On the Outside Looking In

Feeling left out.

I think that is one of the worst feelings in the world.  Looking over at a group of your peers and seeing them laugh and connect in a way that is endearing only to not be part of that connection.  I am a people watcher.  In a group setting, no matter the size of the group, I watch people.  I take in their quirks, their mannerisms and their emotions.  I calculate it all in my mind like a mainstream computer and can get a pretty good feel for someone quickly.  Being a people watcher, I notice things.  I see the groups standing to the side laughing loudly for all to hear and see the one person sitting alone.  That solitary person's glances their way as he/she gets up to find a reason to walk past the group.  That solitary person that steals a glance their way with hopeful eyes wishing nothing more than to be drawn into their conversation.  That solitary person that acts like he/she doesn't care but in reality it hurts in way like no other. 

And yet the group doesn't even know.  They continue to guffaw, slap each other on the back and talk about upcoming plans that don't involve everyone.  It infuriates me.

I often tell people to be aware of those around you.  If you are going to talk about fun plans, don't do it around people you have no intentions of inviting.  Don't talk about have a fun "girl's day" around a young girl that wants nothing more than to be invited if you aren't going to invite her.  Don't talk about a "guy's day" around a guy that you don't plan to invite, creating an awkwardness.  Talk about those things in private with one another.  Don't huddle together in the corner of the room and laugh loud enough for all to hear but talk in a voice just above a whisper.  We know you are there.  We see you in your cliche.  Stop drawing attention to yourselves and making those not inside the circle painfully aware that they are on the outside.

I am not saying I am perfect and always see these situations in my own life.  I do try though.  I am not an extrovert by any means.  I tend to keep to myself, rather quiet and task orientated.  In being so, people think I am not a happy person or that I am angry all the time because my face holds a look of determination.  Not so!  However, being an introvert, I may not be the first person to start a conversation however, I do notice when someone sits a little closer, hoping to be drawn in.  Or perhaps they are in the middle of the group that is speaking of going out and they laugh a little louder or mention key words like "that sounds fun" or "I haven't seen that movie yet" hoping someone takes the bait and offers an invite.  Sadly, more often than not - no one does.

We have all felt left out to some degree.  It isn't fun - at all.  It isn't fun to see a group enjoying one another's company and you aren't included.  It isn't fun to hear of fantastic adventures or see pictures posted and know that you were never a thought.  It isn't fun to think you might get invited this next time only to realize you will never be. 

I know some will read this blog and feel conviction and others will read it (that are in my life) and think "is she talking about me?".  I assure you, this is not directed towards anyone in particular.  This has been on my mind and wanted to blog about it because it is something we all deal with.  I suppose if you are feeling convicted, perhaps it is because you are inside that circle I speak of and know what I say is true.

The next time you are in a group setting, look around.  See that person that isn't included.  Offer then a smile then wave them over.  Invite them to a day out.  Laugh with them. I am realistic.  We all won't get along.  We can't be friends with everyone because personalities clash.  I am not saying be bff's with every person.  What I am saying is there are 365 days in a year.  It won't kill you to use one of them to include someone in your day.  And when you do include them, don't ignore them.  Don't invite someone along only to hang out and giggle in the group, excluding them once again.  Invite them, engage them in conversation and make them feel welcomed and loved. 

It is an easy concept yet as I watch people, it is rarely executed. We rather stay in our comfort zones with the people we are comfortable with.  I assure you, if you start being aware of your surroundings, you will see the hurt in others eyes as they watch from afar, wishing for nothing more than a wave to invite them over. 

Just something to think about.