Change Happens - Embrace it.

My daughter's open house was yesterday.  I often think to myself - how can I possibly be old enough to have two high school graduates?!

I feel like my life has just begun, so to speak.  I feel like I am twenty-something and then I look in the mirror when I first get up and get a smack of reality.  I am not twenty-something and I do have two high school graduates...correction, I have one high school graduate and a son that just finished his first year in college.  Egads!

Back to yesterday.  I have been planning and preparing for this for months, making sure everything was perfect.  Her theme was "Oh, the places you'll go" by Dr. Seuss.  Fitting considering she is going to go into the mission field.

That in of itself is freaking me out a bit.  We always knew she was destined for something great that God has laid out for her.  So when she started talking about missionary work several years ago, it was no surprise really.  She plans to go to an intense training school in August.  Here, we thought we would have her around another year but now things have become real.  Instead of a year, we have only a few months to spend with her.

It's hard.  I am not going to lie.  But I am so excited about what God is going to do in her life.  He is going to rock her world.

She was certainly blessed at her open house.  I am humbled that so many truly love my daughter and want the best for her.  As we did with my son's open house last year, we waited until everyone was gone and the mess cleaned up before she went through her cards and gifts.  We feel this is a time to read what people write and take the time to appreciate the words of encouragements and blessings.  It warmed my heart to know that she is so loved.  She can be a hard person to get close to and she doesn't open her heart up to just anyone.  However, the people that came and showered her with love shows the impact she has made on their lives.

As she goes to the next chapter of her life, she will step into another church family.  While her heart will always have a place for the people of The Bridge, sometimes growth means moving forward.  As she steps into this new family, I can't help but be excited.  She will develop friendships and will have even more "family" to love and support her.  As a mother, that warms my heart to know that I adore her more than words can say but that others love her too.

I am blessed.  I have two amazing kids.  How did I get so lucky?  If I ponder on it too long, I feel my heart will explode with my adoration for those two.  They are my heart walking outside of my body.  They are everything to me.   This is coming from a mom that never wanted kids, that was a strung out addict, a raging alcoholic, was an unfit mother......but God got a hold of this mother and completely turned her around.  This, in turn, affected her children....in a positive way.  I cannot imagine my life without them, nor want to.

While there are often times I wished they were little again, I enjoy the late night talks that I can have that have meaning to them.  I like to see them really ponder on life and question the choices they plan to make and ask my thoughts on the subject.  Yes, I miss the conversations revolved around Rugrats, Bear in the Big Blue House, Big Comfy Couch and CatDog....However, now, I look forward to conversations revolving around cars, marriage, rent and passports.

Sad endings bring forth exciting beginnings.

Through tears of what was, I will share in the excitement and revel in the experiences.  Change happens.  Embrace it.

Who knew?

So, since becoming a "runner" (I use that term loosely), I have discovered a whole new world! 

The big thing now is 'Virtual Running/Races".  This is really a simple concept.  You run on your own time and your own speed.  For example, you sign up to run a 5K (3.1 miles).  You can do it on the treadmill, outside, with friends, alone or an actual 5K race.  You can walk, trot, jog, walk, skip, hop...whatever, as long as you run the distance that is your goal.  Then, in some instances, you send your time and they post it on a leader board and then they mail you a medal.  How cool is that? 

The reason I discovered this hidden gem was I wanted medals when I ran.  A lot of 5Ks don't offer medals.  Some do if you place, but let's be real......me placing is not in the spectrum of likelihood.  However, I still wanted a medal!

So we researched and ordered for our races we participated in.  They proudly hang on my wall.  Soon, however, we were having a hard time finding medals we actually liked.  I tend to be very picky.  Therefore, my husband suggested we make our own.....then we thought, this is a great way to raise money....then we thought why not do it for a cause......genius!

This birthed Medal Mouth - an organization that hosts virtual races throughout the year.  All people have to do is register ($20 for most medals) and run the race before the deadline.  Then their time gets on a leader board and their medal gets shipped to them!   There are a lot of groups and organizations like this but what makes ours stand out is that proceeds from every single race will go towards a cause. 

Currently, we are hosting a Chocolate Run Virtual Race (5K, 10K, 13.1) in honor of Valentine's Day and Easter all rolled into one.  Participants register at www.medalmouth.com by April 5th and receive a 'sweet' medal!  (see what I did there?  SWEET medal, te he).  Proceeds for this race go towards missions - which you can read more on the Medal Mouth website!

Next race will go to bring awareness to Autism (April is Autism Awareness month!).  So give our facebook page a like for upcoming races and join the fun!

**note - if you do not want to run the race but wish to donate....just go ahead and purchase a medal anyway!  You can proudly display it as a reminder of the good you have participated in!

Tough Decisions Birth Growth

Some decisions are tough.  That is an understatement!

Some times we fear what others will think.  Often times we wonder if the decision is the right one.  However, after much thought and prayer, I feel this is the right one....

Built for Battle will not take place this year.

I know....don't hate me!  Hear me out!

Built for Battle was birthed in 2010.  We wanted to create a youth event that didn't cost youth groups and churches a fortune.  It started small and on a shoestring budget but we did it!   Since then, we have done a total of 5 events.  Each one holds a special place in my heart and have loved the friends and connections I have made through them.

So if I love it so much.....why not this year?

There are several reasons.  However, the one that takes the most precedence is this....we wanted to create an event for youth groups to attend and connect.  However, we also wanted to use it as a tool to reach the lost.  We had hoped we would pull in other youth that are not part of a group or church and be able to minister and show them a love they were desperately needing.  While we had a few young people (and adults) come through our doors and leave changed, it wasn't fulfilling the goal we had.  Do not get me wrong.....I cherish everyone that has came to our events and those that have supported us.  I have felt eternally grateful to God for allowing us to minister to the young people of this generation as well as adults.  I praise God for those that came not knowing Him and left knowing the unbiased love of the Father. 

However, there had to be a better way.  What we found was we were hosting an event for adults and youth that ALREADY knew Christ.  They knew His love and understood His forgiveness and were part of a loving church with amazing pastors.  We were catering to those already secured in Christ.  That is not our mission.

So, we decided to do something new this year.  Well, it may be new to some but it is an old friend of ours.

Many years ago, we tried to resurrect Fear Factory (many know what I am talking about - our Halloween outreach).  However, that year it just wasn't going to happen.  The weather and time was against us.  Therefore, we gave up.   It just wasn't going to happen.  However, we wanted to do something.....so Matt and I created an event called Taking Back Halloween.  If you remember this event, you rock!

Taking Back Halloween was a concert.  We just had music, a drama presentation and a brief message.  Why the name?  We, as Christians, sometimes cower from Halloween.  We deem it "the devil's holiday".  We are here to claim that the devil doesn't OWN any days - they all belong to the Lord!  Whether it is January 1st, April 10th....or October 31st, they are all His!

So, this year, we are bringing it back!  We are going to book a band (if interested, contact me) and have a fun night of just some music and ministry.  Music brings people together, no matter their religious background - or lack thereof.  We are hoping this peaks interest in our community as well as the surrounding communities to show that church is not a stiff place you should be afraid of.  On the contrary!  It is a place of fun, joy, peace, love and acceptance!  We want to roll all that up into the package known as Taking Back Halloween.

More info will be coming as the year progresses.  We are pretty excited about this.  We know it is God given and He has confirmed it with us.  God knows me so well!  I hate to move from something I am comfortable with to something different without a solid "okay" from Him!

So be on the look out because in October we are TAKING BACK HALLOWEEN!


"THIS is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it."  -Psalm 118:24

It's Never Too Late

So, around this time last year I made the decision to start going to the gym.  I had always refused to go no matter how many times my husband assured me it would be okay.  I envisioned the gym full of brick houses that gracefully run on the treadmill while I ran and panted like a hippo on dry land.  However, on a whim, we went to check it out.

And that is exactly what I saw.  Everyone was lifting weights, fit and look like they were going to bust somebody up as they walked around all macho-like.  But, I signed up.  They were having a Biggest Loser competition and we joined.  That was the momentum I needed. 

As I look back on the year, I can't believe what I have accomplished.  I have lost 90 pounds, developed muscles that were dormant most of my life and realized I am stronger than I give myself credit for.  Granted, it hasn't been easy.  There were days I let the scale define me a little too much; days I let the scale set the mood for the day.  However, once I got off the pity train, I focused and got right back at it.  Kind of where I am now. 

The holidays came and went and they left about 5 pounds with me.  They are so generous.  Not only that, but the eating of foods that I have avoided has triggered in my head the addiction I have.  It is like an addict that doesn't do anything for awhile but all it takes is one time to get the body back into the routine.  It is like the body says - "Oh, yea....I remember this feeling".   So, it is like I am starting over - only this time I know I can do it.  

I have ran three 5K races.  That, in itself, is amazing to me.  I hate running.  I really do.  But I love the competition of running.  I love the adrenaline I get when I cross the finish line.   I started running on a serious, more regiment level, November 11th.  I started out at 40 min 10 sec (for 3.1 miles; 5K).  On the treadmill, training, I now run it around 33 minutes.  When I run outside it is under 31 minutes.  I am shooting for under 30 minutes outside.  One day.

This year is no different than last.  I have fears, goals and apprehension.  I have another child graduating high school.  Then I won't have any kids in high school at all.  Crazy thought.  I turn 40 this year.  *gulp*.  There are some changes coming that I am both excited for and freaked out about all at the same time.  And goals - I want to lose 20 pounds this year and run as many 5Ks as I possibly can.   Crazy that I think about running, running gear, running shoes.....I would say I have an obsessive personality.  When I go for something, I don't just go for it a little bit.

So, that being said - bring on the new year.  This one is going to be better than the last.  I may be turning 40 but I am in the best shape of my entire life.  It is never too late.

Traditions Make Memories; Memories Last a Lifetime

So Christmas is over.  Thank goodness.

Don't get me wrong - I appreciate Christmas and all it stands for.  I just have no Christmas joy like others do, I guess.  I am not sure I ever have either.  I try.  We went to Beef & Boards production of "A Christmas Carol" (our 3rd time seeing it).  We went to Chicago to see the lights at the zoo.  We went to our church's special Christmas programs.  I put a tree up, made some cookies, wrapped presents.......but I was just going through the motions.

Depressing, isn't it?

However, despite my lack of Christmas cheer, I did have a good Christmas.  I feel like I have eaten more than I care to admit but it isn't the end of the world.  What I eat between Christmas and New Year's is not as relevant as what I eat between New Year's and Christmas.  Therefore, I partook in my share of cookies, puddings and carbs.  My body is letting me know that I was naughty but that's okay. 

We do have a few traditions that we continue on no matter where my kids are in life or their ages.  One is that we always have cinnamon rolls Christmas morning.   One year I decided not to do cinnamon rolls. and on Christmas Eve my kids were asking where they were.  Once I said I decided not to make them that year, they were not happy with me.  My husband took our dog out to potty and was gone longer than normal.  When he returned, he had a small foil pan with a bow on it.  Some older gentleman saw him outside and handed it to him with a Merry Christmas saying he was handing out goodies throughout the area.  My first thought was - freak, but we put them in the fridge with no thought and not even looking to see what it was. 

I had forgotten about them and when I remembered, I peeked under the foil and guess what was there?  Cinnamon rolls - 4 of them!  Who gives out cinnamon rolls??  My kids and I chalk it up to an angel, believe what you will.  God knew how much 4 cinnamon rolls meant to my kids and our Christmas and since I foolishly neglected them, He brought them to us. 

Another is that Matt always hands out the gifts.  This year my kids asked why Matt always did it.  I didn't really have a specific answer other than my dad always did it growing up.  It was like the man of the house hands them out.  It may be weird but that is the way it has always been.

Something else we have always done is the kids open first and alternate.  My son would open one, then my daughter, then son, etc.  I do this so that they can appreciate what they got, they can thank whomever bought it and they take a moment to not think just about what they are getting but to appreciate what everyone has gotten.  Then Matt and I open ours.  It slows down the moment.  The morning is not just a frenzy of paper and bows but of taking our time and appreciating each moment.

Also, our kids have never believed in Santa Claus.  Ever.  I cannot remember a time I have ever believed in him and I just never passed it on to my kids.  I just didn't want to lie to my kids for the first impressionable years of their lives.  My family said I took away from the magic of Christmas and others would say I was being a Grinch.  Funny.....my kids never said - "Man I wished we believed in Santa."  They enjoyed the holiday and made memories.

Lastly, even though my kids didn't believe in Santa, I still waited until they were asleep and filled their stockings.  They would wake up before me and find their stockings filled with candy and surprises.  While they always knew it was us doing it, they never questioned us as to why we do it.  It was always just something fun for them to wake to and tied them over until we opened gifts.

With that being said - we had cinnamon rolls, we patiently took turns opening the gifts as Matt passed them out and while my kids never gave credit to some fictitious, jolly dude. they woke to filled stockings.

Christmas time brings the blues for most, present author included.  I miss my dad, I miss the times I used to have with family (whom I didn't see one of them this year for the holiday) and I feel like time is just passing me by while I sit idle.  However, as I sat and played cards for hours with my kids.....I can't help by have a full heart. 

The Gauntlet's Been Dropped

I often wonder if people get sick of hearing about my journey to a healthier me.  Then I snap out of it and say to myself - I don't care if they are!  I am proud of what I have accomplished and I have hopes to inspire others to take the steps to become the healthiest they can be!

So with that being said, I ran my first 5k on Thanksgiving.  While most of you were waking to the smell of turkey cooking and pies cooling, I woke up to a bowl of oatmeal and tennis shoes.

I didn't think I would be so nervous, but I was.  I had thoughts that I would do terrible.  That I would get going and have to stop, walk or crawl and look a fool.  Or maybe I would just throw my hands up and say 'forget this!'.   Once I got there, however, all my apprehension melted away as I saw all ages, sizes and fitness levels.  There was a buzz of excitement as people milled around waiting for the race to start.

Me, having never done a 5k before, just stood there like a fool.  Then I thought that perhaps I should get my music all ready.  I had just bought an arm band, and was ready to just zone out.  Needless to say, I couldn't get the stupid thing on just right and once I did, the race started (which I wasn't even aware of until I saw the wave of people around me moving).  Then my music stopped.  So I ran the entire race with no music and my headphones in my hands because I had no pockets. Fantastic.

So, I had one goal and one goal only - to beat my fellow runner (no need to mention names here, he knows who he is!).  I saw him ahead of me after the first 5 minutes.  I kept him in my line of sight. 

One mile passed and I actually felt pretty good.  I thought to myself, I got this.  A woman jogged up next to me.  She looked fit and looked the part with her running outfit, headphones (her music was working just fine) and running shoes.  She asked if she could pace herself with me and I thought - seriously?  I feel like a stampeding rhino and you wanna run with me?  She spoke with ease while I wheezed and puffed out a meager - "yea, sure".

As I turned a corner, I took that moment to push a little harder and soon passed he-who-shall-not-be-named.  I was in the zone.  When I run, I typically am unaware of nothing else other than what I am doing.  This was my first time running outside.  However, on the treadmill I break it down into sections - 1 mile, 2 miles, 3 miles then the .10 mile.  Here, I had no idea where I was.  All I kept doing was looking straight ahead and focusing on pushing through.  I kept telling myself - "You got this.  You can do this.  You are doing this.  You have done this before on the treadmill.  Don't stop."   That was a big one because a couple times, I just wanted to stop and walk like some others were doing.  However, I knew if I did that getting back up to a good pace would be near impossible.  I just had to keep trucking.

It was a good thing that I didn't have music because he-who-shall-not-be-named was behind me.  I could hear him catching up and everytime I thought he was close, I would push through a little harder and get a few more feet between us.  The finish line was soon in my sights and I could hear him getting closer.  I pushed with everything I had (and feared falling on my face) and finished with him right behind me. 

I did it!  The high I felt was unreal.  I just ran a 5k; I just ran 3.1 miles.  I was a runner!  Say what?!  Seriously, I look back on this journey and never thought I would be here.

Granted, I still hate running.  I don't think I will ever like it.  But I like the challenge, I like the competition (even with myself) and I like the feeling of empowerment I get.

I am running another one this weekend.  The gauntlet has been dropped.  I have a feeling I am going to have to push even harder because someone will make it his mission to beat me this time around.

Challenge accepted.



By the way - my time was 31.24; which blew my mind.  He-who-shall-not-be-named?  31.26 - that's right.....2 seconds!

I finished!

We did it!

Running is of the Devil

I am not a runner.

I always say - if you see me running, you had better start running too because something is after me.

I hate it, loathe it, despise it!

I see people who say they love to run.  How it is so invigorating and they enjoy it.  How in the world do they enjoy it?  My legs scream for me to stop, my side feels like it is going to explode, my face flushes, I sweat more than any human should, I gasp for air like a fish out of water - excuse me?  But what part of that is "fun"?

Running is a big calorie burn.  It is great for the heart, lungs and muscles.  Therefore, I decided to make an effort to run several times a week.  I did....even though I had to make myself do it. Every.Single.Time.  But I did it.

I go to the gym a lot and do various fitness classes so for awhile I put the running to the side because I figured why do it if I didn't really HAVE to?  Recently, a friend brought to my attention a couple 5Ks coming up in our town.  Matt and I always said next year we were going to try our legs out on some 5Ks.  But when these were shown to me, I thought - why not?  So, time to get on that proverbial horse and beat the dreaded treadmill into submission.

I set a goal to do a 5K on the treadmill at least 5 times a week.  It didn't matter if I walked or ran, I just needed to finish.  I had tried the C25K (couch to 5K) but I figured I would just go into it full force.  The first day I started, I did a steady jog at 4.5 mph.  Not too bad.  I stopped a couple times to get a drink (it is hard to get a drink of water when you are galloping like a horse) and to towel off.  I ran it in just over 40 minutes.  Not bad for a first time, in my opinion.  My second day I shaved about 1.5 minutes off and did it in 38.37 minutes.  I had to skip a day because I wasn't home but the third day I was determined to get under 38 and skimmed it by the hair of my teeth and ran it at 37.58. 

While I know treadmill running is completely different than road running, I am well on my way to not finishing dead last.  That is my primary goal - not to be dead last and to at least finish.  I got this.

So if I hate running so much, why do I do it?  Well, there are the health benefits, obviously.  And as much as I hate it, it burns around 500 calories in a 40 minute run.  It would take me over an hour to burn that on an exercise bike.  There is something empowering about running too.  A year ago, I couldn't even jog a half mile.  I was carrying 90 extra pounds and just the thought of running made me sweat.  So for me to run a straight 3 miles without stopping or feeling like I am going to die, is huge!  I feel so accomplished and so proud of myself.

Afterwards, my legs are jelly, I am covered in sweat and my knees protest but as I catch my breath and rehydrate, I realize.....I am a runner.

I run.  I may not be graceful.  I may sound like a dying whale lying on the shore.  I may look like a hot mess.  I may even have to slow to a fast paced walk for a moment just to compose myself......

But I run.

I am 39 years old and I am in the best shape of my life.  I still feel I have a little ways to arrive to where I want to be but I am well on my way.  It is never too late.  There will always be an excuse.  There will always be a "will start tomorrow" mentality.  Make TODAY your TOMORROW.  Start small and one day you will wake up and realize you can do anything you put your mind to.

Even doing something that you hate. (haha)