A rising epedemic

Bullying.

As a youth pastor, I hear this time and time again.  I remember school.  Sure, I remember getting picked on.  However, the extent now compared to then is appalling.  A few slanderous words, maybe even a shoulder check in the hallway is about all I had to fear in school.  Then, after a few days, it was over and we moved on.

Not so any more.  Bullying has come to name-calling, shoving, ganging up on others, pitting others against each other, cyber-bullying, lies, anger. And telling the bullied child to "ignore it, it will go away" is no longer an option.  The bully-er continues relentlessly.

And quite frankly, I am getting sick of it.

Before I move on, let's look at some statistics and information I have pulled from the internet.....

What is bullying?

"A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself."

This definition includes three important components:

1. Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions.
2. Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time.
3. Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength.

Types of bullying...

1. Verbal bullying including derogatory comments and bad names
2. Bullying through social exclusion or isolation
3. Physical bullying such as hitting, kicking, shoving, and spitting
4. Bullying through lies and false rumors
5. Having money or other things taken or damaged by students who bully
6. Being threatened or being forced to do things by students who bully
7. Racial bullying
8. Sexual bullying
9. Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet)

Impact of bullying...

Students deserve to feel safe at school. But when they experience bullying, these types of effects can last long into their future:

• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Health problems
• Poor grades
• Suicidal thoughts

BULLYING IS A SERIOUS ISSUE!

• Statistics show that 23 percent of students in grades 4-6 had been bullied "several times" or more; 20 percent had bullied others
• Statistics show that 17 percent of students in grades 6-10 reported having been bullied "sometimes" or more, with 8 percent being bullied once a week. 19 percent said they had been a bully to others "sometimes" or more.

I have read countless articles and have watched numerous news reports on how children have commited suicide due to bullying, even cyber bullying.  I have read reports of children as young as 11 have committed suicide due to this....11!   And yet we look the other way?

Schools have 'anti-bullying' programs in place.  These are ineffective.  The child being bullied is fearful to go report an incident for fear of further bullying...and they say "the school won't do anything but sit us down and talk".   They have boxes so students can report the incidents anonymously.  And yet the punishment?  Sit down and discuss it.

I know of numerous incidents that I have been made aware of where teachers were present as a child was being bullied.  I also know of an incident where parents partook in the name-calling and bullying (and this was to a 6th grader).  So you tell me.....where does it stop?!   A child feels that death is better than living in a bullied environment.  And 90% of bullying occurs in the place we send our children to better themselves - SCHOOL.

This topic has completely infuriated me.  I am wanting to get inside the schools and spread the love of Jesus.  The schools today are nothing like the schools I went to back in the 90's.  Why?  What has gone wrong?  Does it boil down to the parents?  I think this generation is so out of control that the parents just as soon look the other way than to put their foot down and say - enough!  There is no respect for authority and that sort of value starts in the home.

As I see children dread going to school because of what a pit of vipers it has become, I sit and think how God has to turn this around.  Wouldn't it be phenomenal if we start hearing how the Holy Spirit takes over and school is in utter chaos because kids are praying over one another and the sick are being healed and the love of Jesus is being proclaimed!?  That's the kind of phone call I want to get.  That is the kind of news report I want to see.  I want a phone call saying I need to come pick up my daughter because she is standing on the table proclaiming JESUS SAVES - not because she is being bullied to the point she has made herself sick.

God has laid the schools on my heart lately.  Not just because of the bullying, though that has a large part to do with it, but because God has been so stripped of the schools that it is no longer valued.

Revival.  It has to start somewhere.....why not here?

**information taken from - http://www.olweus.org/public/bullying.page**

A mother's love.....

My kids started school today.  They are both now high schoolers!  *gasp*  My daughter started her freshman year and my son his sophomore year.  Where does the time go?  I tend to say that a lot lately.

As a mother, I can remember every detail of their birth and the majority of every moment from then til now.  I can remember, even though both were C-Sections, Caleb's was a breeze and Chey's was a nightmare.  I look back now and think that their personalities totally match how they came into the world.  Caleb is a pretty laid back kid that keeps to himself while Cheyenne is an anxious one that is a social butterfly.  Both my children are as different as night and day.

Now as I look at them, I could not be more proud.  Caleb is 16 and a great young man.  He is good looking, pleasant to be around, talented, loyal to those he lets into his life, passionate about what he enjoys, loves God and rarely has a bad word to say about anyone.  Considering the past he has had to endure, he is a good kid.

Cheyenne is 14 and such a great personality!  She is cute as a button, marches to the beat of her own drum, opinionated  funny, talented, loves God and has a heart to help those hurting.  She has come a long way and am proud of who she has become.

I am not saying my kids are perfect by any means.  They are kids so they tend to spout off at the mouth, throw fits, whine and sometimes make me want to gouge my eyes out with a hot poker.  However, that being said, I hear what other kids are up to or the problems I hear other kids facing (I hear a lot of horror stories since I am a youth pastor) and I thank God how awesome my kids are.

I expect them to make mistakes but I am quick to forgive.  I lavish them with gifts even if they don't deserve it.  I praise them for a job well done and scold them for a job less than desirable.  I expect them to give their best in all they do and if they fail doing so...that's okay because you can't condemn someone for failing if they tried as hard as they could.

Wow.  Sounds a lot like our Heavenly Father.  He hopes for the best in us but He expects us to make mistakes and is quick to forgive.  He lavishes His children with gifts even when they aren't deserving sometimes.  He praises us for a job well done and expects us to learn from a job done less than perfect.  He expects our best but accepts us at our worst.

All because He loves us.

So yes, I am bragging on my amazing kids.  If you don't like it, then you aren't a parent. I loved them the moment I found out they were in my belly.  It is crazy how you can love someone you have never met.  They say a man becomes a father when he holds the baby for the first time.....a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she is pregnant.  This is so true.

So to my kids, you are growing up so fast.  I want you to stay with me forever (and I sometimes think you will, haha) but I know that you will grow up, move on and have families of your own.  But know this......you will never get rid of me.

I love you both more than my heart can contain.  Have a great first day of school!

Cheyenne and Caleb [then], ages 2 and 4

Cheyenne and Caleb [now], ages 14 and 16

I am here by His grace....

Another birthday.

It seems the older I get, the quicker time goes.  I don't get excited for birthdays.  To me, it is just another day...another year older, perhaps another year wiser.  I don't mind saying my age - tomorrow, the 10th, I will be 36.  Wow.  Even though I don't mind saying it, it still blows my mind that I am that old. I don't feel that old and I certainly don't act my age!  HaHa!

As I look back on my life, I am amazed I am where I am today.  All I can say to that is God is good!  I have come from a checkered past, not as bad as some but worse than many.  I have dealt with everything from sexual molestation to drug abuse to the occult with a few tidbits in between.  I am lucky I am even alive.  Did I mention that God is good?  I did?  Good.  I may mention that point a few more times.....

If I had sat in front of this computer 10 years ago, I would never have posted how awesome God was or how much I loved my family or how I am happy with my life.  No, that was a time where darkness overcame joy.  Happiness was something I experienced rarely and was often replaced with a seething anger.  I could blog my testimony, which would be lengthy and quite shocking.  However, I won't due to the fact that it will be impossible to leave out points that my family may not want splattered on the internet.  That is why I enjoy speaking to youth groups.  I enjoy sharing my testimony and what God has done for me.  I can relate to most because I have been through a wide variety of situations.  I don't share my testimony to glorify it in any way.  It is just fact.  It is my past that has happened and cannot be denied.  However, it does not define who I am today.  I am not a victim, I am a victor!  God is good!

So as I approach another birthday tomorrow, I smile.  I have been serving God for six years now and I cannot even remember the person I was before.  Sure, I know it was me...I know I went though it but it is almost like a movie.  Like it was something I had watched rather than experienced.   My life is good right now. That doesn't mean I don't face trials and tribulations but the difference between me then and me now - I have God to help me through it.  While that sounds cliche, it is true.  Having God as part of my life makes all the difference.

So, I am another year older and another year closer to 40.  Kind of blows my mind.  I see someone from my school years and think - 'Do I look that old?'.  But age is inevitable.  You can embrace it or you can deny it and wake up one morning and not recognize the face in the mirror.

This year is a year that is going to be some amazing changes!  I am going through Jeanne Mayo's Cadre discipleship (http://www.youthleaderscoach.com/cadre.asp), my son will get his permit (egads!), I am taking the steps to get healthier and I want to fall back in love with God to the point that I am intoxicated with His presence.

So when people ask how old I am, I merely smile and say "36" and when they gasp and say I don't look that old, I smile a bit broader.

36......pish-posh - it's merely a number.

Me at 4 years old

Satan is a punk....

Sometimes we forget how good God is.


We see a situation and get so discouraged.  We get angry, upset and even depressed that the problem before us seems impossible to overcome.  We stare up at the mountain and see the large mass of rock and not the big picture.


We were born into a life of sin (thanks a lot Adam and Eve) into a sinful world.  Bad things happen to good people.  That's life.  When we become a Christian, it isn't like this magic bubble surrounds us and all the good stays contained while the bad bounces off of it.  Not so.  


Whenever I hear of someone going through a bad time, I can't help but think of Job (Joe-b) in the Bible.  He lost everything.  His wife, his family, his land, his livestock and eventually his health - everything.  However, God never left him nor did He let him suffer without an ultimate plan.  The devil was trying to prove God wrong.  So when the devil came up the the throne room of God and said he had been "roaming the earth" (presumably looking for someone to harass), God suggested Job.  Then Satan told God to let him have Job.  He told God that Job only served Him (God) because he was protected.  He said to let him have Job and he will prove that when calamity comes his way, he will turn away from God.   Therefore, God let Satan do his worst.  Job grew upset and even a bit angry but he never blamed God for what was happening to him.  In the end, God blessed Job even more abundantly for his faithfulness.


Sometimes I look at my life like Job. Granted, my life has been pretty good compared to most but sometimes it just plain sucks.  If you notice, it seems like everything comes in a package, one thing after another.  There are times I get discouraged and overwhelmed thinking I just want to lay down and let the world pass me by.  Then I think of Job.  I get a new perspective and I realize if all this is coming against me, then God must think I am "blameless and upright".  Satan can only do what God allows.  He has no power except that which is given to him.  So if God gives him the power to come against me in a whirlwind, I will stand firm footed because God knows I can handle it and He will bless me in the end.


This isn't to say that sometimes I freak out.  However, when I look back I see that God has taken care of everything, every time.  So, why do I still freak out when I know that God has always taken care of me (even when I was a sinner, how awesome is THAT)?  I am still flesh....and I still have doubts.  Perhaps I think this is the one time God will leave me to my own demise.  Perhaps I am thinking I have been given His grace once too many.  Perhaps He is up there, sighing and throwing His hands up saying "Really, Misty?  AGAIN?"   Typing that brings a smile to my face because the God I serve is amazing.  He takes care of His children and when I accepted Christ, I was adopted into the Royal Family of God.  I am His and He is mine.  He never gets frustrated with me, He is patient and understanding and is always in the midst any situation.  For that, I strive to please Him.


So, if you are feeling discouraged, anxious or just plain 'blah', know that God is there in the middle of your situation.....and so is the enemy (aka Satan).  He is standing before the throne and condemning your name wanting nothing more than to destroy you.  Are you going to stand by and let him win?  


The enemy does not have to take you down to win, he only has to make you ineffective.


In closing, I want to leave a few scriptures for you, all are NIV.


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." – Philippians 4:6


"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Dueteronomy 31:6 


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". – Matthew 11:28-30


"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." – Galatians 6:9


"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." – Psalm 42:5-6a


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." -John 10:10