This is me....nothing more, nothing less: Where is the Pause Button?

Life is full of change. For someone who is a creature of habit, this is foreboding. No matter how much I dwell on it, no matter how much I shed a tear - it isn't going to stop the days from ticking by.

Tomorrow, my son turns 18. I seriously cannot believe it. I say that just about every year since he was 10 but this year, it is hitting me right between the eyes. He will be an adult. He no longer needs me to sign for him - for anything. He is going into his senior year and I will soon be thinking about senior pictures, graduation and an open house. This is it. This is the moment I have raised my kids for. The moment that they become adults and start their lives. Granted, I know he isn't packed and ready to leave the house and nothing has changed as far as who he is and our relationship with one another but I cannot help but be a little sad.

That chubby, round faced little boy is no longer evident in the man that calls me mom. How can a mother not feel a sense of mourning? - mourning for a childhood gone. A relationship between a mother and a son is special, especially ours. We have been through a lot together, he and I. I enjoy his company and sitting and talking with him. He has went from being completely dependent on me to being one of my friends. That, in itself, is pretty cool.

I remember, when my kids were little, saying I could not wait for them to grow up and be independent, move out, etc. Now, I wish I could get those moments back. I was young when I had Caleb. I had no idea what I was doing and made some pretty big mistakes and took the experience for granted. There are many times I wished I had just enjoyed the moment - enjoyed him crawling in my lap, enjoyed him smearing ravioli all over his face, enjoyed his cute dances he did when his favorite tv shows came on, enjoyed his elf-like voice calling me mommy, enjoyed him crawling in bed with me.......so many things I took for granted.

However, he is a pretty amazing young man. He is crazy smart and has great expectations for his life that I have no doubt he will fulfill. He is stubborn.....very stubborn and will stand by what he believes and thinks no matter what adversity comes against him. He is loyal. If he considers you a friend, you are his friend. Period. He has a gentle spirit about him, rarely does he say a negative word about anyone. He has a sense of humor that is incomparable. Even on the worst days, he can make me laugh. He isn't embarassed that I am his mom as most teenagers are.

I adore him. I pray that he doesn't move far when the time comes but if he does, he knows that I am merely a phone call away.

So, as I always do, my prayer for him....

I pray that you find happiness in every aspect of your life. I pray that you continue to love and show passion about things/people that interest you. I pray you are successful and you are doing what you love. It makes it easier to get up and go to work if you love what you do. I pray you set goals and strive to achieve them. I pray you never stop learning and that you set your standards on yourself high because you deserve the best. I pray that you will always know that my home is an open door. No matter the reason, you are always welcome. I pray that you want to come home from time to time. I pray that you know that I am your biggest fan you will ever have. No matter if you get married and have kids, I will be your biggest supporter. Know that when you do get married, that she will be part of the family, so please make sure she respects me and I pray that I love her as much as you will. I pray that she loves music as much as you do, she knows her way around an Xbox, loves Adventure Time, enjoys a cold Dr. Pepper from time to time, laughs at the silly things in life, isn't afraid of failure nor making a fool of herself and above all - loves God more than you.

With all that said, just know that no matter where you are or who you are surrounded by, no one will love you more than I. I pray peace, happiness, lots of love, joy and success over you daily and forever.

I love you.
Mom.