Leave the Pig Pen

The prodigal son......one of the best parables Jesus told, in my opinion.  It showed the unconditional love of a father, forgiveness and grace.  I am quite familiar with the story as is most anyone who studies the Word, but teaching it last Sunday gave me a fresh look on this story.

It starts in Luke 15:11.  Let me break the story down for you.  There was a father who was wealthy and had two sons.  The younger one wanted to sow his wild oats, so to speak, so he asked his father for his half of the inheritance now.  The father obliged and the son took off with his pockets full and not a care in the world.  It didn't take long for him to squander the entire inheritance.....on wild living (mainly prostitutes).  So, he aquired a job as a farmhand and his job was to feed the pigs.  He was so destitute and so hungry, he considered eating the pig slop.  He came to his senses and thought - "This is dumb!  My father's servants get treated better than this!  I am not worthy to be called my father's son but I will go back and see if he will hire me as one of his servants; at least then I will get food to eat and not have to live like this."  So he headed home. 

The father went out on this day and looked down the road and saw his son.  He didn't even wait for him to get to the house....he rushed out to meet him, embraced and kissed him.  He then told his servants to get the best robe, sandals and a signet ring for his son then slaughter the fatten calf to eat.  It was time to party!  So, the older son came in from the fields and heard the party going on and asked what was happening and when he found out it was in honor of the youngest son (who ran off and blew all their dad's money on sex and parties), he was angry and wouldn't even go into the party.  His father came out and said - "I have always had you here with me.  But your brother - he was dead and now alive; he was lost now is found."

Good stuff. 

Jesus spoke in parables a lot.  It is relatable and a story is easy to remember.  When I asked the youth to open to Luke 11, they had no idea what story it was.  But as soon as they saw the title "Parable of the Lost Son", a few were like 'ohhhhhhh yea'.   Jesus spoke in stories to get the point across and to make it personable so we can relate to it no matter if it was then or now.

So, what struck me deep in my spirit was towards the end of the story....

"So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." - Luke 15:20

I know my kids.  I have a son and daughter and I can pick them out of a crowded room.  I can see them walking down the street in the dark with other kids their age and know which is them.  I know their mannerisms, the way they walk .... I know them.

This father was wealthy.  He was, more than likely, not out in the fields working (he had servants), he probably wasn't outside in the heat milking a cow nor was he probably outside getting water (that was the woman's job).  So for his father to see him, he had to be outside.  I believe that the father went outside every day to watch for his son.  I believe he would go outside and look down the dusty road and every day be disappointed as he went back inside.  It probably got to the point that the servants were rolling their eyes and saying "There he goes again.  Doesn't he realize his son is probably dead?"   That father never gave up the hope that his son would return to him.  

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’" -Luke 15:21

The son was ashamed of his actions.  He knew he was trying to fill something in his life with the things of the world.  He went out thinking it was a better way of life.  The excitement and the thrill was too enticing to resist.  However, once he was out there, he realized that he had made a grave mistake.  His father's house was better than the world.  Guilt settled in and he walked home with his head hung low.   

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. --Luke 15:22-24

And yet this father didn't even ask where he had been, didn't scold him, didn't call him irresponsible nor did he say I told you so.  He had let his son go.....had let him learn a hard lesson.  However, when he returned, he welcomed him with love and compassion.  He clothed him in the best, he put a signet ring on his finger which was a sign of ownership.  He was saying - THIS is my son!

This is our relationship with our heavenly Father.  Sometimes we feel we need the world more than Him.  We feel we know what is best and sometimes, just like earthly parents, God lets us go to learn a hard lesson.   Even so, he is waiting by His house.  He goes out every day to look to see if we are coming back to Him.  Every day He waits with the expectation and hope that today is the day.  Then.....one day.....He sees a silhouette.  God the Father knows His children better than I know my own.  As He sees the silhouette coming down the road, He knows it is His child.  He rushes out to meet him (or her) and embraces him with compassion and love, never questioning or condemning.  He is merely happy that we have come back home to Him.  So much so, that He throws a party in our honor!

When we give up the world for God, however, sometimes those that don't understand will get angry....just like the older brother.  They don't understand why the world no longer is appealing, they don't understand why you want to go to church instead of going to a party, they don't understand why you don't make decisions frivilously but take everything to prayer, they don't understand why you are so excited about your Father that you talk about Him all the time.....people tend to grow angry at things they don't understand.

When we live in the world, sometimes we feel guilty or ashamed at what we have done.  "If you only knew the things I have done!" is a common statement.  I just want to say - "If you only knew the things I have done......but God has redeemed me!"   The son could have tried to clean up, look presentable and go see his father.  He could have, but he didn't.  He went just as he was, covered in his actions and shame.  There was no need to cover up what he had done because his father already knew.  All he could do was to come to him and say "here I am".   That is like our heavenly Father....he doesn't want us to clean up our sin before coming to Him.  He wants us to come just as we are.

In a couple weeks, it will mark the 8th 're-birthday' for Matt and I.  March 6 is the date we both accepted Christ.  It was the day that we walked down that dusty road, ashamed and dirty, feeling like we were not worthy to be called His son or daughter.  It was the day we left the pig pen and headed to our Father's house.  It was that day, He embraced us and kissed us and said Welcome Home.....

My daughter (and son) was dead but now they are alive; they were lost but now they are found.

Get Outta My Way

I love Tennessee.  Being from Indiana, the mountains seem almost magical.  They are so majestic that each time I travel south, I still stare out of my window in awe.

What if we could move a mountain?  What if I could just pluck one of those large rock structures and place it in Indiana where I live?  That would be a pretty amazing feat.  However, Jesus says that if we have the faith--- we can do just that.

"He [Jesus] replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” --Matthew 17:20

Let me set the scene for you.  Jesus is among a crowd and a man rushes to Him and mentions his boy is possessed by a demon.  The man says that everywhere he goes, the demon tries to throw the boy in the fire or the water.  Imagine being that parent and in that time period.  Fire and water were their livelihood.  They used fires to cook and heat their homes.  They were in a fisherman community so fishing was a way of life.  I imagine everywhere that man went, he had to hold onto his son with a bruising force to prevent him from convulsing and being thrown into the fire or water.  The boy wasn't safe in his home, in the community......anywhere.  The man was desperate.  He had tried everything.  He even mentions the disciples were unable to draw the demon out.

So, the disciples ask Jesus why they couldn't do it.....in which Jesus replied with Matthew 17:20.

There are a couple key points here.  First, the man was desperate.  Sometimes desperation brings us to our knees.  Sometimes we try everything else before we realize we just need to take it to Jesus.  There are times we run to our friends, our pastor, our mentor....all in the hopes of answers.  We just want help and try as they might, sometimes it isn't the help we need.  So in a final act of desperation, we fall on our knees and ask Jesus to offer a scarred hand of aid.  Jesus should be our first option, not our last resort.

Secondly, the disciples tried to help the boy but it did not work.  Their faith was lacking.  They wanted to help this man so badly but everything they tried failed.  They were frustrated and upset.  It says there was a crowd, so the disciples may even been ridiculed.  They traveled with Jesus, witnessed miracles and even performed some of their own and yet they couldn't help this boy.  Sometimes we are ridiculed and we feel ashamed or frustrated.  We try to help, whether it be someone else or ourselves, only to fall short because the faith we have is weak....smaller than a mustard seed.

Lastly - mountains.  All things are possible with God and if you have the faith and you look at the large, looming structure and tell it to move - it will move, literally.  However the mountains here are proverbial mountains.  They are the large things in our lives that we look at and think 'that is impossible to overcome'.  We hang onto our past mistakes and let them mold who we are.  We look at present circumstances and let them define our state of mind.  We look at the future and are gripped with fear.  Those mountains loom over us and we stand, small and timid, at the base and look up as the mountain casts an intimidating shadow down on us.  Sometimes we even call out to God with a resounding "God!  There is no way!".

But there is a way.  Actually, there are several options.  You can go over the mountain - while effective, it would be such a hard road to take with many obstacles and snares in your way.  You can go around the mountain - it would be less problematic as going over but it would still be a long road with the danger of getting lost or turned around. 

No, the most direct path is through it - not only through it, but Jesus is saying just tell it to move; tell it to step aside and then prepare yourself to run full steam to the other side.  If we have the faith, we can move whatever mountain is in our way.  Your past does not define you.  Your circumstances do not own you.  Your future does not have to be clouded with shadows. 

So what is your mountain?  What are you standing at the cusp of and looking up thinking "God, there is no way"?  What is holding you back from all that God has to offer you?  He wants to bless you.  He wants His spirit to minister to you.  He wants to commune with you.  What is it that you keep trying to go over and just struggle so hard because the road is unknown and snared?  What is it that you keep trying to go around because that seems the easiest way when in fact it will cause you to be tired and weary because the trek is too long?  God wants you to just move that mountain and take action.  He doesn't want you to look at it and think - 'Oh how I wish this mountain wasn't here'.  No!  He wants you to vocalize it - yell it....."GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

It is a new year and some of us have been standing at that mountain for such a long time.  Some of us have been trying to get around or over it for so long that you don't remember a time you weren't.  You are tired.  You are hungry for more.  You thirst for righteousness.  It is time to take a deep breath and cling to faith and yell at that mountain to --

GET OUT OF MY WAY!

2013 - let's do this.

As I sit here at 11 o'clock this morning, I ponder on, not only the previous year that has come and gone, but of the many years past...specifically - 8 years ago.

In 2005, Matt and I both accepted Christ.  It was March of that year so I think back to this day, 8 years ago.  I would have woken up, probably not this early, with a headache and feeling like I had been run over with a truck.  My kids would not be here but at their grandparents house and I would be sitting here thinking I would never do that again.  I would never drink myself into a drunken stupor where I actually lose moments of my life that I will never get back.  I would never drink so much that parts of the night are gone.  I had made myself this promise many times before.  I was a binge alcoholic.  I didn't drink on the weekdays, ever.  But once Friday came, I was anxious to get to the bar either Friday night or Saturday.  I hated the taste of all beers and most mixed drinks.  Let's be honest - alcohol tastes NASTY.  I wasn't a social drinker either.  If I was going somewhere to party, my sole intention was getting wasted.  Period.

So, I made the same silent promise to myself that I had made many, many times previous.  However, in 2005, I didn't realize that it would hold truth.....two months later, I accepted Christ.  I had one mixed drink when Matt and I went on a cruise that following May and drank half of it.  I no longer had the desire to drink or get drunk.  I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since. 

So what did I do for New Year's eve?  Since my last party in 2005, I have partied hard with a group that knows how to par-tay -- youth.  In 2005, we partied with our church's youth group at the time.  In 2006 and 2007, we hung out with my brother because we were in transition between churches.  But in 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 we partied with a group that farts a lot, belches, plays hide and seek, laughs when someone trips, needs a permission form, drinks enough soda to stay awake all night with a sugar buzz and tries to smash cans on their foreheads.  I can say that those years trump the previous years of spending way too much money to get way too drunk.

Last night was no exception.  Even though our group was small due to everyone having other plans that weren't as cool as hanging out with us and Jesus, we had a great time.  We hung out and played cards before driving an hour away to check out another church's party.  We figured since our group was small, we would take them somewhere to possibly have a good time.  We got there a little late and there were no seats not too mention we felt awkward and out of place since we were from a different church.  It didn't take us long to decide to just go back to our church and hang out.  So we did.

You may think the trip was a wasted one but I beg to differ.  The ride back was full of so much laughter, I don't remember laughing that hard in a long time.  Our bellies hurt, our eyes watered and I threatened to pee my pants on more than one occasion (that is when you know you are having a good time!).  The drive back, even though it was an hour, seemed like minutes because of the laughter and joking.  As I type this, I still smile at the thought of the conversations.

We didn't plan on partying at the church, therefore, we didn't have much in the way of food.  We had some hot dogs so we stopped and picked up a loaf of bread.  Needless to say the bread was stale but that didn't matter.  Our spirits were already lightened and our cheeks sore from laughter.....stale bread didn't dampen our moods.

Then we played board games that went a little like this *ahem*.....

Matt had to talk like a woman while Caleb did a photo shoot (bad kitty!), JJ not only fumigated us with his natural gas that he could bottle and use as chemical warfare but he had to ride an ostrich, Izzy sang a love song to her card, Caleb song us a wonderful rendition of "If you're happy and you know it" and I was stuck in a tree with a lobster while talking like Frankenstein while Antonio and Cheyenne were being anti-social in the other room.  haha.

And no, I was not drunk.

Quelf - the best game ever.

So, at 4:30 in the morning I finally crawled into bed.  My spirit was light, my eyes were heavy and my heart was full.  We may not party hard with alcohol any more but we have some of the best times with the most cherished memories. 

Instead of having a regret of spending too much money and drinking too much alcohol.....I have the regret of not taking many pictures to capture the evening.

If this is a taste of what 2013 holds for me.....I say bring it on. 

Matt and I, 4 in the morning......happy and sober!

The group Matt and I got to ring in the New Year with.  Who wouldn't want to party with this motley crew?

Finding God in the midst of tragedy.....

Our nation mourns.

Friday morning, a 20 year old gunman entered a school in Newtown, Conneticut armed with a rifle and two pistols.  He gunned down 20 children ranging in age 5-7 years old as well as 6 woman after shooting and killing his mother in their home then turning the gun on himself - 28 victims total.  This is the second worst school shooting in our nation's history with Virginia Tech being number one with 32 deaths.

This is becoming an epidemic.

Not that long ago, we were shocked to hear of the "Batman" shooter.  Then shortly after, another man was arrested for having an arsenal in his trunk saying he was heading to a local theater.  When the blockbuster, Breaking Dawn 2 came out, there was word a man was planning a theater attack.  Just over the weekend, a man was arrested in my state, not that far from where I live and go to church, because he threatened to burn his wife and go on a shooting spree at the nearby school.  He had 47 guns in his home.  Saturday, during mass at the local church in Newtown, someone called and said "my friend didn't finish the job" and said he would.  This has got to stop. 

The media flashes the killer's face and name everywhere on tv, the internet, papers, radio, etc.--almost like he is a celebrity.  We know his story, his past, his family, his medical condition.....everything.  What about Charlotte, Daniel, Rachel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Dawn, Madeleine, Catherine, Chase, James, Jesse, Grace, Anne, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Lauren, Mary, Victoria, Benjamin and Alison?  What about who they were?  What about their stories?

Perhaps if the media would just give the basic information about the killers and not "glorify" them, then others would not try to 'do one better'?  People with that mentality will see the publicity that one person gets and will then, in return, try to "up the ante" and create a shock circumstance to get their names sensationalized.

In 2010, China had an epidemic of men coming into schools, wielding cleavers and knives.  They would go in with the intent to do extensive harm.  Friday, the same day as Newtown's massacre, a man in China went into a school with a knife and injured 20 children.  I do not know his name or his background.  I just know of the incident.  Why?  Because China did not create a whirlwind publicity of the event or the assailant.  Since 2010, China has taken precautions against such attacks and while one occurred last week, they are now few and far between.  Perhaps we could learn a thing or two.

Then again, tragedy is what brings people together; it is what keeps us wanting more in some macabre way.  Tragedy is what keeps us gripped to our chairs, flipping through channels.  It is what keeps us browsing the internet for new information.  I admit I am one of these people.  I want to know everything there is to know.  Not because I am morbid but because the human mind fascinates me and I want to know what possesses someone to think that life is so messed up that massacring innocent children is okay.

I have heard Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the funerals of the victims.  Shame on you Westboro!  If this is true, then perhaps you should be directed to the Bible that you are staking your claim to justify your actions --".......whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished." -Proverbs 17:5.  The fact that they call themselves a church leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I have heard some say that we need to put God back into the schools.  God has never left the schools.  He is there as He has always been.  Jesus, Himself, said he would never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).  God was there last Friday amidst the sorrow and tragedy just like He was there in the Garden of Eden, when Cain killed Abel, with Daniel in the lion's den, with Judas' treacherous kiss....with Jesus on the cross.  

God did not do this.....God did not create this sinful world.  

We did.

He created us with a plan in mind and gave us free will.  It was our own free will and our own arrogance that created the world we live in.  God knew what we would do, I have no doubt because He is all knowing....however, even though he knew what Eve would do once tempted....He hoped she wouldn't. 

This world is going to be full of hurt, tragedy and sorrow.  It will continue to be a cesspool of negativity and heart ache until the moment when Jesus returns.  We can merely learn from the circumstances we are thrust into.  Learn to love a little more, care a little more, hate a little less......to come together as a nation and help those hurting and hope that if we face devastation, the favor would be returned.  We can pray for the families affected and pray for the killer's family.  They are going through this devastation as well - they lost family too.

Lastly, gun control.  I admit I hate guns.  My dad had them growing up.  I don't want to hold one, I don't want to shoot one....I dislike them.  With that being said, I am not naive.  I do not think guns are the issue.  We can take them away all we want but if someone wants a gun - they will find a way to get it.  Guns will not eliminate violence.  Cain killed Abel with a rock because his drive to do so was so consuming that he was out to kill his brother with whatever means necessary (Genesis 4).  He could have planned it and had wielded a knife or something that would have done the job easier.  However, being consumed with jealousy and rage, he did the deed with the nearest object.   Hitler used gas.....everyday people are creating bombs, fire, gases, chemicals, etc.......you can take away the guns all you want but if someone has the mindset to create chaos --- they will find a way.

With all this being said, I do not fear for my life or my children's.  I refuse to live in fear.  God says we do not have the spirit of fear.  It is what it is.  I will rejoice in the victories and mourn in the sorrow.  I will look for the good in all circumstances.  

While this event has broken my heart, it will not be the last of its kind.  The scales are in the balance, dangerously on the verge of tipping.  What will be the final grain of sand that causes the scale to tip?  What will be the final event that causes Jesus to look at the Father and ask "is it time?" and the Father to look back with a resounding "YES"? 

It will continue to get worse.  It has since Eve took that first bite.  Our world was then destined to die.  We have to look at the big picture.  While things will inevitably get worse, Jesus is still King.  He will return and bring righteousness.  He will return in all His glory and take us to the place He has prepared where there will be no more sorrow, no more pain and no more tears.  A place we will be reunited with loved ones.  A place where I will sit at the feet of Jesus and a place where I can rush to my earthly father who has passed on and hug him and say "I made it!".  It will be a place of constant joy, saturated with praises and love......a place where the mothers will be reunited with their children. 

I, for one, cannot wait.  Jesus....come swiftly.

Sometimes the holidays aren't that merry.....

I used to think Christmas wasn't as magical once the kids had gotten older.  Granted, they still enjoy the season and we still do traditions that we started when they were younger but it has lost the wonderment of a child's imagination.

However, a few years ago, I kept thinking that mentality and it started putting me in a funk for the holidays.  I started to grumble, hate to go shopping, snarled at the Christmas music blaring in every store and just wasn't showing the love of Jesus when people needed it the most.  I was just a Scrooge.

I then made up my mind that I would not be like that.  I would make an effort to enjoy the season.  I would smile when others were frowning, I would hum Christmas tunes as I maneuvered my cart past rude customers like I was in the Indy 500.  I would put the Christmas tree up with joy and I refused to stress over gifts.  I would bring the cheer back.

I found that, with this mentality, the holidays were a pleasure to welcome in.  It made the laughter a little more hearty.  It made the memories a little more special.  It was what Christmas was truly intended for.

Last year that changed, or it tried to.  My family didn't get together due to some differences.  While I still celebrated Christmas with my brother, it just wasn't the same no matter how hard I pretended it was.  We still made wonderful memories at home with our kids and we even had a divine visitation which will never be forgotten.  However.....it just wasn't the same.  Despite that, I still put on the Christmas cheer and made it a fun season, regardless.

So here I sit.  As soon as Thanksgiving was over and the calender flipped to December, I have been in such a poor state of mind that I can not seem to find where I misplaced my joy.  No matter how hard I tried....I would consciously try to get to that joyful state of how amazing God is and He sent his son - that was the true meaning of Christmas.  And yet, I would linger there for a moment only to have the dark cloud creep back in.

I miss my dad.

That was where it stemmed from.  The 22nd of this month marks 20 years ago that my dad was diagnosed with only 2 months to live.  His birthday is the 18th.  I always feel I have to tell Matt that.  On the 18th I will tell Matt "Today is my dad's birthday" just as I have done the past 16 years.  I am unsure why this year is harder than the previous.  Perhaps it truly isn't and just seems that way.  Whatever the case, I find myself thinking of him often and when no one is around, I shed a tear or two.

I think of how Christmas was a holiday that my dad loved.  He enjoyed getting on the floor with the grandkids (he only had a short time with them).  He laughed harder than he ever had all year; his eyes held a sparkle that his illness robbed him of the other 11 months out of the year.  He ate until he couldn't eat anymore and enjoyed the food without getting sick.   He would steal pieces of turkey as my mom would turn her back and he would enjoy cookies dipped in his coffee.  I remember him sitting in his recliner and just watching the room as if he was trying to burn that moment into his memory.

There were many Christmases that my dad spent it in the hospital.  He was prone to pneumonia, bronchitis and other afflicting illnesses.  When asked what are some of my favorite Christmas memories, there are very few.  However, the ones I do I have, I cherish.

This year will be no different than last.  We will go to my brother's and spend it with him and his family.  While I love my brother dearly and enjoy his company......it isn't the same.  I can't help but think how my dad would not allow this.  No matter what disputes we had; no matter what differences we shared....he made us put them aside if only for one day of the year.  I know, deep in my heart, this is the way it should be.  Forgiveness should mend my heart.  But it is so hard.  It is hard to pretend as if nothing happened.  It is hard to put my kids in a situation where they are uncomfortable.  We recently were privy to new information that would make the situation even MORE uncomfortable.  So while I danced with the idea of contacting everyone to get together, I decided not to.

That is another thing that makes my heart heavy.  I was always the one to contact everyone to get them together.  If I do not contact anyone, I won't hear from them.  That hurts my heart deeply because it feels as if I am not important to them.  I often wonder if I even cross their mind as much as they jog through mine?

I am trying to be joyful and merry this year because it isn't fair to my family and those around me to be in such a funk.  However, I admit I am having a hard time overcoming.  I am typically a pretty strong person so this time is making me not only melancholy but angry at myself for feeling this way.

I know God is a restorer and I know that He is close to the brokenhearted.  I know all the right things and I know the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy....I know.  However, knowing it and trying to grasp the reality of it when you feel like you are drowning are two entirely different things. 

I will persevere.  I will come out better than the way I went in, however right now I am just sad.  I am sad on so many levels that it makes my heart so heavy I fear it will drop to the bottom of my stomach.

The only thing I know to do is sit at the feet of Jesus.....and sometimes that is even hard to do.  I know He is there for me and wants to carry my burdens and heal my heart but I feel like restoration is so far from reach that my arms will get tired before I touch the hem of His garment.

As many of you read this, do not feel pity for me.  Do not think that I need to 'get over it'.  I will get over it but right now, it is hard as I sit and miss my dad and wish he was here.  When people lose loved ones, I never give them empty promises that it will get better.  While SOME days are better; you never truly stop hurting.  Some days I hurt so much that I feel like the pain is still raw.  There are other days when I cannot wait to get to heaven just to see my dad.  And yet there are other days when I feel sorrow that I didn't cherish what time I did have because I was being a stupid, rebellious teenager. 

So, while everyone is out shopping and enjoying their time with their loved ones and friends---remember that behind some eyes there is the pain the holidays bring; behind some smiles is a heartache that will never heal.  Be sympathetic and offer love to those that need it even when they say they are 'fine'.

My dad sitting on the floor while my niece, Chantel, thanks him for the gift.  These are the moments I cherish.

When I am weak; He is strong....

 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  - Galatians 6:9

This is one of my favorite scriptures.  I hold fast to this on many occasions, remembering God's promises.

When I first went to the altar to get saved (a term used by Christians when one accepts Jesus into their lives), God spoke very clearly to my heart.  He told me I would work with youth in some capacity.  So, as soon as I accepted Jesus, I jumped right into the ministry.  At the church I was saved in, Matt and I both stepped into the youth.  Even though it was for a short time before we moved on, we still built a couple bonds that are strong today.

That was over 7 years ago and I am still in youth ministry.  At first it was fun, lots of laughs and good times.  However, as the years progressed it became even harder.  There were more tears than laughter.  There was more pain than rejoicing.  There was more anger than love.  It became HARD. 

I am not going to lie - I had thought about quitting on more than one occasion.  I didn't know if I could handle the roller coaster of emotions I had to deal with, not just with the youth but within myself.  I am a very empathetic person.  When someone hurts, I hurt.  When someone feels grief, I grieve.  It is something I cannot help.  Let me tell you......this young generation is hurting.  Hurting so terribly that they need a healer.  They are searching for something to fill the void; mend the hole.....unfortunately, they are looking in all the wrong places so we, as mentors, need to teach them that there is only one way to fix it - Jesus.

I think society thinks of youth ministry as a fun ministry where you play silly games, eat lots of junk food and lay around telling corny jokes.  While this is part of youth ministry, it is such a small part.  People don't see you sitting in a room while a young girl cries because she has been sexually abused.  People don't see you up all night worried about a teen that just text you about his/her cutting addiction.  People don't see you stressed because one of your teens hasn't been in youth for a few weeks and you know they have a reckless behavior.  People don't see you holding a teen that just needs to cry because they feel worthless.  People don't see you crying with a young girl/boy who feels lonely in a crowded room.  People don't see your heart broken when someone you have poured into rejects you.  People don't see the tears of sadness you shed when one of your youth goes onto college.  People don't see you in the store, deciding what is the best gift to get one of your youth that is away and misses everyone.......everyone who never texts to check up on him/her.   People don't see you trying to stay awake at 3 in the morning because a youth wants to just talk because they are lonely and have no one else to talk to.  People don't see your meal getting cold on the counter because someone sent you a private message on FB, needing to talk.  People don't see your gas gauge floating barely above empty because you ran into town because a youth needed you.  People don't see you praying harder than you have ever prayed before, pleading with God to just reveal himself to your youth so they "get it".  People don't see you rejoicing when they do "get it".  People don't understand why you are in the check out line buying pickled pigs feet and sardines.  People don't understand why there are always bags under your eyes.  People don't see you scrape together your pennies to ensure there is pizza on movie night.  People don't see you change your plans so that events will work around the teens schedule. 

People don't see you praying to God to confirm that youth ministry is where you should be.

It isn't easy but it is worth it.  Have I thought about quitting?  On more than one occasion.  I won't deny it.  I have thought about going a different avenue, thought about moving to a different state even.  However, when I get to those moments, God reminds me that He has called me to do this.  He has told me I would work with youth my entire life in some capacity.  When I feel like throwing in the towel, I get a message from someone saying they need my help.  I get young people that I don't even know messaging me saying they need someone to talk to. 

It is often times and thankless job.  It is a job I don't get a paycheck for.  It is a job that is "on site" training.  I don't always know what to say or do.  I was never trained for this.  However, God has instilled the desire and the love for this generation.  That is all I need. 

So when you ask someone what they do and they say "youth leader", don't jump to conclusions that it is all fun and games.  When someone introduces a person as the "youth pastor", shake their hands and thank them.  They are making a difference, just like all areas of ministry are.  Don't look at your church's youth group as a place where the kids are placed to be "out of the way".  These young people are our future.  They ARE the church.  They want to find their place; they want to be heard; they want to be accepted and loved - just like the rest of us.  Do not count them out because they are young.  Do not cast judgment because they are loud and rowdy.  They are the energy that moves mountains.  They are the fresh air that can breath new life into old bones.  Do not hinder their talents; do not push them aside.  They were created for a time such as this.  You can either jump on the wagon or get off the road because these young people are making a way.......it may not be a way you are used to but it is a God paved path and it is leading to great things.

With that being said, I just want to say I love my youth group.  I am humbled beyond measure that God has placed me there with a great group of young people.  I feel loved by them; I am proud of them; I enjoy hanging out with them and I am blessed to have them in my life and to have my own kids as part of that group.  It is hard work but it is rewarding.  It is thankless but it is needed.  Hats off to my fellow youth leaders.  Keep fighting the good fight.

These kids need us.

Says it all

Ok...so being in youth ministry gives me a legit reason to do something like this....hehe

Tender moments

They love Matt too......I think. haha

King trumps President.....

In the aftermath of the political fiasco, I woke up to Google who won the election.  I went to bed once Matt turned the station to political jargon.  I, frankly, never followed politics nor cared to.  I know who the president is and that is about as far as my political knowledge goes.

I woke up to quite a few posts on Facebook that I scrolled through, read, pondered and even furrowed a brow once or twice at the statements made -- most made by fellow believers. 

Now, while I don't follow politics and I knew that Obama was for gay marriages and abortion - two things I do not stand behind because they go against Biblical principles.  Did I vote for Romney then?  No, I didn't vote at all.

*GASP*

I know...I have heard it for months.  It is my Christian duty to vote.  It is my obligation as a Christ-followerer to make a difference with my ballot.  Yea, I get that.  However, I have faced some nasty arguments, insults and words making me feel less of a Christian because I choose not to vote.....and these are coming from my fellow believers in Christ.  Just as it is your freedom to vote; it is my freedom not to.  It is not your place to shove politics down my throat and judge me because I choose not to cast a vote.  I have never voted....probably never will.

With that being said, I do not complain about who is in office.  Obama is in the White House....okay.  There is nothing I can do - what's done is done.  Last time I checked Jesus is still on the throne.  Christians (and non) are posting how we are doomed; there is no hope; better be praying more than ever; etc.  Shouldn't we have been praying all along?

Wake up, Christians!  Jesus is King.  That will never change.  He allows these events to take place.  Nothing....NOTHING happens without God letting it happen (hello....read the book of Job).  Yet I continue to read post after post about how there is no hope, all is lost.  Seriously?  How about we not put our trust in the man we put in the White House but in the Man we put on the cross???

Instead of complaining and speaking negatively, how about we pray for our president?  We will pray for our family's salvation and those close to us, we pray they make better decisions and find God.  And yet the man who makes the decisions for us all, we say there is no hope.  He is no less deserving of our prayers.  He is not HOPELESS.  Nothing is impossible with God!  He hears our pleas and our petitions go before the throne.  So instead of getting on our soap box, how about we get on our knees?

I have heard about this being the last days and I even said something similar.  It is true.  This planet has been dying and in its "last days" since the Garden of Eden.  However, as the birth of the resurrected Jesus draws near (what we, Christians, call the rapture or Jesus returning for his bride - aka the Church), the earth will experience birthing pains.  They will get more frequent and more painful......people will become lovers of themselves, false teaching will emerge and devastation will hit like never before and it will become like in the days of Noah.  Christians are saying this like it is a bad thing?!  I say bring it on!  Jesus can return anytime and I would be okay with that.  Granted, I would want him to hold out just a little while longer so I could spread the Gospel more but if He chose to come now, I will be weeping with joy at my King's feet.

So, as this election caused many to cringe and snarl with distaste - just remember that Obama may be president but his reign will be over in 4 years ---- Jesus is KING forever.  Trust in the one who died for you and promised to return. 

All will be okay.