Last year I had a "falling out" with my mom. I won't really go into details because that is undignified. However, I hadn't talked to her in almost a year. That is forever with me and her. I always made a point to see her every other month or so. I didn't even see her on Christmas last year and the last time I didn't see her on Christmas, I was 18 and in jail.
To be honest, I thought I was okay with it. I figured she hurt me and I deserved to be angry. Isn't that always how it is? We feel we have the RIGHT to be angry based on how others treat us. However, the past few months, it gnawed inside me. Finally, I took the step and contacted her and met her and her husband for lunch. While it was awkward at first, we soon got over the tenseness in the air and were chatting and laughing like nothing ever happened.
Sometimes we must take the step to right what is wrong. We have no RIGHT to remain angry no matter what anyone does to us. If that were the case, Jesus has the ultimate reason to hold a grudge. No, instead, He gives us a warning in Matthew.
Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Forgiveness feels good. It lifts a weight off our shoulders. Not only that, but instead of being angry or saying venomous statements about my mom or the situation, my children saw me step up and do the right thing. They saw me swallow my anger and reach out when I should have had every "right" to be angry. That is a valuable lesson I could never teach them with words; they had to learn it with actions.
So what does this have to do with Father's Day?
As I thought more and more about my mom, I knew I had to make right what was wrong between us. I knew that if something (God forbid) had happened to my mom while we were still in this immature game of not speaking to one another, I would live with an insatiable regret.
I speak all the time on how I wish I had one more day - one more hour - with my dad. Even though we weren't the best of friends.....even though our relationship was strained.....even though fond childhood memories of he and I are non-existent......I still wish I had a moment with him. What would I say? How would I act?
Why do we wait until someone passes to say "what if" or "I wish"? Don't wait. Forgive often, love much and smile infectiously. Don't look back with regret with what you can change today. It isn't too late to mend the relationships that are broken. Now, I understand that as you read this, you may be thinking of someone that brings up angry feelings at this very moment. Perhaps someone did something that is truly unforgivable in your eyes or something so atrocious that you can never trust them again.
Forgiveness is not trust. You have to protect yourself and your family. Forgiveness means I no longer hold this transgression against you. It doesn't mean we will be as we once were but it does mean that we can move past this and I can be a better person because of it.
If you are still thinking - "There is no way. My heart is too hard. The emotion is too raw." Just remember.....
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22)
So dad, I wish you were here this Father's Day. Despite the anger and hostility we had towards one another, I now know that it was teenage angst that created the anger I had inside of me. The bitterness you had was due to being ill and not being the man you imagined yourself to be because of it. As an adult, I understand and I forgive. My heart swells with pride when I speak of you. You are the best man I have ever known and none will compare.
Thinking of you, Dad, makes me long for heaven that much more.
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| My handsome dad, about 6 years before I was born |
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| My dad (and mom) about a year before he passed |
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