Happy Birthday, Baby...

So another year has rolled around.  Today is my daughter's birthday.  She is 17 years old.

Say what?!  How, on God's green earth, am I old enough to have a 17 year old and an almost 19 year old?  Is this real life??

T'is true.  Almost to the hour, 17 years ago my daughter was born.  She was born via scheduled C-section.  Going into it, I figured it would be a piece of cake.  My son's was.  Boy was I wrong.  I was miserable, sick, in and out of consciousness and didn't even get to hold her until about 12 hours after she was born.  Little did I know then that was a foreshadowing of her personality.

She was 9 pounds 7 ounces of perfection.  She had so much hair that I could put it into a bow and brush it.  Her little round face was all squishy and kissable.  Ugh, I can't stand it now that I think about it.

She was a cute toddler too.  She had such a sweet, tiny voice and when she got excited she would hop up and down and her voice would go an octave only dogs could hear.  She had a speech impediment that was a form of verbal dyslexia.  She would switch letters in words around or omit them all together.  For example, she would say an "r" instead of a "b".  When she said the world "like", she omitted the "l" entirely.  We would affectionately call it "Chey-nese".  No one could understand her except us and even then there were times I had to ask her brother what she was saying.  I can remember her getting so frustrated with us.  It wasn't until she started school and took 3 years of therapy before she could speak properly and even today there are times she stumbles over her words.

She loved her pacifier......dear Lord, we made many midnight trips to Walmart or the drug store because a screaming toddler couldn't find her "nuk".  She had it until she was almost 4 years old.  She would talk to me and I remember saying - "Cheyenne, take the nuk out."  She would and then say what she needed to before popping it back into her mouth.

She loved playing in the dryer, loved Blue's Clues, loved Teletubbies (LaLa - which she called Ya-Ya, was her fave), loved to play hide-and-seek, love to dance and sing.

I miss that.

She has grown into an amazing young woman.  She is smart and witty, still loves to dance and sing and has a heart of gold.  Does she have attitude?  Dear Lord she has enough to span the globe, but that is what can be expected from a teenage girl. (haha).

Going into her senior year this fall, she has felt a calling to become a missionary.  She plans to go to a missionary school before being placed in the field.  This freaks me out a little bit.  Granted, I want her to do amazing things and have amazing adventures....and of course do what God lays on her heart......but going to college is one thing.  I am dealing with that currently with my son and trying to get a handle on my emotions.  However, to go to another country?!  That's prosperous!  I can't jump and get her when she cries because she is homesick, I can't rush to her when she has something coming against her and I can't sit and watch a movie with her wrapped up in blankets.  Skype will be my friend.  It will be hard and it freaks me out but I have to be strong and encouraging.

She has so much to offer the world.  She is not afraid to be her own person.  She colors her hair extreme colors (it is currently teal), wears clothes that make me question her sanity and dances like no one is watching.  She has a heart for all animals and if I let her, I am pretty sure I would own every stray animal we see.  She loves photography and old typewriters.  She loves Disney and isn't afraid to show it.  She would rather watch cartoons than anything else.  She gets excited over the small things and isn't afraid to make plans with her momma.

Now that I think about it, we could learn a lot from her.....

It has been a rough 17 years.  I was 21 and had a baby and a toddler and no clue what I was doing.  I was getting out of one marriage and into another.  I was heavily into drugs and alcohol the first 8 years of her life.  If it wasn't for her, it would have taken me a lot longer to find Christ....if at all.  Life wasn't easy, I was young......but I did the best I could and I think that is pretty dang good.  I have two amazing kids - one going to Purdue this fall and one wanting to become a missionary.  I never worry about where they are and they aren't afraid to come hang out with me.

I am going to miss them.  Terribly.

Enough of that!  Today is a day of celebration!!!!  So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHEYENNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Today we shall eat cake and go to the mall!!!

My prayer for you is that you follow your heart, seek after God and live a life with no regrets.  Enjoy the moment and never lose that child-like innocence.  Love with your whole heart and only give it away to the one you know that God has given you.  Be strong and courageous and know that I am your number 1 fan.

Love you!

3rd bday

getting baptized, 8 yrs old

silly monkey, 1 year old

camping, 5 yrs old

in her favorite place with her favorite things, 2 yrs old

1 day old

buddies

Practice What You Preach

Another year is flying by.

Yesterday was our 5th year of Built for Battle - our annual youth rally.  I am sore, tired and feel blah but it was so worth it.

This year's theme was "Armed & Dangerous".  The whole concept this year was to empower the young people of this generation.  We wanted to awaken something inside of them and show them that regardless of their circumstance, they were created with a purpose.

Every year we have a youth/young adult speaker.  We feel it is vital for those attending to see a peer and hear them speak about what God has laid on their hearts.  This year, Antonio Porras volunteered.  For being such a quiet young man, he definitely did a fantastic job!  His sermon involved live fish (which may or may not have been alive at the end of the night.....) and his point was made in a way that I am betting no one will soon forget.

Mike Feagans was another speaker who spoke on having faith the size of a mustard seed and being "all in".  He was very interactive and required participation - you could tell he is a teacher by trade.

Music this year was done by Alias and friends, a hip hop artist out of Michigan.  We have been blessed by our entertainers year after year.  In choosing them, I take it to prayer and God always delivers.  Alias was no exception.  He was a fantastic individual, loved performing, loved interacting with the crowd and an all around great guy.  Check him out on Facebook and give him some love.

Once Ascended took the stage again.  They have performed several times for us and a great group.  While we were anticipating a more upbeat set, their hearts were in their worship and they did great.

Matt and I closed it out.  I spoke on Gideon and our tokens this year were small glass jars with a light inside.  While I had this elaborate stage design planned, unfortunately I had to scrap the idea due to lack of space once equipment was was set up.  I'm not going to lie - I was disappointed.....but the message was still delivered and went forth.

Matt closed out the night with a story that brought the point home and an altar call.  The most anticipated part of the event.

Not to mention - concessions, loads of give - aways, dinner, photo booth, J-Walkers Drama Group and merchandise.  I wish I could thank everyone who volunteered or donated but I am afraid I will miss someone.  Therefore, I hope everyone knows how truly grateful I am for your help, encouragement and support!

Now the moment of truth......

This year was a rough one.  I had so many things come against me, I was feeling out of sorts and just not with it.  I tossed around the idea of making this year the last.  *gasp*   I know.....  It is hard and a lot of work and things got the best of me.  No matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I sought God...I still felt defeated.  I felt like a hypocrite.  I was pumping everyone up on being built for battle and created for war and I, myself, felt like I had lost the fight.

Typically, before B4B is even over, I have the tagline for next year.  The event is called Built for Battle but each year there is a tagline - this year's was "Armed & Dangerous".  I have noticed, over the years, the taglines have almost created a story.  God's cool like that!  But this year - I didn't have one.  I always like to blog about the event while it is fresh.  Therefore, I try to the following day (which is today).  It has been a tradition that I announce the tagline for next year but I didn't have one.  So I thought - maybe this *is* it!?

So, while I sat in the sanctuary today as Pastor Mark gave his sermon....my mind began to wander (sorry, Pastor!).  As it did, I was thinking - "Ok, God.....you gotta give me something.  What do you want me to do?  Hang up the shield or continue on?  If you want me to continue on......"  that is as far as I got and the words came as clear as water. 

God is good.

So....without further ado......


*drum roll*

BUILT FOR BATTLE '15

"Comrade in Arms"

Two are better than one...If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

Ecclesiastes 4:9

Pictures for B4B '14

 

Born to Raise the Dead

Time flies, I think we can all agree on that mantra.  It is nearing May and it is my "busy" season.  First on the agenda is the Built for Battle (B4B) youth rally.  We are entering our 5th year doing this event that was birthed out of a need rather than a want.

We were going to local conferences geared towards the youth, however the prices kept inclining.  By the time hotel was figured out, gas, food and the registration for the event - we were talking around $100 for an overnight trip.  While this may seem like a reasonable amount to some, it isn't to our group.  Not only did the youth struggle to get the $100 (even with fundraising) but my kids were entering the youth group and for Matt, myself and my two children to go we are bordering on $400 (nope, youth pastors don't get a discount!).

Therefore, Matt toyed with the idea of creating our own event.  Honestly, I was against it.  I was already doing annual concerts geared towards the youth and didn't want to take on another event.  But the more I thought about it, the more the idea intrigued me.

A name.

A name can make or break an event.  I told Matt it had to be catchy and roll off the tongue.  He tossed out a few that made me wrinkle my nose.  I then shook my head and said - "No, it has to be something catching like Built for Battle or something like that."  He didn't like it; I didn't really like it because I just spouted it off as an example.  But the more I thought about it, the more I actually liked it.  So it stuck.

Our first event was an overnighter and while it was fun, it was disastrous at the same time.  We tried to take what we knew about conferences and do ours with that model.  It didn't work.  So, the following year we decided to make it one, long all day event.  This worked perfectly.  The key was not to model it after someone else but to make it our own.

So what is B4B?

Built for Battle is an all day event that is geared towards youth and young people (but all ages can attend).  It is an event to equip this generation with the necessary tools to go out into a world and fight for the lost.  It is an event where we demonstrate to this generation that they are valued, they have worth and that they were created with a purpose.

We do this event on a shoestring budget.  The first few years we funded it out of our own pockets.  Then we started to do fundraisers and ask for donations and while the funds are still minimal, God is not impressed by fancy lights and expensive give aways.  His message gets across and He shows up ever time.  He's good like that!

So our event is 7 hours on a Saturday.  We try to make it not too late due to church the next day however, the Holy Spirit sometimes has his own agenda.  We never do a formal dismissal.  When the altars open, we explain they are free to leave at any time but we will stay as long as it takes to break strongholds and heal hearts.  We have stayed over 2 hours while young people wept at the feet of Jesus and cried out for their generation.  Looking on these youth that fill our floor at the front of the sanctuary, I feel so undeserving.  I feel so humble that God uses me and all the volunteers to usher in His spirit to minister.

Our event has live music.  We try to get a variety and we seek out local, unsigned talent.  We want to support local music and we find that the artists that aren't signed are typically the best to have.  They come early, they stay late, they talk with the kids, they minister and they are humble.  We try to have a fun artist and a worship artist.  We like to have fun but we also want to give glory where it is due. 

We have guest speakers.  We try to have at least one speaker be a youth/young adult.  This is a youth rally therefore we feel they need to hear from their peers.  Matt and I pray and follow God's lead on how he wants the final message to go.  I did it last year and God gave me a message for this year that Matt and I will be working on together.  I am pretty excited.

We have food.  We sell concessions to make some profit to go into next year's fund but we also have a free dinner with dessert.  We sell event tee shirts as well.  We have loads of give aways.  That is the best part of an event, right?  Everyone likes to win something.  Unfortunately, not everyone can but we do give away a lot of small stuff like cups, shirts, candy, drinks, etc.  Then we have our door prize that values around $100. 

We then throw in some fun stuff like JWalkers drama group, games, a photo booth, etc.  It is loads of fun and we are truly blessed to be a part of it.

When we started this, our main goal was not charging an admission.  We never wanted someone to be deterred from coming due to an inability to pay.  Therefore, we offer all this for free.  Yes, we have items you can purchase but someone could come to this event and not bring a dime and have a great time!  We started out with about 50 people (most from our church).  Our heaviest event had over 140.  This year we anticipate over 100 with youth groups from around the area - some traveling about an hour!

It is just a little over 2 weeks away.  Money is tight this year as businesses didn't want to be as generous as they have been in the past.  However, I know this event is blessed by God and when God blesses something, He goes all the way - not just half way.  I know I will have what I need and that the event will be phenomenal.

So, if you are reading this blog - just say a prayer for our event.  Just pray for the building to be busting at the seams - not just with people but with His spirit.  Pray that those who come don't leave the same way they entered and that the transformation stirs something inside them.  Something that sticks to them like honey and is sweet to those around them.  That they get a fire to change this generation, state, nation and world! Pray that they take that back to their city, family, school and community.

If you are a young adult/youth reading this - come check it out!  May 17th, 2-9pm (cst) at The Bridge (615 W Clark) in Rensselaer.  I promise you that you will not be disappointed.

If you are a youth leader or pastor - bring your group (register at www.thebridge-rensselaer.org).  It is FREE and a fun time.  We like to keep the event moving along and pack a lot in the time we have. 

When we look out and see young (and old) people, face down at the altars crying for change within themselves and within their society - it is all worth it.

Band - From These Ruins

Altar Time

 

Praying for one another

Transformation - if I can do it, anyone can!

So I have been on a transformation journey.  Many people have asked "how did you do it?" or "how can I do it?".  Therefore, I  thought I would blog about my accomplishments that have gotten me to this point. I would have blogged earlier but I was waiting for a milestone and am within a stone's throw away.

I started this journey to a healthier, happier me last fall - October to be exact.  I had gotten to a point that I was in a state of depression.  There were a lot of changes happening and, quite frankly, I didn't want to accept them.  My kids were getting older, talking about college, talking about moving away....I realized I would be an empty nester in a few years and that really hit me hard.  It was almost like I was going through a mourning period.  A time where I was grieving the loss of my kids as they were leading into their adulthood.  It wasn't a good place to be.

Therefore, I looked at myself and realized I had enough of the person I was staring at in the mirror.  I was unhealthy, overweight, unhappy and was done.  It was time to shed the weight.

It was easy to start with.  I reverted back to low carb dieting (in a sense, Atkins).  It had worked well before but it is definitely NOT for everyone.  In the course of a couple months I shed 20 pounds, which was good considering it was over the holidays.

The first of the year rolled around and Matt convinced me to check out the gym. It had taken him the better part of the previous year to convince me to go.  I thought I was going to be "that girl" - the overweight girl in the sea of hard, fit bodies.  The one struggling to catch her breath, red faced and huffing and puffing while everyone else made it look effortless.  To be honest, when we went to check out the gym - that is exactly the way it was.  I looked around to see hard bodies lifting weights and I felt like a beluga in an ocean of sharks.

But, I was diligent.  I went to the gym, on average, three times a week (often times more) taking classes.  I did the treadmill at home and limited my calories. The crazy thing - I was enjoying it.  I went to the gym on days I didn't want to, I went on days I didn't feel well, I went when the roads were icy, I went when I was sore........the point is - I went.  No excuses.

One day I woke and realized my body had changed seemingly overnight.  I was seeing muscles that had been dormant for most of my life, I was seeing bones that were masked by fat and I was taking shape instead of being just a mass.  It felt good.

It all wasn't good though.  There were weeks I gained (as much as 3 lbs), there was a period where I went over 2 weeks and hadn't lost a pound, there were times I almost cried because of the scale fluctuating.  Then I realized - I will continue to work hard and not give up, no matter what the scale says.  That number does not define who I am.  So, with that being said - I have lost shy of 50 lbs since the beginning of the journey.

People ask me how I did it.  Two things - eat less and move more.  There is NO diet pill, NO magic shake, NO magic diet.....it isn't rocket science and does not happen over night.  So, here is a break down of how I did it:

I limit my calories to 1200-1300 calories a day.  Yes, there are days I squeak a little more but never do I go less.  If you (as a woman) go less than 1200 calories, the body goes into starvation mode.  It thinks it is starving and doesn't know when it's next meal is going to come so it hordes all the calories you intake and stores it.  I eat every 3 hours, give or take.  Again, this keeps the body working. It keeps the metabolism working so it doesn't slow down and become sluggish.  I try to eat more protein - eggs, beans, meat, protein bars, Greek yogurt, etc.  Protein takes longer to digest so the metabolism has to work harder to break it down into fuel (causes you to feel full longer too!).  I don't clean eat....meaning eating all natural, not processed.  If I want a snack, I eat it.  I just eat less of it and don't exceed my calories.  I hate....HATE drinking water.  I think it is pointless because it has no nutritional value and no taste.  However, the body needs it. Water flushes out impurities, helps fight hunger, good for hair/skin, flushes out sodium and replinishes the water you lose.  So I try to drink more and haven't mastered the required amount just yet.  I drink a lot of green tea, hot and cold.  Drinking 3 cups a day has proven to speed up metabolism and has other health benefits.  I can NOT drink unsweetened tea.  So I use Truvia - all natural.  I stay away from Splenda, Equal, Sweet and Low, etc.

I stop eating 3 hours before bed (usually I just shoot for between 9-10pm).  That way my body doesn't slow down and hang onto the extra calories.  By eating every 3 hours, I rarely feel hungry and if I do, I know that in an hour or so I get a snack.


I drink loads of green tea throughout the day, take a fish oil supplement as well as an iron and calcium supplement (or you can opt for a multivitamin).

I shop in bulk and separate at home.  I buy frozen mixed fruit in the bag, baked chips, baked crackers, pretzels, etc and then separate them into baggies with the calories on the outside of the bag so I can grab and go.  If we are going out, I plan ahead on where we will eat and look up the calories (we eat a lot of Subway!).  Be warned - a lot of resturaunt foods are packed with sodium (even chicken breast, salads, etc).  Sodium has health risks, obviously, but it can make the scale go up due to water retention.

Healthy eating DOES NOT MEAN MORE EXPENSIVE!!!  Many people say "I would eat healthier if it wasn't so expensive".  I spend the same amount on groceries as I did before, no lie.  If I happen to spend a few extra dollars one week, I feel my life is worth it.

Now that food is taken care of - the dreaded exercise.  Actually, I enjoy going to the gym - who knew?  But..........I hate.....loathe....despise....the treadmill o' doom.  I do it because it is a big calorie burner and I have one at home but I hate it.

I go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (sometimes Saturdays) and do an hour class on each of the days.  On Fridays, I do 2 hours.  On the days I don't go to the gym, I do the treadmill o' doom for at least 30 minutes.  I typically do 3 miles, but lately I have been doing 2.5.  I have a birth defect in my knee and sometimes it does not like the high impact of the treadmill.  So I work out 6 days a week, sometimes 7.  I try to force myself to rest on Sundays but I feel blah if I don't do something.  I went from COMPLETELY sedentary - no exercise AT ALL - to exercising 6 days a week.  If I can do it, anyone can!

I am not where I want to be but I am well on my way.  50 pounds down, 12 inches off my body and I bought a size large shirt the other day.  That may not seem like a big deal but I went from a size 2 xl shirt to a large.  My daughter kept telling me to stop buying 'fat' clothes......it is a mindset.  Even buying that large shirt, I kept thinking it wouldn't fit.  My mind is still in that heavier body.  Weight loss and getting healthier is not just about food and exercise - it is a mental game. 

I tried dieting and exercising before and quit when I didn't see the results I wanted.  This time, I am determined.  I feel like I wasted most of my life in a fat suit.  I want to be healthy and not look through clothes trying to discretely see if they have my size and knowing that they won't.  I am tired of wearing frumpy clothes to try to hide my size when in reality I wasn't hiding anything.  I am tired of feeling like crap - all the time.  Something clicked inside my head and the only thing I regret is that it didn't happen sooner.

With that being said - below is a before and after picture.  I look at that now and am so proud of myself.  Proud of the hard work I have done.  I am also proud of Matt.  He has taken the journey with me.  He is down almost 30 pounds and still pushing through.

You can do it.  Believe in yourself.  It is never too late.  I will be 39 years old this year.  I have a lot more life in me.  I don't want to be a spectator in life.  I want to to slide into heaven exclaiming - "Whew!  What a ride!".

Altitude Adjustment

God sent messengers to Israel to get them on the right path.  He sends them again and again and they refuse to listen to the voices of the prophets.  God speaks to them.  And God will speak to you.  Most of the time God won’t speak audibly and this is discouraging to people.  We want some voice like James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman to boom down on us.  More often than not.....that doesn't happen.

We have 3 parts of the body – the physical, the soul, the spirit.  The deepest part is the spirit.  God wants to speak to the deepest part of you – the spirit.  We have been studying The Story.  It is a book compiled of the entire Bible but it takes the key moments, people and circumstances and condenses them into one book.  We have to realize and recognize that we fit into God's story.

2 Chronicles 36:11-16

Zedekiah was twenty-one years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eleven years. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord his God and did not humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet, who spoke the word of the Lord.  He also rebelled against King Nebuchadnezzar, who had made him take an oath in God’s name. He became stiff-necked and hardened his heart and would not turn to the Lord, the God of Israel.  Furthermore, all the leaders of the priests and the people became more and more unfaithful, following all the detestable practices of the nations and defiling the temple of the Lord, which he had consecrated in Jerusalem.  The Lord, the God of their ancestors, sent word to them through his messengers again and again, because he had pity on his people and on his dwelling place.  But they mocked God’s messengers, despised his words and scoffed at his prophets until the wrath of the Lord was aroused against his people and there was no remedy.

No remedy – what sad words.

How many remember precisely where you were on 9/11? Do you remember the chaos of the moment?  What about Katrina?  Remember the pictures, damages, horrible devastation? We remember those vividly.  We remember traumatic events.   Jeremiah was a prophet and he saw a day of judgment coming to Jerusalem.  Jeremiah was often referred to as the weeping prophet.  He cries and weeps (he also wrote the book of Lamentations and Jeremiah) for the destruction and what was about to fall on Jerusalem and Judah.  If only God's people had turned from their sins, God could have spared Jerusalem.  For them there was no remedy.

Look at v 12 – something about humility and pride.

He did evil in the eyes of the Lord his God and did not humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet, who spoke the word of the Lord

Pride tunes out the voice of God.  Pride says 'I don’t need to hear God'.  Humility turns towards the voice of God.  God is good.  God wants to bless his people. He desires it because He is a good God.  Humility tunes us into the voice of God so that we can experience God’s blessing.  He doesn’t bless us because we are special...He does it because He is good.  But if we are prideful, we can’t get into that place where we can receive God's favor.

Humility is the key to God’s guidance and favor in our lives.  So often we think we are pretty special and sometimes God has to come and pull us back down to earth.

Matt 23:12

For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

You put yourself in a place where you can receive the blessing and promise of the Lord. 

The key to obtaining blessing and favor of God is humility!  Humble yourselves before God. As you look at the scripture….Israel has already fallen in the north and we are coming to the destruction of Judah in the south. 

Some background – Zedekiah is the last king of Judah.  The northern kingdom had fallen to the Syrians.  But the southern is still intact. During Judah’s reigns of 20 kings – 6 were good, 14 were bad.  The average reign of a bad king was 12 years.  When your reign ended in Judah, no one gave you a going away party.  When you were finished, you were dead.  That is how we know your reign ended – you were assassinated, killed.  The average reign of the good kings were 38 years – it pays to be good.

2 Chronicles 36:15

The Lord, the God of their ancestors, sent word to them through his messengers again and again, because he had pity on his people and on his dwelling place.

God is gracious, God is good and He keeps reaching out again and again. God is patient and He sends prophet after prophet.  Jeremiah was sent specifically to warn Zedekiah.   When you read Jeremiah, one of his central imageries in his prophecies was water.  He talks about drinking pure water or that Judah is drinking from dirty water – symbolic of their idolatry.  This world’s water will never satisfy.

Jeremiah finally says disaster is coming because of your arrogance.  But Zedekiah won’t heed his warning.  Zedekiah is fearful of Jeremiah because of his anointing so he won’t kill Jeremiah.  So he puts him in prison.  Back then, some prisons were just a large cage in the middle of the palace.  The only trouble is, where the prison is located, Zedekiah can still hear Jeremiah calling out of destruction and judgment coming - humble and repent and Zedekiah did not want to hear it.  So he throws Jeremiah down in the dungeon so he can’t hear him.  But word keeps coming back to Zedekiah and he doesn't know what to do with Jeremiah.   You can run but the word of God will seek you out wherever you are at.

Zedekiah throws Jeremiah into a dry, empty well because he can’t take it anymore (remember Jeremiah's central imagaries for his prophecies? Water).  You may think your boss or teacher is tough.  But if you were a prophet in Judah or Israel, that is a deadly profession – you die.

v. 16

But they mocked God’s messengers, despised his words and scoffed at his prophets until the wrath of the Lord was aroused against his people and there was no remedy.

Eventually the cup of God’s wrath is filled to the tipping point and comes to a point there is no remedy. God says this is enough.  That patient God who warned them again and again he finally says that is enough!

Nebuchadnezzar and the armies come and lay siege to Jerusalem for 2 years.  They starve them out.  Ezekiel, another prophet, prophesied saying fathers would eat their children and children would eat their fathers.   This is a terribly time to live in Judah – a time of pain and destruction. 

God warns us – again and again.  Eventually there will come a time you will reap what you sow.  If in your pride you don’t listen to the voice of God and if you shut him out, there will come a time God will say there is no remedy.  If you go to work, come in late don’t do your job, eventually the boss will say you are fired.   If you use illegal drugs – you get hooked and addicted and the habit comes in and takes control and God warns you again and again…..and you become addicted and there is no remedy – reap what you sow.

God is warning us again and again and if our pride and arrogance say we don’t need you, we will suffer the consequences.  God gives us laws and the book, not for His benefit – but for ours.  Everything you will ever need is in the Bible – marriage, finances, raising kids.

We can humble ourselves and heed God’s warnings, or in our pride we can ignore them and go over the cliff.  Our nation has thumbed its nose at God – and we wonder why our families are falling apart, our schools are in trouble, our nation is debt and we have a major drug problem.  If we, in our pride, say to God we don’t need you anymore we will suffer the consequences.

Before it is too late, God has given us a remedy – for our nation, our lives, and our families.  

2 Chronicles 7:14

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

There is a remedy today.  Nebuchadnezzar comes in and destroys Jerusalem.  He takes the best and brightest to Babylon.  It is possible to live holy lives into an unholy world – look at Daniel.  Nebuchadnezzar leaves Jerusalem and leaves Zedekiah in charge.  To show how stupid Zedekiah is, he not only rebels against God but he decides to rebel against the king.  So Nebuchadnezzar comes back and he is angry. He takes Zedekiah's sons and drags them out and kills them.  Then he takes hot pokers and burns out Zedekiah's eyes.  Then he throws him in prison to live with his regrets.

Sometimes we say God where are you in all this?  Why am I going through this?  My world is falling apart.  But more often these are messes we brought on ourselves. However, God reaches out again and again and He speaks to us but our pride won’t allow us to listen.  Then God says – have it your way.  Israel and Judah are so scattered, they don’t become a nation again until 1948.  Pride says do your own thing, you are in charge.  But we end up being controlled by something else.  Something will rule over you (addiction).  So when you say you will be in charge of yourself, in reality you will be under slavery of the enemy.  Pride is something we all deal with.  How do we handle it?  

Three things--

      1. Repent of pride

How do we see pride in the world in relation to hearing the voice of god?

     A. There are those who don’t believe in God – atheists.  There are very few true atheists in the world. Most are agnostic - meaning there may or may not be a God, I don’t care.  Not gonna listen to any warnings, I am my own man. God is a crutch that I don’t need.  I am hoping you aren’t in that category.  Some of us are functional atheists – that means we believe in God, we know there is a God but we live apart from god doing our own thing.  

That’s pride – dangerous.

     B. 911 Jesus – I will call him in my time of need.  I do what I want, I am good, God I got it covered, I am in control, life is good – but as soon as a tragedy hits we get serious and pray.

     C. Those who believe in God and know what His word says but don’t obey it – we wanna still do our junk.  We know what the word says but we chose not to obey.  A dangerous place to be – prophets called it "sinning with the high hand".  
 

     D. Most fall into this – I believe in God and I love God but I am just too busy.  I got so much going on.  I am sorry I can’t pray, read the word, tune in, go to church….I am too busy.  That is pride of self-importance.  It is the ‘world needs me’ syndrome. 

How do we deal with this?  Repent and humble ourselves – saying I am wrong and God is right.

     2. Listen and Surrender

Put God’s ways ahead of yours.  Jeremiah knew that captivity was coming and even knew how long – 70 yrs. 

Jeremiah 29:10-14

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Jeremiah writes this when the people were at the very lowest and even in the midst of that, God says 'I still have plans'.  Even though Israel is scattered forever, Judah rebuilds 70 yrs. later.  Why?  Because Judah is the tribe the messiah comes from and God is going to keep his tribe intact.  And so God says 'I have plans for you'.  

If the walls of your life seem to be crumbling – God says I got some good plans for you.  Don’t give up, just stop and listen – turn to me.  I got something good for you.

James 4:6-7

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Sometimes we blame the devil but most messes are created by our own doing.  Humility simply says – you are God and I am not.

     3. Give God the credit

Humility gives God all the credit.  It isn’t about us, it is about God and His glory.  For very blessing and success goes to God. 

Jeremiah 9:23-24

This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,  justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.

Don’t be arrogant with God’s blessings.  Give Him the credit.  He is so good.  There are so many times that if we don’t humble ourselves, He will do it for us.  As soon as we start thinking we are all that – bam – we will fail just to put us in check.

Often times, my failure is my fault because of my own pride – failure to trust God.  But ALL success is God’s goodness.  

God has a plan for your life.

Psalm 20:7-8

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

 They are brought to their knees and fall,

    but we rise up and stand firm.

Incredible.  Put your trust in God – praise is about boasting in the Lord.  Humility is the key to the favor of God.  Let God readjust your altitude so you aren’t so high in your own pride.

Harsh Reality

So, at the start of this year I decided to make the change I wanted to see.  This time last year, I was at the same point.  No joke.  The new year rolled over, I was gung-ho and ready to conquer the world and take it by the horns.  And I felt I was going to do it.

Then something happened.  A shift, if you will - a shift that caused my emotions to just crumble.  I couldn't tell you the moment or the circumstance, or even the month.  It just did.  That entire last half of 2013 was a mess for me, I admit.  I was spiraling into a pretty serious depression.  People would tell me to smile or to show joy.  Honestly, I don't even know what joy is.  I see people with it, but then I often wonder if they are faking it like I have so many times before?  Being a Christian, it is embedded into our spiritual DNA to be joyful.  It is even one of the fruits of the spirit.  So, as a Christian, people don't understand why I am so sad all the time.  At first, I knew why.  There were a lot of changes happening, relationships seemed irreparable, I felt forgotten and unwanted by others actions but after a few months, I didn't have a reason to be depressed - I just was.  I couldn't shake it.  I was getting dangerously close to a point that I really didn't want me to be in but some small part of me did, in fact, want it.  Sounds crazy, right?

Good news, though, I am recovering from it - slowly.  So as this year clicked over, I looked out over the course of the next 12 months and decided that I had to make the changes. 

First change was health.  I feel like I wasted a lot of my life with unhealthy choices (not just nutrition but in general) and didn't care.  But as I have gotten older, I realized that I want to be healthy and live a long, active life.  I wasn't going to do that from the couch.  Therefore, Matt and I joined the gym.  We have been going when we can and I, for one, love it.  I am disappointed when I can't make it to the class (which one night is Weds and I have youth group).  The first day I was pretty sure I would going to need 911 called and would have to pull my cane from the closet.  I was so sore and didn't even realized I had all the muscles that were screaming - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

But, over the course of the few days we went to class, it has gotten easier.  Well, let me take that back.....it hasn't gotten easier, per say, but I can at least walk without hunching over.

Another change is I started a new job.  I really enjoy it, nothing fancy, a cashier job.  I love working with people and interacting with a variety of customers, all with their own stories that they often like to share.  I haven't had a customer service job in over 8 years.  While I was a little intimidated at first, I enjoy it.

The other change is spiritual direction.  My kids are growing older and soon will be doing their own thing.  So where does that leave me?  I teach youth currently and enjoy it but I want more.  I am going to get my passport soon.  Not because I have a destination planned, but because I want to be ready.  I want to be ready for when the Lord needs a job fulfilled and He looks across the earth to see who will be suitable....and I will hop on my tiptoes, hand waving in the air and yelling - Lord, send me!   I want to go somewhere that will wreck my world.  Missions has been something on my heart.  Not to be a missionary as in moving to another country but I do want to travel and go where the Lord needs me to go. 

So, as I think of the many things in store this year (B4B, VBS, my son's graduation and open house, my son going to college, Fear Factory, my daughter becoming a senior, work, gym, teaching youth and still being a wife/mother) I get overwhelmed and a part of me wants to just throw in the towel and go back to my mundane life.  But that is not what God wants.  He wants us to be active and move forward constantly, to always seek Him and the next step. 

I don't want to just make it into heaven.....I want to slide through the pearly gates and say "Man, whatta ride!"

Adventure Is Out There

Another year has come and gone.  The older I get, the quicker these things sneak up on me it seems.  This has been the 8th year I haven't visited a bar or drank alcohol to ring in the New Year.  I am not saying it is a bad thing but for me, it is.  This has also been the first New Year's in 6 years that we haven't spent it around a bunch of crazy teens.  While I missed that, it was nice to just do nothing, more or less. 

With that being said, it is a time to reflect on the previous year.  As is most years, it was a turbulence of emotions and events.  It was a year of self evaluations and a year of seeing where we fit into this crazy world, so to speak. 

My daughter has been thinking about becoming a missionary for the first part of her adult life once she graduates.  She wants to attend a missionary school nearby and see the world.  She has an adventurous heart.  Therefore, she has been on this kick about asking me what adventures I have been on.  In which I reply - none.  So she asks me various scenarios to see if I have done them such as skydiving, riding a camel, etc.   I quickly realized that it feels as if I have wasted my life.  Sure, I have done a few things such as swim with stingrays and swim an underground cave but that seems small in comparison to the big picture.

We watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty this evening and, again, it seems the same theme smacking me in the face.  What have you done that is worth telling?  Sadly, not much for me.

I wasted the first 30 years of my life with alcohol and drugs.  I spent time in jail, in abusive relationships, partying, getting wasted and just hating life to the point that I didn't care if I lived or died.  It is hard to believe that it has only been 8 years that I accepted Christ and turned my life around for the better.  However, it doesn't change the fact that my life has been less than adventurous. 

My daughter wants to travel and see the world.  She wants to help others and make a difference.  I applaud her for that but there is a bit of jealousy and sadness wrapped in the pride and excitement I have for her.  Jealousy because I know she will do it.  I know she will see many areas of the world that I will never.  She will have more adventure in a few years than I will ever have.  Then sadness - sadness that she will be so far away.  Sadness that we can't laugh until our sides hurt, sit and read together or go to the mall. 

Adventure is out there.  We just have to grab it.  My life isn't over yet.  With that being said, 2014 is going to be one crazy ride.  There is so much going on and so much change happening. I am a creature of habit in every sense of the word.  So, facing change head on is a scary thing but thankfully, I have Matt to go on the crazy train with me.  This coming year I have our annual youth rally to start thinking about, then Caleb graduates (gulp) and need to plan an open house, then VBS, then thinking about Caleb going to college (which terrifies me), vacations, ministry, getting healthier ..... and trying to work two jobs. 

Where does adventure play into all of this? 

I am unsure.  All I know is that, like Walter Mitty, my life is not worth a few pages in a journal.  However, even though my pages may be blank, I hold the pen.  If I want change, I will have to put the ink to the paper.

So, bring it on 2014.  As cliche as it sounds - the best is yet to come!