Screaming kids give me a headache - and a full heart.

Last week was our church's Vacation Bible School (VBS).  This is always a fun, yet stressful, week in the middle of my summer.  This year's was no exception.

I begin planning for VBS a year in advance by getting the theme and figuring out what kit I am going to invest in.  Then in December, the planning stages begin to take shape.  It takes about 8 months of thorough planning to execute VBS week.  It is tedious and taxing but well worth the effort.

This year's theme was Pandamania.  It was such a fun theme and it deemed worthy to be number one as my favorite stage design.  It is amazing what you can do with some cardboard and a little imagination.

Many times I wonder why I do VBS.  I am not the children's church director, in fact, I am the youth leader.  Why have I decided to take on the task with this year being the 6th year I have planned and directed the event? 

The answer is simple.  Seeing a child look up at you with anticipation as you explain how much God loves them is the best reward of them all.  While I do not feel 'called' to children's ministry, a small part of me would love to jump into it and do it like VBS every Sunday.  You have to relate to people (including children) on their level.  Larger than life props, crazy lighting, fun songs, costumes and silly dancing helps keep the kids engaged and when they are engaged, they get it.

Every Thursday, we offer a salvation message.  This year we did a visual "skit" to help the kids connect that Jesus loves them and wants to be their 'forever friend'.  Then we have them sit in their crews and raise their hands if they want Jesus to be their forever friend.  I deliver it in a way they understand and they desire.  That night we had an attendance of 30 --- 28 raised their hands to accept Jesus.  Many will say that a child will just do something if asked.  Not true.....they understand and they know.  Statistics say that people generally accept Jesus before the age of 12.  That is why I do what I do.  The enemy was not pleased with me either.  VBS week was running rather smoothly until Thursday.  Everything that could go wrong did.  People weren't well, DVD's that we have to have for the opening were locking up and not working, I didn't seem to connect on stage with the songs or the kids, one child had a melt down due to losing her kitten that day.....and more....the enemy tried to thwart the evening.  I was frazzled but had others pray, took a deep breath and said - I will press on despite what comes my way.  The evening had a few hiccups but went well.  Take that, devil!

We are to give the Gospel freely in a way that relates to the audience.  Jesus spoke in parables and made them relatable.  If he talked about vineyards, it was because it was relatable to the people he was speaking with.  He wouldn't talk about oxen to someone who harvests grapes or he wouldn't speak of the vine if he was talking to a merchant.  He knew his audience and he targeted them with things they could associate with.  That is how we should present the Gospel.  We should consider who we are speaking with.  It is our obligation, as Christians, to share the Gospel of Jesus.....not matter the age.

This year we had an average of 40 kids a night.  Those little children, ranging in ages 5 - 11 years old (with some exceptions) - brought in enough offering to place an order for next year's curriculum.  Several of those children returned to church the following Sunday because they wanted more.  God places a hunger in us.  Sure, children's church is fun and exciting......but there is a fire that burns in those little kids.  They get it. 

We shouldn't overlook them.  They are the future church.  The bible says if we train a child up in the way he should go, he will not depart from it.  God is a big deal.  Share his love in a way they understand.  It is the best gift you can give someone - the knowledge and understanding of Jesus.

Can't wait to do it again next year.

Tragedy brings a repentant heart.....

I don't watch the news nor read much of it.  My dad was very routine when it came to the evening news.  He always watched it around 6pm and again later in the evening around 11pm.  He always liked to keep up with current events.  I, however, do not. 

But there is a current event that has peaked my interest - the shooting in Aurora, Colorado.  As I read more about the massacre that took place and watch news casts from the location, I can't help but play the 'what if' game.

Last night was the premier of The Dark Knight Rises, the new Batman movie.  I enjoy a good comic book flick as much as the next nerd but I lost interest in Batman some time ago (give me good ole Michael Keaton).  However, some of the students from my youth group were going to the midnight viewing and asked us along.  So, we decided to go.

As I watch the events in CO unfold, my heart breaks.  I sit and think what if that had happened where we were?  Society thinks they are immune to these events.  This is a laughable notion.  If we were immune, they would NEVER happen.  I am sure Aurora didn't anticipate this happening.  I am sure when the theater filled with avid Batman fans, they didn't think that that night would change their lives.

According to eyewitnesses and investigators - the young gunman, James Holmes,  bought a ticket and entered the theater then exited through an exit and made his way to his car.  There, he changed into all black gear (including a bullet proof vest, leg coverings, neck coverings, groin coverings, gloves, helmet and gas mask.  About 20 minutes into the movie, the gunman entered through the exit (which he presumably propped open) and threw a tear gas canister into the theater.  Movie patrons assumed this was a publicity stunt because it occurred at a moment in the movie during a shooting scene.  Then, Holmes shot one round towards the ceiling and it was then that chaos broke out.  He lowered his gun and opened fire into the theater.  He made his way up the aisle and continued to open fire.  As people made their way to the exit, he shot them one by one.  As of right now, he injured over 70 people and killed 12.  Holmes had 4 guns with over 6000 rounds of ammunition in his possession.

Police have caught the young man and have went to his apartment to discover it was so intricately booby-trapped that they had to send in a camera to view it.  They are sending in a high tech robot to go in and try to disarm the traps.

I was sitting and thinking, what if that had happened where we went?  If a gunman had opened fire into our theater...how it would effect so many people.  Caleb didn't go.  He could have lost everything.  A large part of our youth group had went.....not only would their families had been effected but our church would have been devastated.  This city of Aurora is in a upheaval.  Not just the families of the victims are effected but everyone who was there will be forever changed.

I think how we are never guaranteed tomorrow.  I know this is part of life but sometimes it takes a tragedy like this to really open my eyes to our immortality.  The bible says - 'Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.' (James 4:13-14) 

We do not know what will happen tomorrow.  We are never guaranteed it.  We take so many things for granted.  Our lives are so busy and revolve so much around our own wants and desires that we get so wrapped up in living that we never truly live.


This packed theater was full of people averaging in ages 6-31 years old.  How many did not know Jesus?  Or how many knew of Him but never took the steps to follow Him because they figured there was 'always tomorrow'?  


"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring." (Proverbs 27:1).  We truly don't know what tomorrow will bring.  It is a crazy thought.  It is sobering and a little frightening.  However, if we have a relationship with Jesus, we have no need to fear what a new day may bring.  We can anticipate joy and love and peace no matter the circumstance.  We spend too much time complaining and hating that it sucks the life out of us.  We need to dig deep and bring forth joy and compassion.


Evaluate your life.  If Jesus decided tomorrow was the day that you were to leave this earth, can you say that you are sure your eternity will be spent with Him?  I can say that even though I do my best to live as close to Him as I can, I fall short.  Thankfully, he says that if we repent and seek Him, we will always find Him.  How awesome is that? 

So, I pray for the victim's families tonight.  I pray for those injured.  I pray for those that had to witness and survive the horrendous ordeal.  I also pray for James Holmes.  This young man is not doomed to hell.  This young man is not innocent by any means and should be punished according to his crimes.  However, God is a fair and just judge and He loves Holmes no less than He loves me.  It wouldn't be fair to cast condemnation on this young man.  Even though his sin seems horrific in comparison to mine - sin is sin and none are greater than the other.  In the same retrospective - we are all God's children and He loves us all and asks us to pray for one another no matter the issues we are facing.  So, yes, I will pray for Holmes as much as I will pray for all involved.

God have mercy on this world.  Your grace is sufficient for me but Lord, I ask you to come swiftly.

Your heartbeat - the gateway to purpose.

Have you ever had a week-end that you were glad to see gone?  This past week-end was like that for me.

Vacation Bible School (VBS) is coming up in one week and this year has been the most stressful for me.  People don't realize how much work it takes in preparation to make it successful.  They see the finished product but not the process it takes to get it there.  I am already processing NEXT year's when this year's hasn't even happened.  I have decided to keep a journal next year of the steps it takes to create a week of Godly fun for the community - just to see how many hours I really put in.

Anyway, when I get a VBS kit it comes in a tin can with books, DVDs, CDs, etc.  They give you several of these media items and expect you to have this awesome media center and the volunteers to run it.  In our case, we have a projector that I run with a remote.  Therefore, I have to take all the music, the videos, the pictures.....everything and create a chaptered video that I can easily maneuver and make VBS a memorable time for the children.  I spent 40 plus hours using a program to break down all the disks and create 10 dvds.  I make one for the opening production and the closing production - therefore 2 per day/5 days.  I made these a month or so ago, thinking I was well ahead of the game.

I began to burn the disks and after the 6th one (Day 3), I decided to test them to make sure they were working properly.  To my horror, they all weren't working.  They all had a spot that skipped or locked up.  I was calm at this point and continued to tinker with the program.  After 36 hours of non-stop tinkering, I was at my wits end. 

Matt was at work and I was texting him in a panic.  I had these disks that HAD to be done in a week or else VBS would be ruined (a little dramatic because I could have made due with the simplistic program - but didn't want to), I had to work on a lesson for Sunday's class and I had to work on a dance routine for J-Walkers, our drama group.....this was Saturday afternoon.

I was on the verge of a nervous break-down.  I was so frustrated with everything that the tears kept welling up.  Finally, I just got up and went to my bedroom to have a good cry.  I was overwhelmed with my deadlines.

I have had people offer to help with VBS but, in all honesty, there are things that no one can help with.  Some people call me a control freak.  This is not true.  While I do like to have control over the situations I am involved in at times, when it comes to people helping I don't have an issue with it.  However, there are just some things that I know people can't help with and I also look at it like they have jobs, I don't.  I have the time; they don't.

So after the crying and feeling like I was going to just pass out from exhaustion, Matt texts me a scripture -- Ephesians 4:1 - "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."   

This made me cry again but for entirely different reasons.  The words Matt text me were so tender and so loving that they warmed my heart.  However, the words are true.  We all have a calling.  In Jeremiah it says that God knew us before we were even born.  Before we were even in the womb.  We often overlook that scripture but we should really chew on it.  God has known us longer than anyone else.  Before we were formed in the womb of our mothers, he knew us.  This has significance.  It means we were not an accident and we were created with a PURPOSE.  He knew us and he created us to be flesh on earth because we have a purpose that is mapped out.  Every one of us has a life worth living.  Every one of us has a purpose that God has placed in us.  When I meet with young people they always say - "I dunno what God's plan is for me."  I don't believe that.  I think we have a purpose instilled in us, deep inside our guts.  In return, I ask - "What gets you fired up?  What gets you so angry that you want to change it?  What makes your heart quicken when you think about it?  THAT is your purpose."  

It is up to us to follow that plan God has for us.  Everyone has a purpose for being on this earth - EVERYONE - from Charles Manson to Mother Teresa; we all have God's calling.  However, we choose to step out and follow it or follow a path less desired.  Both paths have consequences - good or bad.

"....live a life worthy of the calling you have received."  VBS may not seem like a 'calling' but it is.  God gives me the vision, the ideas and the strength.  I get 'fired' up thinking of next year's theme.  I get excited when everything falls into place.  Therefore, I shouldn't panic.  I shouldn't be overwhelmed.  I shouldn't be in my bedroom crying because I feel like I can't take much more.  I have been called to do VBS so I need to straighten my back and live the life worthy of the calling I have received.  

So if you have something burning deep inside you to do, do not be afraid to step out on faith and take the actions to do it.  In Jeremiah, after God told him that he knew him before he was even formed in the womb.....Jeremiah replied with - "I do not know how to speak; I am too young."  Often times God tells us what to do and we doubt it.  I can't do THAT, Lord....and we follow it with an excuse ("I am too young").  However, look at God's reply to Jeremiah -  “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send
you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,”   God is saying, I have commanded you to follow the dream I placed inside of you.  Do not be afraid, do not make excuses because I am with you.  


So whatever it is that you feel is your purpose, your dream, petition it to God and say "Here I am God" and he will make a path for you.  He will set the things in motion.  He will create the stepping stones and open the doors.  

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" -Romans 8:31

 

He stole my heart years ago....

Time has crept up on me .... and I don't like it.

Today is my son's 17th birthday - SEVENTEEN.  Holy cow!  It seems like it was a blink of an eye and he went from playing with Power Rangers to studying the driver's ed manual.  I admit, I am freaking out a little bit.  I don't know how parents have done it this long.

We used to say that we couldn't wait for our kids to grow up.  We would joke saying how great life would be once they moved out and it was just Matt and I.  Now that the day is not that far off, with a heavy heart, I tell them to never leave.  They look at me like I have three heads.

They don't understand a mother's love.  It scares me to death to think of them growing up, going to college, moving out, having a life that I don't have much of a say in.  Not only does it frighten me, but it also makes my heart hurt.

My pregnancy with him was as easy as easy could get.  I loved being pregnant and his was a walk in the park.  His due date was originally in June but he refused to make his debut.  Once he was 3 weeks overdue, the doctor said he needs to come out.  On a Monday, he induced me and while I had no contractions, he assured me that I would once I went home.  I didn't.

So, I went in Wednesday to be induced again with two separate hormones.  Paraphrasing here but he said I would be a freak of nature if my body didn't respond.  Well, call me a freak.  I went home still  pregnant and no contractions. 

Friday rolled around and I went in to get triple doses of both hormones.  They couldn't get the IV in and after 13 attempts, my mom was getting upset.  My arms were black and blue and I felt as if I was going to pass out.  My mom pitched a fit and after 4 different nurses tried to get the IV in, they called the doctor in.  He popped it right in and braced it to insure it didn't slip out.  Perhaps they should have opted for that option after the 5th attempt?

After an hour and pumping me full of synthetic hormones, I began to feel the most excruciating pain in my back I had ever felt.  Now, I knew how labor worked.  I took the classes, read the books and watched the documentaries.  This was NOT what I remembered.  It was like a wave.  Once contraction came, peaked, lessened and another was right behind it.  I was in so much pain that never subsided.  After almost 12 hours of continual, non-stop back labor the doctor checked and said I was dilated to maybe - MAYBE - 1.5.  That was a far cry from 10.  He said I could go home or they could just perform a C-Section.  At this point I was wore out and in so much pain I didn't care if they cut me open right then and there.  I opted to have them perform the C-Section.

And so, Caleb was born.  Caleb, while it is a biblical name, was not named after the Bible.  He was named after James Dean's character in the movie East of Eden - Cal, short for Caleb (which the character was named after the Biblical character).

He was a perfect, chunky little baby.  He really didn't fuss much and was pretty laid back.  As he became a toddler and his sister was born (when he was almost 2), he still was laid back.  He didn't show much interest in the new sibling.  He was his own person and was content in playing alone somewhere.  He is still like that - prefers to just hang out alone most of the time.

So as I remember the past years, I think how blessed I am to have such an awesome kid.  He never has a harsh word to say about anyone.  He is quick to forgive.  He has a warm heart.  He is a loyalist.  If you are his friend and you put in your part to make the relationship work, he will as well and be a friend for life.   He loves his momma - haha.  He has developed a relationship with Matt that warms my heart.  He still calls Cheyenne "sis".  He is a video game junkie and is quite good.  He is so smart that is frustrates me when he doesn't apply himself. He is a cat person and loves them.  I think he prefers his cat, Kirby, than he does me most of the time.  He is quick to help me out when I need it and while I need to tell him a couple times, he doesn't complain when I tell him to do something that needs to be done.  There are days he reminds me so much of my dad.  He will say something or an expression or way he moves across the floor that takes my breath away.  I know he and my dad would have been buddies.

He has grown into a good looking, kind young man that loves God.  While there are times I get frustrated with him or times where I beg him to watch a movie with me and he rather play Xbox.....I think how lucky I am to have an pretty cool kid.

So, happy birthday, Caleb.  You stole my heart when I held you in the hospital and you will have it for a lifetime.  While you prepare to enter adulthood next year, I have anxiety attacks but I offer this prayer to you -

I pray that you find happiness everywhere you go.  I pray that you are a blessing to all around you where you feet land and wherever your hand reaches.  I pray that you continue to seek God and never quit because life is an ongoing journey to reach Him.  I pray you keep your integrity and you keep you kind heart and that the world does not get a hold of it and taint it.  I pray that you remain friends with JJ because that is a friendship that warms my heart.  I pray that you find a girl that loves God more than she loves you.  I pray that you treat her with respect and love just as I pray she treats you the same.  I pray that she loves your family and treats them with respect as well.  I pray that you are successful in life and I know you will be because you are determined.  I pray that you never have to struggle to make ends meet and that you are smart with your finances.  I pray that you find beauty in everything and that life doesn't get so busy that you forget the little things.  I pray that you always know, no matter what, I am here for you - no matter the circumstance.  And finally, I pray that you know in your heart you always have a place to come home to.


Happy birthday, Caleb.  I love you.

3 months old

 

Caleb and Cheyenne - busted, 4 years old.

Caleb and I now.....such a handsome young man.