I don't handle change well.....

*sigh*

As the years go by, I get a little more freaked out.  My kids both have birthdays coming up, Cheyenne's is today and Caleb's is in July.  They are growing up so fast and soon driving will be introduced, college choices will be discovered and the work force will be part of their lives.  That literally freaks me out.

I always thought I would be okay when the time came for all of the milestones to hit.  However, I am quickly realizing that I am not ready for them at all.  Honestly, it makes me want to cry.  I try to remind myself that there is a season for everything and as they get older, the seasons may change but each one is good in a different way.   As much as I tell myself this, it doesn't change the fact that I don't like the thought of my kids dating, driving or leaving home.   I don't know if I can deal with it.

With that being said, today is my daughter's birthday.  She is an absolutely amazing young lady.  She was born via C-Section (scheduled) and it was not a pleasant experience.  I had my son via C-Section and it was a breeze, however Cheyenne decided to be difficult and she has been quite the opinionated one ever since she could voice her opinion.

She was a pretty adorable kid.  She had brown hair, blue eyes and a smile that would melt the hardest hearts.  She had a pacifier until she was almost 4.  There were many times we made late night runs to Wal-Mart for fear of no sleep because of a screaming toddler demanding her comforting pacifier.  She would talk and we would always say - "Sis, take the nuk out."  She would pluck it from her mouth, say what needed to be said, then pop it right back in.  Many times she would just try to talk around it, sounding a wee bit like Sylvester the cat.

Speaking of talking, her speech was pretty bad.  It wasn't until she was about 6 years old that other people outside of us could understand her.  Her therapist said she had a condition where her brain liked to omit or switch letters.  So for the word "like" she may say "ike" or for "that" she may say "thaz".  They explained it like a light switch that was off and they had to teach her how to turn it on.  It was very frustrating for her.  She would try and try to communicate and we would have to translate.  There were times even we had no idea what she was saying and would have to ask her brother, Caleb.  He always understood her.  It was so bad we called it "Chey-nese".  Three years of speech and she is good to go.  There are still some words she struggles with but over all she has come a long way.

She was the one who got us into church.  Without her persistence, we may never have went.  Thank God He used her to reach us.  She was baptized at the age of 8 and has loved God and the church ever since.

She has been a tremendous blessing to us.  She is so smart and funny and she marches to the beat of her own drum.  There are times she wears something that makes me raise my eyebrows but then I laugh it off because she is who she is.  I raised her to be herself and be happy with who she is - and she is just that. 

So, in light of her birthday, I just wanted to jot down some things that make me smile as I think back on her last 15 years......

She loved Teletubbies - LaLa was her favorite (she said Ya-Ya)
Her nuk (pacifier) was part of her body for 4 years of her life.
She loved to cuddle, and still does.
She loves animals.
She loves her friends dearly.
She is quick to anger but also quick to forgive.
She enjoys just being around people.
She wanted to be a culinary artist but is now thinking of psychology.
She loves to bake and cook.
She loves to draw and is quite good at it.
She loves - LOVES - unicorns and believes that God has one on standby for when she gets to heaven (and I believe that too).
She isn't quick to give her heart away.
She loves God.
She has passion in everything she does.
Her favorite colors are purple and pink.
She loves books and reading.
She still watches Clubhouse Disney in the mornings.
She has an imagination that cannot be surpassed.
Her feelings get hurt easily but only because she loves so passionately.
She has her own sense of style.
She is quick witted.
She is and always has been a clown, loving to make people laugh.
She is smart and surprises me daily.
She has an amazing singing voice.
She is cute as a button.
She used to play in the dryer when she was little.
For the first 5 years of  her life, it wasn't uncommon for us to wake up with her in the bed with us.
I adore her and am truly blessed that God chose me to be her mother.

With that being said, here is my prayer for her --

I pray that you seek God with your whole heart and never stop.  I pray that as you grow older and boys come and go, that the one God has chosen for you will have to seek out God to get to you.  I pray he is smart, funny and treats you like the princess you are.  I pray that he is as unique and amazing as you are so that you both can laugh as you watch Spongebob together.  I pray that the journey you take on this earth is abundantly blessed.  I pray that everything your hands touch and every place your feet land are a blessing to God.  I pray that as you transition from your teen years into adulthood that you take a deep breath and enjoy the little things around you.  I pray that the choices you make are wise ones and that you include me in your life long after you are a mother of your own.  I pray that you never get tired of me calling you, meddling in your life or just being there when you need someone.  I pray that you always laugh hard and play in the rain.  I pray that you seek out happiness even when the world seems against you.  I pray that whenever and wherever you are in life, you will always know that I love you and that I will drop everything to be there for you.  


Most of all, I pray for happiness.  


I love you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHEYENNE!

You were built for battle; you were made for war!

As I sit here and eat my Captain America fruit snacks (holla'), I think back to last night.  My mind has been blown.

Last night was our annual youth rally that my husband and I started a couple years ago.  It began by seeing a need.  We would take our youth to annual conventions but it began to get more expensive with hotel, meals, transportation and not to mention the registration fee.  We would scramble to try to find ways to raise money and many of the kids just couldn't afford it.  So, we stopped going.

In 2010, Matt said - "Why can't we just hold something here?"

Well, why couldn't we?!

So we planned and scrambled and on very little funds we created an overnight event.  Those that wanted to stay overnight we offered the floor.  We found that overnight is pointless.  While it is good for the fellowship, it does nothing for the spirit.  The youth would stay up so late (as well as the leaders) that when morning came no one could focus and, quite frankly, I just wanted to go to bed.

So we decided to limit it to an all day event the following year in 2011.  That worked amazingly well.

Therefore, we have live music, guest speakers, drama performances, give-aways, a door prize and dinner.  All....for....FREE.  When this began, we knew we wanted it to be free.  If we had to fund raise, borrow, ask for donations, pull money out of our pocket...whatever the case may be, we knew we did not want to charge an admission fee.

And we haven't....and won't.

I never like to speak at these because I do 99% of the planning, the promotions, the booking, the organization, the shopping, etc.  So I feel like speaking just makes the event look like it is a self-promotion of "me".  However, God told me that he wanted me to speak this year and I was like - "God, are you sure?"  Aren't we usually like that when God tells us to do something?  God, the maker of the universe, the creator of all things, the omnipotent, the omnipresent, the lover of my soul - "are you sure?"  I am betting he chuckles when we all to often ask that question.

He said that He was sure and when I whined about it and said that I couldn't give a message like the others.  God just said - "Talk to them" (meaning the audience).

So I planned my message and said "Ok, God.  I am ready." 

Matt, my husband, is a pastor through and through.  He can look at a piece of cardboard and deliver a sermon using it as a message illustration.  Me, I just see a piece of cardboard.  So last night I was good.  I rarely get nervous but once it drew closer to my time to speak, I had to go off alone with God for a minute and whine a bit more.   It went something like this -

Me: "God, I am about to freak out here.  Matt gave a message that was phenomenal.  Shannon delivered such a unique message.  God, I am not sure what I say will hold any value.  I am not sure that what I have to see will hold their interest.  I mean, who wants to hear me?  I am not like Matt or even Shannon, God."

*silence*

Me: "God, you gotta give me something here.  I want you to have the glory and I want to reach this entire sanctuary from the youngest to the oldest but I can't do it without your help.  I am not like Matt who can get up there and preach it like nobodies business."

God: "I never asked you to be them.  I asked you to be you.  That is all I ever wanted."

I like to call that a God Smack.  I was like - whoa.  Ok God, I got this.

So I did my thing, shared my testimony and the altar call was fantastic.

Overall we had 5 youth groups represented there last night and about 130 people in attendance, almost doubled in attendance from last year.

God is good.

A few moments that touched my heart....when we had worship (which was amazingly done by Shannon Callaway and Caleb Coley) I just wanted them to get what it means to worship the King.  We are lifting up praise to Him, giving Him everything we have.  And, boy did they.  There were young girls on their knees during worship, just pouring their hearts out to God.  They were laying it all out there as the crowd around them danced and sang.  They were meeting God, then and there.  They didn't care that there was a room full of people or that no one else was down on the floor.  On their knees, right where they were, they gave it all to God.  Wow.

The second moment was at the end of my message, I delivered an altar call.  I asked who wanted to accept Jesus and many people lifted a hand in the air (praise Jesus) but then I just spoke from my heart to theirs and told them if they wanted stuff to change.  If they wanted to storm the gates and take back what the enemy took from them - their joy, peace, happiness - then when I say "amen" to run forward.  I was getting ready to pray and saw many already making their way to the aisles, unable to contain the need to race to the front and bear their hearts to God.  At the moment I said "amen", it was a rush of young people as they ran down the aisles and fell to their knees to meet God.  There were broken hearts, discouragement and loneliness; all crying out to God.

I merely stood there, almost in tears as I see 90% of the room bowed down.  The altar area was full and so was my heart.  I began to see young people turn to those next to them and wrap their arms around each other and weep.  I saw young men reach out and hold the hand of the young man next to them and pray.  The area was so thick that the prayer warriors had a hard time walking and not stepping on anyone.  And this wasn't for 5 or 10 minutes and then they got up and went back to their seats. Oh no.  This was for an hour.  There was weeping, crying out to God, bowing down to the King of Kings and laying it all out for him to carry.

THAT is why we do this.  We do not do it for personal gain.  There is no personal gain to be had!  We do it to make a difference.  Built for Battle was created to equip this generation with the necessary tools to go out onto the battlefield for friends and family.  This generation is seeking.  There, for a time, people thought young people were lost, hopeless.  However, God has other plans.  He is telling us that if we will just 'talk to them' and let them know that we know what they are going through, they will listen.  If we don't undermine their emotions or say how they are just 'unruly' teenagers, that they will respect us and listen to what we are trying to convey.  They want what everyone wants - love and acceptance.  And if they get it nowhere else, they will get it at B4B......

So, I promised I would post a blog and said I would say next year's theme.  This year's was STORM THE GATES.  So, drum roll please.....

Built for Battle '13

SOUND THE ALARM

Numbers 10:9

"When you go into battle in your own land against an enemy who is oppressing you, sound a blast on the trumpets. Then you will be remembered by the Lord your God and rescued from your enemies."

So, get ready......you think this year blew your mind?  God has already flooded me with ideas for next year.  You are going to FREAK.  Too bad you have to wait a year to find out ;-)

God is good.

Remember - you were built for battle; you were made for war!
 

Whistle while you work....

I am a control freak.  

There.

I said it.

It is a mentality that I am trying to work on.  I have a lot of things going on and when I have an idea, I feel no one can see the vision for it like I can.  I figure no one can do it like I can, therefore if I want it done in a way that I won't worry about it....I must do it myself.

Whew, there are a lot of "I"s in that short paragraph.  The problem with this is I tend to complain when I am tired, achy and just plain fed up.  I take on projects then when I get frustrated because I have so much to do and won't delegate any of it, I will grumble and think that no one even acknowledges the work I do....or cares.

Now, let me say I am not one to accept gratitude and compliments gracefully.  I find it awkward and just smile and say "thanks".  I just want to do the work, get it done and succeed.  I don't need to have my name on anything I do....I just want it done and done right.  Failing is never an option.

The problem with this is I get so stressed out that I make myself sick, my back gets tight and aches, migraines set in and I am just a grump.  Whoa....if I am doing work for the Lord and grumbling about it the entire time, should I be doing it at all? 

We should do the work with a happy heart and without complaint. 

Colossians 3:23 states "Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  

That puts things in perspective, doesn't it?  Perhaps I need to get this one tattooed somewhere so I don't forget it!

"Whatever you do"....that means everything.  That isn't pinpointing a specific task.  It says whatever you do, meaning all you do.  We should do everything as if we are doing the work unto God Himself, not man. 

If you have a job, do it well.  Do it as if you are doing it for the Lord.  Let's face it, ultimately you wouldn't even HAVE the job if it wasn't for the grace of the Father.  Let's be real.

Proverbs 16:3 says that if we commit our work to the Lord then our plans will succeed. 

So, as the busy season is upon me and I try to cram so much stuff into a short amount of time, I need to remember 3 very important things.

1. Work with a joyful heart.  If I grumble and complain while doing the Lord's work, then I shouldn't be doing it at all.

2. Take time out for my family.  I can't run, run, run and do everything without taking a step back, take a deep breath, share some laughter and create some memories.

3. Take time for myself *gasp*.  I rarely do this.  I can never shut my brain off to just relax.  Other ladies talk about bubble baths.  HA!  I jump in the shower and jump out.  I don't have time to waste sitting in water that is going to quickly get cold and has my grime from the day in it - um - ew.   I digress.  I need to just take time to do something I enjoy that doesn't involve the current project I am involved in.  That's a toughie.

So, if I can learn to manage those 3 key points and delegate more, perhaps I wouldn't be so stressed out. 

A girl can dream, can't she?