my brain off to just relax.  Other ladies talk about bubble baths.  HA!  I jump in the shower and jump out.  I don't have time to waste sitting in water that is going to quickly get cold and has my grime from the day in it - um - ew.   I digress.  I need to just take time to do something I enjoy that doesn't involve the current project I am involved in.  That's a toughie.

So, if I can learn to manage those 3 key points and delegate more, perhaps I wouldn't be so stressed out. 

A girl can dream, can't she?

Crazy love.....

I sit here late this evening and nothing is on television.  I am done working for the day therefore I sit, sipping my tea and flipping the channels.  Without hesitation, I stop on TBN to watch "The Passion of the Christ".  Mel Gibson directed and co-wrote The Passion and it was released in 2004.  It was so graphic that it resulted in an "R" rating.

The Passion depicts Christ's last 12 hours on earth.  Mel Gibson was standing at a window, contemplating jumping out of it.  He thought it would be easier than going on.  It was then that he was reminded of the Gospels and he stepped from the window and hit his knees crying out - "Help".  It was then that he knew he must make this movie.

I know there is controversy with this movie saying the violence is too much or that the blood and gore took away from the message.  I disagree.  I think this movie is anointed from start to finish.  I have watched it many times and cry each time I watch it.  Not just a tear or two but almost a weeping.  Too much violence?  The 'cat of nine tails' they used to scourge Jesus with was a strap of leather with 9 bands fingering from it and on the end of each of those 9 bands was shards of glass and rock.  When it would make contact with the body, it gripped the flesh and ripped it away.  Scripture says that he was beaten so severely that he was no longer even recognized as a human (Isaiah 52:14-15).  So was the movie brutal? Yes!  Then again, so was Christ's flogging and crucifixion.

But this blog is to not debate on what critics have or have not said - what do they know anyway (haha)?

As I watch the movie, my heart goes towards Mary, Jesus' mother.  I think we tend to forget that Jesus had an earthly mother.  She gave 33 years of HER life into raising him.  She gave birth to him, nursed him, watching him grow, fed him, played with him and taught him.  They had a special bond that only a mother and son can have.

She watched him dragged from the garden, persecuted and then beaten brutally.  As a mother of a son, I could not imagine her thoughts at that moment.  The movie was so beautifully done as the camera focused on not only Jesus but also the emotions his mother was going through.

After he was beaten and taken away, Mary lowered herself to the ground and began to mop up the blood with her cloth.  As a mother, I can understand this.  She was "busying" herself as to not deal with what she just saw and what the inevitable outcome was going to be.  She didn't know what else to do.....so she began to clean up her son's blood.

I think we forget that Jesus was a human man.  He felt the same emotions we did, felt pain and sorrow.  He didn't just magically take the beating and had no pain (although he 'could' have if that had been the will of his Father).  He felt every beating.  He felt every nail.  He. Felt. Everything.  He did it all for us.  Wow.  Mind blown.

As he continues down the road, bearing his cross, he falls.  This particular moment makes my heart break.  Mary watches as her son falls and has a flashback to when he was a toddler and falls on the ground.  He cries out and she rushes to his aide.  That is what mothers do.  They know the sound of their child's cry.  They know, just by the sound of the cry, whether that child is truly in pain.  When the mother knows, she rushes to make sure the child is okay.  That flashback helps us, the viewers, make the connection that she is truly his mother in every sense of the word.  And as Christ falls, she rushes to his aide, knowing the cry he lets out is one of true pain.  As a mother, she wants to fix it.  Only this time.....she cannot.

As the tired and beaten Christ makes his way down the road, he flashes back to merely a week prior.  He is riding the colt donkey into the city and the townspeople are waving palm fronds, excited for his arrival.  Those same people who welcomed him gladly, were now condemning him.  How quickly one's opinions of another can easily be swayed.  His heart must have been broken.

When he falls another time, the soldier says that he cannot go on any more and they grab a man from the crowd, Simon.  After much resistance, he helps Christ carry the cross for fear of punishment.  After a few moments, Christ falls yet again and the townspeople swarm in and start to kick and beat on the already fallen man.  Simon screams and yells at them to stop and says - "If you don't stop I won't carry that cross another step.  I don't care what you do to me."  And they all laugh.  Do we have that kind of spiritual courage?  When people are 'beating' up on our Christ do we yell "STOP, I don't care what you do to me......I will not let you beat up on him any more"?  

Jesus hangs on the cross for 6 hours.  Typically a death on the cross was quick due to blood loss or asphyxiation.  However, as he hung there he called out to his father, feeling forsaken but knowing he hasn't been forgotten (don't we feel that way sometimes?).   He looks down and makes sure that not only his mother is taken care of but his beloved John too.  Then he speaks up and asks God to "forgive them, they know not what they do".  He wasn't only speaking of the men there that day.  He was also speaking about us, you and me.  He was already speaking forgiveness over us before we were even a thought in our parents' heads.  On the cross, beaten and bleeding, just had NAILS put through his hands and feet....and his mind was on his mother, his beloved.....and us.

Then as he dies and they lower him down, Mary looks into the camera.  She is looking at us as if we are to blame.  Whenever something doesn't make sense, we try to make it make sense by casting blame somewhere.  As a mother, she was not only mournful but angry.  Yes, he had to die....but in a mother's heart, she probably hoped there was another way.

But.......we also see the 'devil' howl in pain.  Once Jesus took his last breath, the enemy knew the clock has started and his time was short.  He knew he was defeated.  After 3 days, Christ resurrects (there are over 500 different accounts of people seeing the resurrected Christ) and is sure to show himself to his mother and those closest to him before ascending into heaven with promises of a return.

As I said, this movie makes me cry.  However, I feel that watching it helps me realize exactly what he went through.  I have watched other movies depicting Jesus (Jesus of Nazareth was a household favorite growing up) but never have I felt such strong emotions watching one as I do this one.  Never have I seen one depict the brutality of the last few hours of Christ's life.  We need to see that.  We need to understand the price he paid for us.  He did that all for US.  He didn't do it for himself, his mother or even God himself.  He did it so we can live eternally with HIM.

That's some crazy love right there.

Think outside the box....

 
When I mention the "Great Commission" around Bible reading believers, they generally know what I mean.


"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” - Matthew 28:19-20


It seems like a pretty cut and dried command, in my opinion.  "Go", "Make", "Teach" - those are all action words.  Jesus meant for us to be in continual motion.


I enjoy church.  I think those that say 'you don't need church' are missing the mark.  Church is like our spiritual supermarket.  If we didn't go to the supermarket and get food, we would starve.  Sure, we could survive on what we had around the house to sustain us for a little while but we would be malnourished.  The same goes for our spiritual health.  If we do not go to church and get 'fed' the Word, we will starve.  Yes, we can feed ourselves but not having other believers to pour into us will make us spiritually malnourished.


However, as much as I love going to church and meeting God there, it isn't what Jesus commanded us to do.  He didn't say - "Get up on Sundays and go to a building, worship me for 45 minutes, listen to a message for 30 minutes, then go to lunch.  In a week, rinse and repeat."  Jesus was a doer.  He was never in a place where he was at a stale-mate.  He was a mover and a shaker.  He was constantly looking for opportunities to not only help those around him but to be an example to those listening.


Perfect example is found in the Gospel of Luke, chapter 19.

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy.  He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd.  So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”


As the story begins, we see that that Jesus was just passing through Jericho, minding his business.  Enter Zacchaeus into the story.  Right off the get go, it states who he was "a chief tax collector and wealthy".  In Biblical times, tax collectors were viewed as the lowest low even though they were wealthy.  Their wealth came from other people's money, therefore they were not liked very well because they would beat on your door, demanding taxes and if you didn't have it, they would take your home, children, crops, livestock, etc.  They would connive and lie to get it.  Even so, Zacchaeus had heard about this Jesus and wanted to see him but was too short to see over the crowd.


At this point in time, Jesus' reputation had gotten around so wherever he went crowds would gather.  Even though it says Jesus was just passing through, a crowd had already gathered, waiting to see what Jesus was going to do or what miracle he might perform.   So, Zacchaeus saw Jesus coming his way, and he climbed up into a tree to see him.  The Bible says when Jesus got to the tree, "he looked up".  The man did not yell out to Jesus.  He did not drop a stick on his head.  He merely climbed up the tree and waited.  Jesus was the one who looked up.  He was the one who saw Zacchaeus and called out to him.


The people grew angry because Jesus was going to stay at this "sinner's" house.  However, once Zacchaeus experienced the acceptance of Jesus, he offered to turn his life around and make right what was wrong.  Jesus claimed that salvation came to this HOUSE (not just Zacchaeus himself but his house, meaning those inside it) and he clearly stated that the "Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost".


"Seek" and "Save", again - action words.


How often do we leave the comfort of our four walled church and look for those waiting for someone to meet them, to help them, and share the good news?  Jesus was merely passing by and he looked up at Zacchaeus.  He saw him perched in that tree.  Jesus had to look up and above where he was to see a person that was going down the wrong path and needed the realization that there was better.  

We live in communities where people are watching the churched.  They are seeing us get out of our vehicles on Sunday morning, laugh and fellowship in the parking lot on a Wednesday evening, eat and pray over our lunch.....they are sitting in that tree, watching us and waiting for us to lift our heads and take notice of them - to see them and say, "Come down and let me help you".  We don't have to throw the Bible at their heads to get them to come down, sometimes all we need to do is NOTICE them, to accept them for who they are and where they are at - to be seen with them even when society says they are worthless. - to show them love when they feel unloved. 

When Jesus reached out to Zacchaeus, his entire household was saved.  All because a short man couldn't see over the crowd and climbed a tree.


It is a simple concept that many of us have forgotten to grab a hold of.


"Go"
"Make"
"Teach"
"Seek"
"Save"

Church is an amazing thing.  God tells us to not forgo assembly.  It is important.  However, let's not forget that there is an entire world out there, lost and trying to get a glimpse of hope and some will even climb a tree to see it, waiting for us to take notice when we are just passing through. Church isn't merely inside 4 walls.  4 walls is a box and as Christ-followers.....we need to think outside the box.

Quiet nights create deafening silence....

I am a night owl. I always have been really.  I just enjoy the quiet, peaceful evenings.  Growing up in the country with no other homes around, I would open my windows and as the cool breeze ruffled the curtains it would carry the sounds of frogs and crickets.  To me, those sounds are comforting.  Now that I live in a town, I don't hear those sounds too often.  Granted, we have crickets and other wildlife but hearing them blow in on a cool summer's breeze is rare.

Even though, I still enjoy the evenings.  I have the house to myself, everyone is asleep - even the animals drift off into a peaceful slumber.  This is the time that my brain kicks into overdrive which explains why I never sleep.  My brain never shuts down and add a sprinkling of OCD into the mix and insomnia joins the party.  I go in spurts where I never sleep then I go into a season where I want to sleep my life away.  There is no happy medium.  My body just adjusts.  The longest my body refused to sleep was a few months ago where I slept 7 hours in 6 days.  Yes...SEVEN hours in SIX days.  I was cranky, groggy, slap-happy and just miserable.  I wanted to cry I was so exhausted. 

Then there are nights where I merely sit here and think of my past and my future.  I do not look at my past as something negative.  It happened.  Period.  The past is nothing that can be changed; we don't get any "do overs".  However, we don't have to be a victim of it either.  Our past is not who we are it is just a fact of what we have been through. 

I enjoy sharing my testimony and I am planning on sharing it this May at our B4B Youth Rally.  To be honest, at first I was a little intimidated when God told me to share it.  I have shared it with several youth groups but to a large audience that has youth and adults?  *gasp*

However, now I am so excited to share I could puke.  I have been criticized before, being told that I am glorifying my past.  People say that the past should be left there and not revisited while others say I am going for the 'shock' value. 

First off, without my past experiences, I would not be the person I am today.  Each moment in my life - the good and the bad - all lead up to my relationship with Jesus.  If I had not experienced the drug abuse, the self-mutilation or the sexual assaults....I would not be the same individual sitting behind this laptop.  Yes, some of the events resulted in poor choices and circumstance but each one was a stepping stone to the person I am today.  I am not glorifying my mistakes or my failures.  Those are merely facts that occurred in my life.  I do not glorify the sinful nature I fell into but glorify the Savior that brought me out of it! 

Lastly, I do go for the shock value sometimes.  This is true.  We live in a culture where nothing truly shocks or surprises us.  We are so desensitized that nothing out there makes us gasp in horror....it only makes us sigh with pity.  So if I can shock my audience, then maybe that will help them feel something other than being numb.  That way they can feel the tugging on their spirit that Jesus is in fact alive.

I do not hide who I used to be or any aspect of my family life.  I do not hide behind a mask and pretend that the person I am resulted in years of therapy.  I am who I am because when God got a hold of me one Sunday morning, unexpectedly, I was shocked out of my own spiritual numbness and brought forward to feel something once again.  I was so far gone that my toes hung over the edge of the cliff and one whispering breath from the enemy would have sent me over the edge.  No, therapy did not do this.  Sobering up did not do this.  A doctor did not do this.  A new drug did not do this. 

GOD DID THIS.

He took someone so far gone, someone who felt like nothing was worth the effort, someone who resented everything the church stood for, someone who self medicated to escape the world she lived in......and completely turned her around.  That day that I realized God was real and alive and wanted communion with ME, I never looked back.  My eyes remained forward.  I never touched another drug, never drank another beer, never let another razor touch my flesh, never again recited an incantation....

All it takes is one encounter with the living God.  One moment when you realize that there is more to this life.  That you don't have to walk around feeling as if you are alone and that no one cares.  You don't have to cry out in the darkness only to have it fall on deaf ears.  You don't have to slide the razor over your wrists wishing you had the courage to press a little harder.

You. Don't. Have. To......

God is waiting for you to take the step.  He created you, not by accident, but by divine purpose.  Your life has meaning.  Your life has purpose.  God knew you before you were conceived......as he looked down at the world one day, he told the heavenly hosts that he needed to create a human.  He needed to create one that was so powerful, one that was so awesome in power, one that was courageous that the demons tremble.  He would speak of the beauty he would instill in this human, the knowledge, the love, the passion.  He then breathed life into that person and so he/she was created in the womb.  While that person begins to grow and develop, unaware of the amazing potential that he/she possesses, God whispers into his/her spirit one word.....

World-Changer.

And that....is YOU.  

Cast aside the weight of the world and step up to what you are called to do.  All it takes is one willing servant to step up and say "Here I am, Lord.  Send me."

Skool sux

Homeschooling is on the rise.

I used to be an avid advocate of public school.  I envisioned homeschooling as something Amish families did at 5 in the morning before going out and milking the cows.  It has evolved quite a bit from my delusioned ideas.

Statistics show that homeschooling is growing at a steady rate of 15% annually.  Families are turning more towards online education.  So why the steady incline?   According to NCES (Nationwide Middle for Training Statistics) 80% of parents chose to home school their children due to dissatisfaction of the public school environment.

That is no shocker there.  I remember going to school and teachers genuinely cared if I excelled or not.  I had one teacher that made a few snide comments occasionally but he still took the time to make sure I understood the lessons and if I didn't he took the time to help.  I had many teachers that had such a heart for teaching that they were emotionally connected to their students.  They would cry with them in their sorrows and share their laughter in their joys.  They wanted to see their students excel beyond their imagination.

"I could care less about your life outside of this school."


"You are a poor role model and you will never get a job."

"Are you retarded?"

These are the words spoken by various teachers throughout the years to my daughter.  This is not just one teacher, one school.  They were from three separate teachers, from two different schools.  Does this sound encouraging?  Does this sound like someone who wants my child to excel to her fullest potential?

We send our children to a building with various adults and many other children for 7 hours a day and a minimum of 12 years.  Those years are pivotal in a child's development - emotionally as well as academically.  Yet we send them with the best intentions, trusting that they are getting the education that they deserve.  My, have times changed!

I tried homeschooling when my daughter was in 6th grade.  There was an incident that was quite traumatic for her and I will spare the details as to not embarrass her.  It was enough that I pulled her immediately.  We were told the principal would like to speak to us to address the matter because of his concern.  When we got there we were told "he was gone".  When we told the secretary we were there to see about pulling our daughter from school they said "get her stuff and take her".  When we explained she wanted to finish out the day to say good-by to her friends, we were told, "she doesn't need to be here, grab her art of the wall and take her now."   They didn't even ask why or show any concern what so ever.

So I home schooled her the remainder of that year and then the first semester of her 7th grade year until we moved.  At that point, we decided to enroll her into the new school district, hoping location would make the difference.  At first, all was well....but then the bullying and the pressure started.  Work was given that she didn't understand and that wasn't explained to her.....teachers acted like it was a 'bother' when she would ask for any extra help.  She would sign up to volunteer or participate in things and be excluded, so on and so forth. This continued and I would sit her down and tell her to fight through it and do the best she could.  Her grades began to suffer.

Education is vital in my world.  Intelligence is something no one can take from you.  Therefore, when I saw her grades suffering, I knew something was up.  She would turn in assignments and the teacher would say she didn't.  Then when I would email and threaten to come in there, the assignment would show up in a matter of moments.  This happened numerous times.  My daughter would come home in sour moods and talk about how cruel some of the other students were - if not to her, to others.  She would show me the text messages and the emails of the girls that do those things just to be spiteful.  Words that made my daughter devalue herself.  Whether the words were intended to be that way or whether my daughter is being "overly dramatic" (another term teachers like to use), is not the issue.  The issue is no matter if the situations are as harsh as she makes them out to be, in her mind they are just that bad.  In her mind, they are creating a world that she begs to not be part of. 

This past incident wasn't a severely traumatic thing - just some more cyber bullying but nothing that most girls don't do - being catty, as my mom would say.  I suppose it was the straw that broke the camel's back.  So I thought long and hard about it.  I just want her to be happy.  Isn't that any parent's dream?  - their child to be happy and to succeed far greater than they had?

So why would I want to send her to a place that eats her alive then spits her out?  I was always worried about social skills with her because she enjoys having friends and hanging out with others and being home schooled would make that difficult.  Then I thought - why would I want to send her somewhere that creates an environment where she is an outsider looking in?  The beauty is - I. Don't. Have. To.

Homeschooling today is so much different than it used to be.  Everything can be done online and many are accredited.  A recent law states that colleges cannot discriminate on where a student receives their diploma which benefits homeschoolers.  

So, with that being said, my daughter will officially be pulled out of school tomorrow and begin her homeschooling journey.  My son, on the other hand, prefers to go to public school.  That is his choice.  He does well and doesn't seem to have any major issues and if he does, they don't effect him as much as they effect her. 

I guess I am a little sad.  Not sad that she is going to be home schooled but sad that the school system seems to be declining.  To most (not all), it is merely a job to sustain a living....the heart is no longer in it.  The love of children and education is no longer as much of a factor as the paycheck (which is ridiculous in itself).  Those endearing teachers that would hug you when you missed school, checked up on you if you were sick, would stop the bullying instead of turning the other way.....they are all dead and gone.

No.  I am not sad.  I am mournful.  Mournful of what once was but is now long dead.

The extinction of a dying breed.....

I am a bookworm. 

My dad instilled at a young age on the importance of books. He always said a reader never lacked knowledge.  He read - a lot.  My mom would take a mesh sports bag (like football players use to carry their equipment) to our rinky-dink library and look through the books and pick out enough to pack the bag (usually 15-20).  She would them take them home, he would choose the ones he would read and she would take the rest back.  She did this at least once a week.  So my dad would always have a book nearby and he was such a fast reader!  The 10 or so books he would keep from the stock pile my mom chose for him - he would have done in a matter of days.  The library soon knew us by name and would hold back or order books she thought Dad would enjoy.

I remember when my brother read the book "Pet Semetary" and told my dad that it was a good read.  The next morning, Dad said - "You're right, it was a good read."  He had read it in a couple of hours.  He was a speed-reader (then again, the more you do something the better you become at it).  He could look down the middle of a page and see the entire page.  I can read at a pretty good pace but him reading was unreal.

So, yes books have always been a thing in our home. So when I had kids, I wanted so desperately for them to be readers.  I bought them books and read to them and tried everything to get them to enjoy a good book.  My son won't read unless it is required of him.  This saddened me for some time.  He doesn't want to READ?!  The horror!

Then I came to the realization that he just isn't a reader and I am okay with that.  My daughter, on the other hand, is.  Thank you, Jesus.  I don't know if I could bear the thought of them both not wanting to read.  She has her own small library of books and it warms my heart when she asks for a Barnes and Nobles gift card for Christmas or her birthday.

However, I fear that books are on their way towards extinction.  I see everyone with their phones out, reading.  Or I see Ipads, Ipods, Nooks, Kindles, etc. in every one's hands as they download and read the latest top seller.  I want to snap them in half.  Okay, maybe not that extreme but come one!

I had someone ask me not that long ago if I would enjoy a Kindle or some type of electronic book.  "It would be easier, you can take it everywhere and it takes up less space."

NO!  I don't want one, thank you very much.  I ENJOY books and hello - I can take them anywhere just like your little gadget you got there. 

I enjoy the smell of books.  I enjoy holding them in my hands, feeling the cover as the spine crackles when I open it.  I enjoy the feel of the pages as I slowly turn to enjoy the anticipation of the next page.  I always wanted a house with the large libraries you see in the movies - walls and walls of books, large leather chairs, a cherry desk with books strewn about, rich carpets, fireplace and expensive art of people I don't know. 

That is probably never going to happen however, I have convinced Matt into letting me transform our current living room into a small library and I couldn't be more thrilled.  It took compromise - I let him make the downstairs into a theater room, therefore I am making the upstairs into a library.  It's coming along nicely and am excited as I continually add to my collection.

Books - ahhhh, my love for them supersedes many other loves.  I always wonder if it is in the genetic make-up or if it was just a learned behavior taken from my dad and seeing him with a book.  It was normal in our household where Iphones and Ipads are normal for this generation.

It's sad really.  Books are slowly becoming a dying breed.  When you can't find a book anywhere (like trying to find a cassette or a vinyl), come to my house.  You will always find one here.