The line is drawn - where do you stand?

A blog is a place to express your opinions, thoughts and feelings.  So, today, I am going to utilize it for such.

I have Facebook and have seen posts all week about equality, equal rights, gay marriage, etc.  I have kept my opinions to myself and just overlooked the comments and debates.  Yesterday, I saw a picture I liked about how marriage is God ordained between a man and a woman.  I shared it and within 3 minutes someone commented on it.  Seriously?  I have nto shared my opinion in this matter at all and the moment I do (which is against the world views) I am targeted.

You want my opinion?  Well here it goes.......

Marriage was created by God for man and woman.  In the Garden of Eden, God looked at Adam and said it was "not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18) so he created a suitable helpmate - a woman, Eve.  God says that when a man leaves his mother and father, he takes on a wife. (Genesis 2:24)

God instructed Adam to "be fruitful and multiply", meaning to reproduce to fill the earth with people.  A man and a woman have the correct "parts" that fit together by God's design to procreate and have children.  God created the family unit - a man and a woman in order to have children.

Homosexuality is mentioned on numerous different occasions in the Bible - in Old and New Testament.

• Sodom, Genesis 19 - Lot was in the city of Sodom and God sent two messengers (aka male angels) to Sodom, Lot took them into his home and the men of Sodom beat on his door demanding him let the men out so the could have sex with them. Lot begged the men not to do this "wicked" thing and even offered up his daughters to them because he knew what an abomination it was.  In the end, the men were struck blind and Sodom destroyed.

• Leviticus 18: 22 calls having sex with a man as you would a woman "detestable".

• Leviticus 20:13 again, calls it detestable and the two should be put to death.

*Note - in Old Testament, homosexual acts were associated with cult prostitution.  The word "abomination" used in the King James translation of both scriptures of Leviticus is a translation of the Hebrew word tow' ebah which means morally disgusting.

• In Judges 19:22 it speaks of "wicked" men that demanded to have sex with the men inside the house.

• In Deuteronomy and 1 Kings and 2 Kings it mentions homosexual acts as cult prostitution.

• In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is says - "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

• Romans 1:26-27 speaks of women giving over natural desires for unnatural ones and men committing shameful acts with other men.

• 1 Timothy 1:8-10 states - "We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine."

 *Note - in the King James the term "whoremongers" is used in the Greek is translates to into pornos-paramour/male prostitute - this is used many times throughout the New Testament (Eph. 5:5, Heb. 13:4, Rev. 21:8

In the New Testament, Jesus doesn't pin-point homosexuality, per say.  He speaks of all sexual immorality as in Mark 7:20-23.  There are 44 references to sexual immorality - including adultery, bestiality and homosexuality.

With that being said.....

I strive to be Christ-like even though I have no hopes of being who he is.  In doing so, I love the sinner, hate the sin.  I am a sinner like the next person.  I sin daily on many different levels.  However, I do not condone my sin.  I have a temper and lash out at times.  I know this is an issue (being angry isn't a sin but how you act in that anger can be).  I do not say "that's just the way I am".  No, I recognize it as a sinful act and strive to overcome it.

I have gay friends.  I also have several friends that were gay but found Jesus and now are not.  If homosexual acts were not a sin, then once people find Jesus, why do they turn away from it?  You do not hear straight people finding God and becoming homosexual.

I love all people just as Jesus would, or I try to.  I do not condemn, for it isn't my place to do so.  However, I do not condone sinful actions.  I have friends that lie - you are my friend by I don't condone your lying nature.  I have a brother that is a murderer - he is my brother but I don't condone his act of murder.  I have friends that steal - you are my friend by I don't condone you stealing.  I have friends that are promiscuous - you are my friend but I don't condone sex before marriage.  I have friends that are gay - you are my friend but I don't condone your lifestyle.

It is not my place to cast judgment on you or your actions.  I am a sinner just like everyone else on this planet.  I had sex before marriage, I have lied, stolen and been disobedient.  I have done drugs and been drunk, I had sex outside of marriage - I am a sinner.  However, I am a new creation in Christ and while I have done those things in the past, I recognize them as sin and no longer do them.  I am not saying I never do anything wrong but I strive to be holy and consecrated.

With that being said, I hope those that read this don't lash out about my thoughts on the subject.  I figure you have your freedom to say what you want, I have mine.  I try to share my thoughts in a loving way as the Bible states we should. 

I look at the world today and realize there is a shift happening that people don't even realize.  We are legalizing abortion, we are legalizing sexual immorality, we are creating a world where "let's all get along" is a tag line.  Let's all get along as one world - ONE WORLD.

I am a Christian, I do not hide this fact.  However, I fear that the line is being drawn and persecution is on the horizon.  I will not compromise my relationship with Jesus to make the rest of the world happy.

Romans 12:2 - I will not conform.



 

I once was dead.....

8 years ago today, I was on my way to hell.

It's true.  It was this day that God plucked me from the very cusp of the drop off into sulfur and brimstone.  Over dramatic?  I don't think so.

I was on a path of destruction with no hope in sight.  My kids were going to church with their Grandpa and a week prior, my daughter asked us to go in which I replied "No".  I may have used some colorful adjectives that would make a sailor blush with shame but will leave those to your imagination.  She pestered me as most 8 year olds do until I finally agreed to go the next Sunday, in hopes she would forget.

When you promise a child something, they will NEVER forget it.  I learned this lesson.  The following Sunday soon came and she asked us again to go to church in which I gave a resounding "No!".  With her doe-eyed look she simply said "But you promised".  And so I was busted.  Disgruntled and against my will, I got dressed and we all went.

I was raised Southern Baptist.  There are a lot of things I had never witnessed so you can imagine my surprise when I sat in on a Pentecostal service.  The worship was good although I couldn't name one song that was sung because my thoughts were on what I was going to have for lunch.  It was then that things went amiss and just plain nuts, to put it lightly.  I had never witnessed a move of the Holy Spirit.  Granted, I knew who God was and believed in Him and knew all about Jesus but that was as far as my Biblical knowledge went.  There was no relationship; there was no realization that God wanted to be part of our lives.  So, as I sat there and the Holy Spirit moved through that sanctuary, I began to get a bit freaked out.

Now, the day before was my son's Pinewood Derby race.  Even though we were not "church goers", our kids were actively involved so we went.  We had went out drinking the night before and were not too pleased to be up so early.  Matt had thrown up twice on the way and even though God was not part of our lives, that didn't mean we were bad parents.  In our minds, we still wanted to be there for our son.  While there, the Pastor tried to befriend Matt, who wanted nothing to do with it and the Pastor's wife wanted to get to know me on a level that I didn't want her on.  So, we gritted our teeth and made it through the day.  Funny how God orchestrates things once you look back on them.....

That following day, Sunday, was the day I was sitting in the pew and people were dancing, singing, laughing and speaking in a language that made me think they were from another planet.  With wide eyes, I glanced at Matt as if to subconsciously say - let's go.  It was then that the Pastor's wife sat next to me and asked me one question ---

"How is your relationship with Jesus?"

I sat there, speechless.  I tried to grasp an answer.  I tried to even lie.  As I thought about it momentarily, I realized I didn't have an answer because I truly didn't know.  Tears welled up and slowly rolled down my cheek.  She kept asking in a loving tone and tried to explain how amazing it was to be in the family of God.  I didn't want to hear it.  Words escaped me but I continued to shake my head as if to shake the words she were speaking off of me.  She continued to coax me to go to the altar and lay it before God.  I was stubborn.  Matt had been mentioning church for years and I refused to give in.  I enjoyed my sinful life.  I enjoyed going down the path of destruction.  Why would I want to give all that up for rules and regulations?

God had other plans for me.  Before my brain could compute what my feet were doing, I was up and heading towards the front.  The Pastor turned and smiled, as if he was expecting me and through prayer, he probably was.  I felt sick, weak and light headed and I could only hear him say "go to your knees".

Excuse me?  You want me to do what?

Not gonna happen.  I refused to go to my knees in front of God and everybody.  How embarrassing to show that kind of weakness.  I.  Am.  Not.  Going.  To.  Do.  It.

Isn't it funny how we are like a spoiled child and we cross our arms and say "nuh-uh".  Well, God decided to use His fatherly authority and while no one touched me, I felt a hand on my shoulder that gently, yet firmly, pushed me to my knees.  It was there that I laid it all on the altar.  The shame.  The disobedience.  The guilt. Everything.  I heard a voice that was barely audible, almost a whisper say - "Welcome into my kingdom, for I am with you."  I look up and Matt was on his knees, sobbing and accepting Christ in his life too.

That was 8 years ago.  I have never looked back.  The Bible says we are a new creation - the old is gone.  I am the example of that.  I have a long list of alcohol, drugs, self harm, black magic, abuse.....that day, March 6, 2005 - God delivered me from all of it.

I have rough days, it hasn't always been peaches and cream.  But now I don't have to deal with it alone.  I am grafted into the family of Christ.  He saved me from death, physical and spiritual.  He welcomed me despite my short comings and embraced me with a love like no other.

I can not imagine going back to that person I once was.  I look at pictures or talk about the things I have done and it seems as if I am speaking about someone else.  I share my testimony often, not to glorify it but to show others that if God can radically change this sinner, He can change them.

Becoming a Christian is not saying that hardships don't come.  I still have days where the thought of drugs or alcohol or even self harm creep in.  The enemy is good like that.  He has no new tricks.  He just repeats himself and likes to bring up your past to trip you up and create confusion.  He is an enemy of our soul and has one job and one job only - to kill, steal and destroy.  He is the father of lies and anything that comes from his lips is nothing but deceit.  Sometimes though, he is crafty and I fall into the notion that it is truth.  Before I had Christ, I would just do what felt good whether that was drugs or self-mutilation.  The enemy of my soul would tempt me and direct me and I would follow without hesitation.  Now, I recognize it.  Although, sometimes I fall into a funk where before I would self medicate, now I just ask God to see me through.  And ya know what?  He always does.

So, I am not the person I once was but I have not become the person I want to be.  I am continually on the path of self evaluation.  I can always do better and be better.  I will strive for righteousness until the day the trumpets sound.  My eyes have been opened.

I was once dead; but now am alive.

March 5, 2005 - the day before God got a hold of us!

March 6, 2013 - 8 years of salvation and we have never been happier.

Shaken, Not Stirred......

This blog is going to be short and sweet.

As I sit near my window watching the snow fall with a warm cup in my hand, I can't help but be content.  Any anxiety, anger, doldrums....any negativity that threatens to engulf me melts away.  The snow falls so silently and peacefully that my eyes grow heavy just watching it.  It is as if I am inside a freshly shaken snow globe.

God is truly a mastermind.  While others are complaining about the wintry precipitation and some are wishing for spring, I am content to sit near my window and watch it fall in silent admiration.  God has created this wonderful world we live in.  He demonstrates His power in a storm, His love in a rainbow, His creativity in a platypus, His playfulness in the ocean tide, His affection in a cocoon......

Don't be in such a hurry to move on to the next season.  Enjoy the one you are in.

The view from my chair - good book, warm drink and an affectionate cat in my lap. What more do I need?

Leave the Pig Pen

The prodigal son......one of the best parables Jesus told, in my opinion.  It showed the unconditional love of a father, forgiveness and grace.  I am quite familiar with the story as is most anyone who studies the Word, but teaching it last Sunday gave me a fresh look on this story.

It starts in Luke 15:11.  Let me break the story down for you.  There was a father who was wealthy and had two sons.  The younger one wanted to sow his wild oats, so to speak, so he asked his father for his half of the inheritance now.  The father obliged and the son took off with his pockets full and not a care in the world.  It didn't take long for him to squander the entire inheritance.....on wild living (mainly prostitutes).  So, he aquired a job as a farmhand and his job was to feed the pigs.  He was so destitute and so hungry, he considered eating the pig slop.  He came to his senses and thought - "This is dumb!  My father's servants get treated better than this!  I am not worthy to be called my father's son but I will go back and see if he will hire me as one of his servants; at least then I will get food to eat and not have to live like this."  So he headed home. 

The father went out on this day and looked down the road and saw his son.  He didn't even wait for him to get to the house....he rushed out to meet him, embraced and kissed him.  He then told his servants to get the best robe, sandals and a signet ring for his son then slaughter the fatten calf to eat.  It was time to party!  So, the older son came in from the fields and heard the party going on and asked what was happening and when he found out it was in honor of the youngest son (who ran off and blew all their dad's money on sex and parties), he was angry and wouldn't even go into the party.  His father came out and said - "I have always had you here with me.  But your brother - he was dead and now alive; he was lost now is found."

Good stuff. 

Jesus spoke in parables a lot.  It is relatable and a story is easy to remember.  When I asked the youth to open to Luke 11, they had no idea what story it was.  But as soon as they saw the title "Parable of the Lost Son", a few were like 'ohhhhhhh yea'.   Jesus spoke in stories to get the point across and to make it personable so we can relate to it no matter if it was then or now.

So, what struck me deep in my spirit was towards the end of the story....

"So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." - Luke 15:20

I know my kids.  I have a son and daughter and I can pick them out of a crowded room.  I can see them walking down the street in the dark with other kids their age and know which is them.  I know their mannerisms, the way they walk .... I know them.

This father was wealthy.  He was, more than likely, not out in the fields working (he had servants), he probably wasn't outside in the heat milking a cow nor was he probably outside getting water (that was the woman's job).  So for his father to see him, he had to be outside.  I believe that the father went outside every day to watch for his son.  I believe he would go outside and look down the dusty road and every day be disappointed as he went back inside.  It probably got to the point that the servants were rolling their eyes and saying "There he goes again.  Doesn't he realize his son is probably dead?"   That father never gave up the hope that his son would return to him.  

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’" -Luke 15:21

The son was ashamed of his actions.  He knew he was trying to fill something in his life with the things of the world.  He went out thinking it was a better way of life.  The excitement and the thrill was too enticing to resist.  However, once he was out there, he realized that he had made a grave mistake.  His father's house was better than the world.  Guilt settled in and he walked home with his head hung low.   

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. --Luke 15:22-24

And yet this father didn't even ask where he had been, didn't scold him, didn't call him irresponsible nor did he say I told you so.  He had let his son go.....had let him learn a hard lesson.  However, when he returned, he welcomed him with love and compassion.  He clothed him in the best, he put a signet ring on his finger which was a sign of ownership.  He was saying - THIS is my son!

This is our relationship with our heavenly Father.  Sometimes we feel we need the world more than Him.  We feel we know what is best and sometimes, just like earthly parents, God lets us go to learn a hard lesson.   Even so, he is waiting by His house.  He goes out every day to look to see if we are coming back to Him.  Every day He waits with the expectation and hope that today is the day.  Then.....one day.....He sees a silhouette.  God the Father knows His children better than I know my own.  As He sees the silhouette coming down the road, He knows it is His child.  He rushes out to meet him (or her) and embraces him with compassion and love, never questioning or condemning.  He is merely happy that we have come back home to Him.  So much so, that He throws a party in our honor!

When we give up the world for God, however, sometimes those that don't understand will get angry....just like the older brother.  They don't understand why the world no longer is appealing, they don't understand why you want to go to church instead of going to a party, they don't understand why you don't make decisions frivilously but take everything to prayer, they don't understand why you are so excited about your Father that you talk about Him all the time.....people tend to grow angry at things they don't understand.

When we live in the world, sometimes we feel guilty or ashamed at what we have done.  "If you only knew the things I have done!" is a common statement.  I just want to say - "If you only knew the things I have done......but God has redeemed me!"   The son could have tried to clean up, look presentable and go see his father.  He could have, but he didn't.  He went just as he was, covered in his actions and shame.  There was no need to cover up what he had done because his father already knew.  All he could do was to come to him and say "here I am".   That is like our heavenly Father....he doesn't want us to clean up our sin before coming to Him.  He wants us to come just as we are.

In a couple weeks, it will mark the 8th 're-birthday' for Matt and I.  March 6 is the date we both accepted Christ.  It was the day that we walked down that dusty road, ashamed and dirty, feeling like we were not worthy to be called His son or daughter.  It was the day we left the pig pen and headed to our Father's house.  It was that day, He embraced us and kissed us and said Welcome Home.....

My daughter (and son) was dead but now they are alive; they were lost but now they are found.

Get Outta My Way

I love Tennessee.  Being from Indiana, the mountains seem almost magical.  They are so majestic that each time I travel south, I still stare out of my window in awe.

What if we could move a mountain?  What if I could just pluck one of those large rock structures and place it in Indiana where I live?  That would be a pretty amazing feat.  However, Jesus says that if we have the faith--- we can do just that.

"He [Jesus] replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” --Matthew 17:20

Let me set the scene for you.  Jesus is among a crowd and a man rushes to Him and mentions his boy is possessed by a demon.  The man says that everywhere he goes, the demon tries to throw the boy in the fire or the water.  Imagine being that parent and in that time period.  Fire and water were their livelihood.  They used fires to cook and heat their homes.  They were in a fisherman community so fishing was a way of life.  I imagine everywhere that man went, he had to hold onto his son with a bruising force to prevent him from convulsing and being thrown into the fire or water.  The boy wasn't safe in his home, in the community......anywhere.  The man was desperate.  He had tried everything.  He even mentions the disciples were unable to draw the demon out.

So, the disciples ask Jesus why they couldn't do it.....in which Jesus replied with Matthew 17:20.

There are a couple key points here.  First, the man was desperate.  Sometimes desperation brings us to our knees.  Sometimes we try everything else before we realize we just need to take it to Jesus.  There are times we run to our friends, our pastor, our mentor....all in the hopes of answers.  We just want help and try as they might, sometimes it isn't the help we need.  So in a final act of desperation, we fall on our knees and ask Jesus to offer a scarred hand of aid.  Jesus should be our first option, not our last resort.

Secondly, the disciples tried to help the boy but it did not work.  Their faith was lacking.  They wanted to help this man so badly but everything they tried failed.  They were frustrated and upset.  It says there was a crowd, so the disciples may even been ridiculed.  They traveled with Jesus, witnessed miracles and even performed some of their own and yet they couldn't help this boy.  Sometimes we are ridiculed and we feel ashamed or frustrated.  We try to help, whether it be someone else or ourselves, only to fall short because the faith we have is weak....smaller than a mustard seed.

Lastly - mountains.  All things are possible with God and if you have the faith and you look at the large, looming structure and tell it to move - it will move, literally.  However the mountains here are proverbial mountains.  They are the large things in our lives that we look at and think 'that is impossible to overcome'.  We hang onto our past mistakes and let them mold who we are.  We look at present circumstances and let them define our state of mind.  We look at the future and are gripped with fear.  Those mountains loom over us and we stand, small and timid, at the base and look up as the mountain casts an intimidating shadow down on us.  Sometimes we even call out to God with a resounding "God!  There is no way!".

But there is a way.  Actually, there are several options.  You can go over the mountain - while effective, it would be such a hard road to take with many obstacles and snares in your way.  You can go around the mountain - it would be less problematic as going over but it would still be a long road with the danger of getting lost or turned around. 

No, the most direct path is through it - not only through it, but Jesus is saying just tell it to move; tell it to step aside and then prepare yourself to run full steam to the other side.  If we have the faith, we can move whatever mountain is in our way.  Your past does not define you.  Your circumstances do not own you.  Your future does not have to be clouded with shadows. 

So what is your mountain?  What are you standing at the cusp of and looking up thinking "God, there is no way"?  What is holding you back from all that God has to offer you?  He wants to bless you.  He wants His spirit to minister to you.  He wants to commune with you.  What is it that you keep trying to go over and just struggle so hard because the road is unknown and snared?  What is it that you keep trying to go around because that seems the easiest way when in fact it will cause you to be tired and weary because the trek is too long?  God wants you to just move that mountain and take action.  He doesn't want you to look at it and think - 'Oh how I wish this mountain wasn't here'.  No!  He wants you to vocalize it - yell it....."GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

It is a new year and some of us have been standing at that mountain for such a long time.  Some of us have been trying to get around or over it for so long that you don't remember a time you weren't.  You are tired.  You are hungry for more.  You thirst for righteousness.  It is time to take a deep breath and cling to faith and yell at that mountain to --

GET OUT OF MY WAY!

2013 - let's do this.

As I sit here at 11 o'clock this morning, I ponder on, not only the previous year that has come and gone, but of the many years past...specifically - 8 years ago.

In 2005, Matt and I both accepted Christ.  It was March of that year so I think back to this day, 8 years ago.  I would have woken up, probably not this early, with a headache and feeling like I had been run over with a truck.  My kids would not be here but at their grandparents house and I would be sitting here thinking I would never do that again.  I would never drink myself into a drunken stupor where I actually lose moments of my life that I will never get back.  I would never drink so much that parts of the night are gone.  I had made myself this promise many times before.  I was a binge alcoholic.  I didn't drink on the weekdays, ever.  But once Friday came, I was anxious to get to the bar either Friday night or Saturday.  I hated the taste of all beers and most mixed drinks.  Let's be honest - alcohol tastes NASTY.  I wasn't a social drinker either.  If I was going somewhere to party, my sole intention was getting wasted.  Period.

So, I made the same silent promise to myself that I had made many, many times previous.  However, in 2005, I didn't realize that it would hold truth.....two months later, I accepted Christ.  I had one mixed drink when Matt and I went on a cruise that following May and drank half of it.  I no longer had the desire to drink or get drunk.  I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since. 

So what did I do for New Year's eve?  Since my last party in 2005, I have partied hard with a group that knows how to par-tay -- youth.  In 2005, we partied with our church's youth group at the time.  In 2006 and 2007, we hung out with my brother because we were in transition between churches.  But in 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 we partied with a group that farts a lot, belches, plays hide and seek, laughs when someone trips, needs a permission form, drinks enough soda to stay awake all night with a sugar buzz and tries to smash cans on their foreheads.  I can say that those years trump the previous years of spending way too much money to get way too drunk.

Last night was no exception.  Even though our group was small due to everyone having other plans that weren't as cool as hanging out with us and Jesus, we had a great time.  We hung out and played cards before driving an hour away to check out another church's party.  We figured since our group was small, we would take them somewhere to possibly have a good time.  We got there a little late and there were no seats not too mention we felt awkward and out of place since we were from a different church.  It didn't take us long to decide to just go back to our church and hang out.  So we did.

You may think the trip was a wasted one but I beg to differ.  The ride back was full of so much laughter, I don't remember laughing that hard in a long time.  Our bellies hurt, our eyes watered and I threatened to pee my pants on more than one occasion (that is when you know you are having a good time!).  The drive back, even though it was an hour, seemed like minutes because of the laughter and joking.  As I type this, I still smile at the thought of the conversations.

We didn't plan on partying at the church, therefore, we didn't have much in the way of food.  We had some hot dogs so we stopped and picked up a loaf of bread.  Needless to say the bread was stale but that didn't matter.  Our spirits were already lightened and our cheeks sore from laughter.....stale bread didn't dampen our moods.

Then we played board games that went a little like this *ahem*.....

Matt had to talk like a woman while Caleb did a photo shoot (bad kitty!), JJ not only fumigated us with his natural gas that he could bottle and use as chemical warfare but he had to ride an ostrich, Izzy sang a love song to her card, Caleb song us a wonderful rendition of "If you're happy and you know it" and I was stuck in a tree with a lobster while talking like Frankenstein while Antonio and Cheyenne were being anti-social in the other room.  haha.

And no, I was not drunk.

Quelf - the best game ever.

So, at 4:30 in the morning I finally crawled into bed.  My spirit was light, my eyes were heavy and my heart was full.  We may not party hard with alcohol any more but we have some of the best times with the most cherished memories. 

Instead of having a regret of spending too much money and drinking too much alcohol.....I have the regret of not taking many pictures to capture the evening.

If this is a taste of what 2013 holds for me.....I say bring it on. 

Matt and I, 4 in the morning......happy and sober!

The group Matt and I got to ring in the New Year with.  Who wouldn't want to party with this motley crew?

Finding God in the midst of tragedy.....

Our nation mourns.

Friday morning, a 20 year old gunman entered a school in Newtown, Conneticut armed with a rifle and two pistols.  He gunned down 20 children ranging in age 5-7 years old as well as 6 woman after shooting and killing his mother in their home then turning the gun on himself - 28 victims total.  This is the second worst school shooting in our nation's history with Virginia Tech being number one with 32 deaths.

This is becoming an epidemic.

Not that long ago, we were shocked to hear of the "Batman" shooter.  Then shortly after, another man was arrested for having an arsenal in his trunk saying he was heading to a local theater.  When the blockbuster, Breaking Dawn 2 came out, there was word a man was planning a theater attack.  Just over the weekend, a man was arrested in my state, not that far from where I live and go to church, because he threatened to burn his wife and go on a shooting spree at the nearby school.  He had 47 guns in his home.  Saturday, during mass at the local church in Newtown, someone called and said "my friend didn't finish the job" and said he would.  This has got to stop. 

The media flashes the killer's face and name everywhere on tv, the internet, papers, radio, etc.--almost like he is a celebrity.  We know his story, his past, his family, his medical condition.....everything.  What about Charlotte, Daniel, Rachel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Dawn, Madeleine, Catherine, Chase, James, Jesse, Grace, Anne, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Lauren, Mary, Victoria, Benjamin and Alison?  What about who they were?  What about their stories?

Perhaps if the media would just give the basic information about the killers and not "glorify" them, then others would not try to 'do one better'?  People with that mentality will see the publicity that one person gets and will then, in return, try to "up the ante" and create a shock circumstance to get their names sensationalized.

In 2010, China had an epidemic of men coming into schools, wielding cleavers and knives.  They would go in with the intent to do extensive harm.  Friday, the same day as Newtown's massacre, a man in China went into a school with a knife and injured 20 children.  I do not know his name or his background.  I just know of the incident.  Why?  Because China did not create a whirlwind publicity of the event or the assailant.  Since 2010, China has taken precautions against such attacks and while one occurred last week, they are now few and far between.  Perhaps we could learn a thing or two.

Then again, tragedy is what brings people together; it is what keeps us wanting more in some macabre way.  Tragedy is what keeps us gripped to our chairs, flipping through channels.  It is what keeps us browsing the internet for new information.  I admit I am one of these people.  I want to know everything there is to know.  Not because I am morbid but because the human mind fascinates me and I want to know what possesses someone to think that life is so messed up that massacring innocent children is okay.

I have heard Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the funerals of the victims.  Shame on you Westboro!  If this is true, then perhaps you should be directed to the Bible that you are staking your claim to justify your actions --".......whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished." -Proverbs 17:5.  The fact that they call themselves a church leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I have heard some say that we need to put God back into the schools.  God has never left the schools.  He is there as He has always been.  Jesus, Himself, said he would never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).  God was there last Friday amidst the sorrow and tragedy just like He was there in the Garden of Eden, when Cain killed Abel, with Daniel in the lion's den, with Judas' treacherous kiss....with Jesus on the cross.  

God did not do this.....God did not create this sinful world.  

We did.

He created us with a plan in mind and gave us free will.  It was our own free will and our own arrogance that created the world we live in.  God knew what we would do, I have no doubt because He is all knowing....however, even though he knew what Eve would do once tempted....He hoped she wouldn't. 

This world is going to be full of hurt, tragedy and sorrow.  It will continue to be a cesspool of negativity and heart ache until the moment when Jesus returns.  We can merely learn from the circumstances we are thrust into.  Learn to love a little more, care a little more, hate a little less......to come together as a nation and help those hurting and hope that if we face devastation, the favor would be returned.  We can pray for the families affected and pray for the killer's family.  They are going through this devastation as well - they lost family too.

Lastly, gun control.  I admit I hate guns.  My dad had them growing up.  I don't want to hold one, I don't want to shoot one....I dislike them.  With that being said, I am not naive.  I do not think guns are the issue.  We can take them away all we want but if someone wants a gun - they will find a way to get it.  Guns will not eliminate violence.  Cain killed Abel with a rock because his drive to do so was so consuming that he was out to kill his brother with whatever means necessary (Genesis 4).  He could have planned it and had wielded a knife or something that would have done the job easier.  However, being consumed with jealousy and rage, he did the deed with the nearest object.   Hitler used gas.....everyday people are creating bombs, fire, gases, chemicals, etc.......you can take away the guns all you want but if someone has the mindset to create chaos --- they will find a way.

With all this being said, I do not fear for my life or my children's.  I refuse to live in fear.  God says we do not have the spirit of fear.  It is what it is.  I will rejoice in the victories and mourn in the sorrow.  I will look for the good in all circumstances.  

While this event has broken my heart, it will not be the last of its kind.  The scales are in the balance, dangerously on the verge of tipping.  What will be the final grain of sand that causes the scale to tip?  What will be the final event that causes Jesus to look at the Father and ask "is it time?" and the Father to look back with a resounding "YES"? 

It will continue to get worse.  It has since Eve took that first bite.  Our world was then destined to die.  We have to look at the big picture.  While things will inevitably get worse, Jesus is still King.  He will return and bring righteousness.  He will return in all His glory and take us to the place He has prepared where there will be no more sorrow, no more pain and no more tears.  A place we will be reunited with loved ones.  A place where I will sit at the feet of Jesus and a place where I can rush to my earthly father who has passed on and hug him and say "I made it!".  It will be a place of constant joy, saturated with praises and love......a place where the mothers will be reunited with their children. 

I, for one, cannot wait.  Jesus....come swiftly.