So Christmas is over. Thank goodness.
Don't get me wrong - I appreciate Christmas and all it stands for. I just have no Christmas joy like others do, I guess. I am not sure I ever have either. I try. We went to Beef & Boards production of "A Christmas Carol" (our 3rd time seeing it). We went to Chicago to see the lights at the zoo. We went to our church's special Christmas programs. I put a tree up, made some cookies, wrapped presents.......but I was just going through the motions.
Depressing, isn't it?
However, despite my lack of Christmas cheer, I did have a good Christmas. I feel like I have eaten more than I care to admit but it isn't the end of the world. What I eat between Christmas and New Year's is not as relevant as what I eat between New Year's and Christmas. Therefore, I partook in my share of cookies, puddings and carbs. My body is letting me know that I was naughty but that's okay.
We do have a few traditions that we continue on no matter where my kids are in life or their ages. One is that we always have cinnamon rolls Christmas morning. One year I decided not to do cinnamon rolls. and on Christmas Eve my kids were asking where they were. Once I said I decided not to make them that year, they were not happy with me. My husband took our dog out to potty and was gone longer than normal. When he returned, he had a small foil pan with a bow on it. Some older gentleman saw him outside and handed it to him with a Merry Christmas saying he was handing out goodies throughout the area. My first thought was - freak, but we put them in the fridge with no thought and not even looking to see what it was.
I had forgotten about them and when I remembered, I peeked under the foil and guess what was there? Cinnamon rolls - 4 of them! Who gives out cinnamon rolls?? My kids and I chalk it up to an angel, believe what you will. God knew how much 4 cinnamon rolls meant to my kids and our Christmas and since I foolishly neglected them, He brought them to us.
Another is that Matt always hands out the gifts. This year my kids asked why Matt always did it. I didn't really have a specific answer other than my dad always did it growing up. It was like the man of the house hands them out. It may be weird but that is the way it has always been.
Something else we have always done is the kids open first and alternate. My son would open one, then my daughter, then son, etc. I do this so that they can appreciate what they got, they can thank whomever bought it and they take a moment to not think just about what they are getting but to appreciate what everyone has gotten. Then Matt and I open ours. It slows down the moment. The morning is not just a frenzy of paper and bows but of taking our time and appreciating each moment.
Also, our kids have never believed in Santa Claus. Ever. I cannot remember a time I have ever believed in him and I just never passed it on to my kids. I just didn't want to lie to my kids for the first impressionable years of their lives. My family said I took away from the magic of Christmas and others would say I was being a Grinch. Funny.....my kids never said - "Man I wished we believed in Santa." They enjoyed the holiday and made memories.
Lastly, even though my kids didn't believe in Santa, I still waited until they were asleep and filled their stockings. They would wake up before me and find their stockings filled with candy and surprises. While they always knew it was us doing it, they never questioned us as to why we do it. It was always just something fun for them to wake to and tied them over until we opened gifts.
With that being said - we had cinnamon rolls, we patiently took turns opening the gifts as Matt passed them out and while my kids never gave credit to some fictitious, jolly dude. they woke to filled stockings.
Christmas time brings the blues for most, present author included. I miss my dad, I miss the times I used to have with family (whom I didn't see one of them this year for the holiday) and I feel like time is just passing me by while I sit idle. However, as I sat and played cards for hours with my kids.....I can't help by have a full heart.
Friday, December 26, 2014
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
The Gauntlet's Been Dropped
I often wonder if people get sick of hearing about my journey to a healthier me. Then I snap out of it and say to myself - I don't care if they are! I am proud of what I have accomplished and I have hopes to inspire others to take the steps to become the healthiest they can be!
So with that being said, I ran my first 5k on Thanksgiving. While most of you were waking to the smell of turkey cooking and pies cooling, I woke up to a bowl of oatmeal and tennis shoes.
I didn't think I would be so nervous, but I was. I had thoughts that I would do terrible. That I would get going and have to stop, walk or crawl and look a fool. Or maybe I would just throw my hands up and say 'forget this!'. Once I got there, however, all my apprehension melted away as I saw all ages, sizes and fitness levels. There was a buzz of excitement as people milled around waiting for the race to start.
Me, having never done a 5k before, just stood there like a fool. Then I thought that perhaps I should get my music all ready. I had just bought an arm band, and was ready to just zone out. Needless to say, I couldn't get the stupid thing on just right and once I did, the race started (which I wasn't even aware of until I saw the wave of people around me moving). Then my music stopped. So I ran the entire race with no music and my headphones in my hands because I had no pockets. Fantastic.
So, I had one goal and one goal only - to beat my fellow runner (no need to mention names here, he knows who he is!). I saw him ahead of me after the first 5 minutes. I kept him in my line of sight.
One mile passed and I actually felt pretty good. I thought to myself, I got this. A woman jogged up next to me. She looked fit and looked the part with her running outfit, headphones (her music was working just fine) and running shoes. She asked if she could pace herself with me and I thought - seriously? I feel like a stampeding rhino and you wanna run with me? She spoke with ease while I wheezed and puffed out a meager - "yea, sure".
As I turned a corner, I took that moment to push a little harder and soon passed he-who-shall-not-be-named. I was in the zone. When I run, I typically am unaware of nothing else other than what I am doing. This was my first time running outside. However, on the treadmill I break it down into sections - 1 mile, 2 miles, 3 miles then the .10 mile. Here, I had no idea where I was. All I kept doing was looking straight ahead and focusing on pushing through. I kept telling myself - "You got this. You can do this. You are doing this. You have done this before on the treadmill. Don't stop." That was a big one because a couple times, I just wanted to stop and walk like some others were doing. However, I knew if I did that getting back up to a good pace would be near impossible. I just had to keep trucking.
It was a good thing that I didn't have music because he-who-shall-not-be-named was behind me. I could hear him catching up and everytime I thought he was close, I would push through a little harder and get a few more feet between us. The finish line was soon in my sights and I could hear him getting closer. I pushed with everything I had (and feared falling on my face) and finished with him right behind me.
I did it! The high I felt was unreal. I just ran a 5k; I just ran 3.1 miles. I was a runner! Say what?! Seriously, I look back on this journey and never thought I would be here.
Granted, I still hate running. I don't think I will ever like it. But I like the challenge, I like the competition (even with myself) and I like the feeling of empowerment I get.
I am running another one this weekend. The gauntlet has been dropped. I have a feeling I am going to have to push even harder because someone will make it his mission to beat me this time around.
Challenge accepted.
By the way - my time was 31.24; which blew my mind. He-who-shall-not-be-named? 31.26 - that's right.....2 seconds!
So with that being said, I ran my first 5k on Thanksgiving. While most of you were waking to the smell of turkey cooking and pies cooling, I woke up to a bowl of oatmeal and tennis shoes.
I didn't think I would be so nervous, but I was. I had thoughts that I would do terrible. That I would get going and have to stop, walk or crawl and look a fool. Or maybe I would just throw my hands up and say 'forget this!'. Once I got there, however, all my apprehension melted away as I saw all ages, sizes and fitness levels. There was a buzz of excitement as people milled around waiting for the race to start.
Me, having never done a 5k before, just stood there like a fool. Then I thought that perhaps I should get my music all ready. I had just bought an arm band, and was ready to just zone out. Needless to say, I couldn't get the stupid thing on just right and once I did, the race started (which I wasn't even aware of until I saw the wave of people around me moving). Then my music stopped. So I ran the entire race with no music and my headphones in my hands because I had no pockets. Fantastic.
So, I had one goal and one goal only - to beat my fellow runner (no need to mention names here, he knows who he is!). I saw him ahead of me after the first 5 minutes. I kept him in my line of sight.
One mile passed and I actually felt pretty good. I thought to myself, I got this. A woman jogged up next to me. She looked fit and looked the part with her running outfit, headphones (her music was working just fine) and running shoes. She asked if she could pace herself with me and I thought - seriously? I feel like a stampeding rhino and you wanna run with me? She spoke with ease while I wheezed and puffed out a meager - "yea, sure".
As I turned a corner, I took that moment to push a little harder and soon passed he-who-shall-not-be-named. I was in the zone. When I run, I typically am unaware of nothing else other than what I am doing. This was my first time running outside. However, on the treadmill I break it down into sections - 1 mile, 2 miles, 3 miles then the .10 mile. Here, I had no idea where I was. All I kept doing was looking straight ahead and focusing on pushing through. I kept telling myself - "You got this. You can do this. You are doing this. You have done this before on the treadmill. Don't stop." That was a big one because a couple times, I just wanted to stop and walk like some others were doing. However, I knew if I did that getting back up to a good pace would be near impossible. I just had to keep trucking.
It was a good thing that I didn't have music because he-who-shall-not-be-named was behind me. I could hear him catching up and everytime I thought he was close, I would push through a little harder and get a few more feet between us. The finish line was soon in my sights and I could hear him getting closer. I pushed with everything I had (and feared falling on my face) and finished with him right behind me.
I did it! The high I felt was unreal. I just ran a 5k; I just ran 3.1 miles. I was a runner! Say what?! Seriously, I look back on this journey and never thought I would be here.
Granted, I still hate running. I don't think I will ever like it. But I like the challenge, I like the competition (even with myself) and I like the feeling of empowerment I get.
I am running another one this weekend. The gauntlet has been dropped. I have a feeling I am going to have to push even harder because someone will make it his mission to beat me this time around.
Challenge accepted.
By the way - my time was 31.24; which blew my mind. He-who-shall-not-be-named? 31.26 - that's right.....2 seconds!
 |
| I finished! |
 |
| We did it! |
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Running is of the Devil
I am not a runner.
I always say - if you see me running, you had better start running too because something is after me.
I hate it, loathe it, despise it!
I see people who say they love to run. How it is so invigorating and they enjoy it. How in the world do they enjoy it? My legs scream for me to stop, my side feels like it is going to explode, my face flushes, I sweat more than any human should, I gasp for air like a fish out of water - excuse me? But what part of that is "fun"?
Running is a big calorie burn. It is great for the heart, lungs and muscles. Therefore, I decided to make an effort to run several times a week. I did....even though I had to make myself do it. Every.Single.Time. But I did it.
I go to the gym a lot and do various fitness classes so for awhile I put the running to the side because I figured why do it if I didn't really HAVE to? Recently, a friend brought to my attention a couple 5Ks coming up in our town. Matt and I always said next year we were going to try our legs out on some 5Ks. But when these were shown to me, I thought - why not? So, time to get on that proverbial horse and beat the dreaded treadmill into submission.
I set a goal to do a 5K on the treadmill at least 5 times a week. It didn't matter if I walked or ran, I just needed to finish. I had tried the C25K (couch to 5K) but I figured I would just go into it full force. The first day I started, I did a steady jog at 4.5 mph. Not too bad. I stopped a couple times to get a drink (it is hard to get a drink of water when you are galloping like a horse) and to towel off. I ran it in just over 40 minutes. Not bad for a first time, in my opinion. My second day I shaved about 1.5 minutes off and did it in 38.37 minutes. I had to skip a day because I wasn't home but the third day I was determined to get under 38 and skimmed it by the hair of my teeth and ran it at 37.58.
While I know treadmill running is completely different than road running, I am well on my way to not finishing dead last. That is my primary goal - not to be dead last and to at least finish. I got this.
So if I hate running so much, why do I do it? Well, there are the health benefits, obviously. And as much as I hate it, it burns around 500 calories in a 40 minute run. It would take me over an hour to burn that on an exercise bike. There is something empowering about running too. A year ago, I couldn't even jog a half mile. I was carrying 90 extra pounds and just the thought of running made me sweat. So for me to run a straight 3 miles without stopping or feeling like I am going to die, is huge! I feel so accomplished and so proud of myself.
Afterwards, my legs are jelly, I am covered in sweat and my knees protest but as I catch my breath and rehydrate, I realize.....I am a runner.
I run. I may not be graceful. I may sound like a dying whale lying on the shore. I may look like a hot mess. I may even have to slow to a fast paced walk for a moment just to compose myself......
But I run.
I am 39 years old and I am in the best shape of my life. I still feel I have a little ways to arrive to where I want to be but I am well on my way. It is never too late. There will always be an excuse. There will always be a "will start tomorrow" mentality. Make TODAY your TOMORROW. Start small and one day you will wake up and realize you can do anything you put your mind to.
Even doing something that you hate. (haha)
I always say - if you see me running, you had better start running too because something is after me.
I hate it, loathe it, despise it!
I see people who say they love to run. How it is so invigorating and they enjoy it. How in the world do they enjoy it? My legs scream for me to stop, my side feels like it is going to explode, my face flushes, I sweat more than any human should, I gasp for air like a fish out of water - excuse me? But what part of that is "fun"?
Running is a big calorie burn. It is great for the heart, lungs and muscles. Therefore, I decided to make an effort to run several times a week. I did....even though I had to make myself do it. Every.Single.Time. But I did it.
I go to the gym a lot and do various fitness classes so for awhile I put the running to the side because I figured why do it if I didn't really HAVE to? Recently, a friend brought to my attention a couple 5Ks coming up in our town. Matt and I always said next year we were going to try our legs out on some 5Ks. But when these were shown to me, I thought - why not? So, time to get on that proverbial horse and beat the dreaded treadmill into submission.
I set a goal to do a 5K on the treadmill at least 5 times a week. It didn't matter if I walked or ran, I just needed to finish. I had tried the C25K (couch to 5K) but I figured I would just go into it full force. The first day I started, I did a steady jog at 4.5 mph. Not too bad. I stopped a couple times to get a drink (it is hard to get a drink of water when you are galloping like a horse) and to towel off. I ran it in just over 40 minutes. Not bad for a first time, in my opinion. My second day I shaved about 1.5 minutes off and did it in 38.37 minutes. I had to skip a day because I wasn't home but the third day I was determined to get under 38 and skimmed it by the hair of my teeth and ran it at 37.58.
While I know treadmill running is completely different than road running, I am well on my way to not finishing dead last. That is my primary goal - not to be dead last and to at least finish. I got this.
So if I hate running so much, why do I do it? Well, there are the health benefits, obviously. And as much as I hate it, it burns around 500 calories in a 40 minute run. It would take me over an hour to burn that on an exercise bike. There is something empowering about running too. A year ago, I couldn't even jog a half mile. I was carrying 90 extra pounds and just the thought of running made me sweat. So for me to run a straight 3 miles without stopping or feeling like I am going to die, is huge! I feel so accomplished and so proud of myself.
Afterwards, my legs are jelly, I am covered in sweat and my knees protest but as I catch my breath and rehydrate, I realize.....I am a runner.
I run. I may not be graceful. I may sound like a dying whale lying on the shore. I may look like a hot mess. I may even have to slow to a fast paced walk for a moment just to compose myself......
But I run.
I am 39 years old and I am in the best shape of my life. I still feel I have a little ways to arrive to where I want to be but I am well on my way. It is never too late. There will always be an excuse. There will always be a "will start tomorrow" mentality. Make TODAY your TOMORROW. Start small and one day you will wake up and realize you can do anything you put your mind to.
Even doing something that you hate. (haha)
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Healthy Obsession
I am an avid reader. However, the older I get it seems the less time I have to do it. But oh, there is nothing more satisfying than a good read.
My dream home would consist of a library like you see in the movies - mahogany or cherry wood, large, leather chairs, a large picture window and the walls covered in canvas art and books from floor to ceiling. Ahhhhh, it makes me smile just thinking about it.
I can thank my father for my obsession. He was an avid reader himself, able to read at an alarming speed. He could look down the middle of the page and read all the words. I can remember when my brother had read Pet Semetary by Stephen King and was telling my dad what a good book it was. The next morning my dad said - "It was a good book." He had read it in a few hours time.
My dad didn't get out much. So my mom would go to the library for him. The librarian knew us by name. If there was a book our small town library didn't have (which was often), they would have it there within a week for him. My mom had this large sports sack, the mesh kind that football players use for equipment. She would take it and skim the library shelves and fill it with 10 -12 books or until the bag seemed to bulge at the seems. They typically included autobiographies and anything new by Larry McMurtry. Once we got back home, my dad would go through and make two piles - one of the ones he was interested in and the other of the ones he was not. My mom made the trip once a week, often times more. In that week's time, my dad would have finished the books and ready for new - the library couldn't keep up with his insatiable thirst for the written word.
I have developed the same love and appreciation for books. I love the smell of them. I love the crackling sound the spine makes when I open it. I love the feel of turning a page and I never....ever dog-ear my pages! I own a Nook and my husband always offers to buy digital copies of the latest book I want and there have been times I have let him, only to realize it is not the same. I don't like it. I want to turn a page; I want to slide the bookmark in to save my place; I want to hold the book with both hands.
While I understand that technology is surpassing our knowledge it seems, I know that books may become obsolete and libraries may just be a story I tell my grandkids. I hope not, but I am a realist and know this very well could be our future.
However, I will continue to collect them and pull then from the shelf, dust the sleeve off, curl in a chair with a cup of tea and enjoy a life I will never live.
And as long as I have anything to say about it, my future generations will grow to love books as much as I. Thankfully, my daughter has developed the same adoration for the bound pages. Therefore, the generation of loving them will continue.
With that being said, I have a new book waiting to be read......
Saturday, August 16, 2014
It's not "good-bye"; it's "see ya later"....
This day came way too fast.....way too fast.
My eldest, only son, moved out of the house and into his college apartment. *sigh*
I have been an emotional wreck that I just couldn't pull myself out of. I would get up and leave the room randomly to go cry. If someone had told me that having a child was like having your heart walk around outside of your body, I am not sure I would have signed up for this gig.
It's hard. Actually, this was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. Last night I was such a mess that I began to have an anxiety attack and had to reel myself back in (with the help of medication). Finally, morning had came and we were packing up the vans and heading to Purdue.
I did fairly well today. I had these grand ideas that we would get him unpacked, moved in, we would go out to a movie, eat dinner and then I would drop him off at work with a final farewell. Yea....nice try.
He was moved in and unpacked in less than two hours and wanted lunch and me to go. So much for that idea. As short as it was....it was a good time. There was laughter, conversation and good feelings. Seeing him when his roommates arrived (buddies of his) and how they interacted put all my concerns at ease.
Leaving him with a "See ya later, text me if you need anything", I was driving home. I shed a few tears and told Cheyenne, in a dramatic flare of emotions, - "Being a mother sucks. Don't ever become one."
I am not okay but I will be. Yes, I may shed some more tears as I miss hearing him downstairs. I will sigh heavily when I just want to go downstairs and lay on his bed while he plays video games (and often fall asleep). The cat came up the stairs this evening, causing them to creak and for a brief moment, I thought it was Caleb. It's hard but we are creatures that adapt quickly. While I will miss him, I am excited for this adventure.
That is what we do, right? We have them, raise them and send them off. They are never truly OURS. God just loans them to us. We are to nurture, raise them, teach them, protect them, guide them....then trust in Him and send them into the world with a good moral compass. God is the one that created them, molded them in our wombs and has a purpose for them. We are here to unveil that purpose and help them discover it.
But danggit - it's hard!
However, as I sit here, I think to myself......if this is hard for me how much harder was it for God to let His Son go? How much harder was it for him to give His son to a hand picked mother, for her to raise him, nurture him, protect him, guide him and raise him only to let Him go and fulfill his purpose? I could not even begin to imagine.
I am scared to death, I admit. I have done everything for my son. Even when he moved in, I had him all set up with everything he needed to start out, including food. His other roommates came with some Ramen Noodles and coffee. I feel like I over achieved but I want him to succeed. I want him to flourish. When he was showing his roommates his dishes, his toaster oven, his Kierig and his groceries....he did so with pride.
I want nothing but the best for him but am afraid I did not teach him to live on his own. I never even taught him to use a dishwasher or a washing machine. I have never showed him how to make a bed or how to manage his time. My kids have no chores. I just tell them to clean their rooms and bathrooms from time to time. My husband always got on me about not giving them responsibility. It isn't that I didn't want them to have any responsibility....I just wanted them to be kids as long as possible. The majority of their lives will be consumed with working, paying bills, raising a family and being an adult. It is okay if the first part is just enjoying life for a little bit.
I wish I had cherished time more. Perhaps played an extra game of basketball outside, watched a few more movies, took more interest in COD, played board games more often, not yelled so much.....instead of letting him be a hermit, I wish I would have invaded his room more. While all those thoughts dance in my head, I think to myself that I may have missed those opportunities but I still have plenty more ahead of me.
So, he can get mad at my texts, he can roll his eyes at my Facebook posts, he can get irritated at my weekly visits.......but I know that he needs them just as much as I do.
I am such a lucky mom. I was thinking that the other day. I was talking with my husband about how hard this was and said, "Why can't our kids hate us like normal teenagers? It would be easier then." In which he replied, "Yea, we have some pretty good kids."
And we do. I am so utterly proud of both of my kids. I was such a crappy mom for the first 10 years of my son's life and first 8 of my daughter's. When I think of how despicable I truly was, it makes my heart hurt. I was horrible. However, when I found God and turned my life around, I became a better parent. My kids are my friends (but I am a parent first) and I wouldn't want it any other way.
So, I made it through.....I came out on the other side. There will be tough days ahead, I am sure. But I can do this.
At least for a year....until my daughter moves out and I am an empty nester. That will open a whole new can of worms. BUT - I will not dwell on that. I will enjoy this time I do have with her still at home.
With that being said.......
Boiler up!
Hammer down!
My eldest, only son, moved out of the house and into his college apartment. *sigh*
I have been an emotional wreck that I just couldn't pull myself out of. I would get up and leave the room randomly to go cry. If someone had told me that having a child was like having your heart walk around outside of your body, I am not sure I would have signed up for this gig.
It's hard. Actually, this was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. Last night I was such a mess that I began to have an anxiety attack and had to reel myself back in (with the help of medication). Finally, morning had came and we were packing up the vans and heading to Purdue.
I did fairly well today. I had these grand ideas that we would get him unpacked, moved in, we would go out to a movie, eat dinner and then I would drop him off at work with a final farewell. Yea....nice try.
He was moved in and unpacked in less than two hours and wanted lunch and me to go. So much for that idea. As short as it was....it was a good time. There was laughter, conversation and good feelings. Seeing him when his roommates arrived (buddies of his) and how they interacted put all my concerns at ease.
Leaving him with a "See ya later, text me if you need anything", I was driving home. I shed a few tears and told Cheyenne, in a dramatic flare of emotions, - "Being a mother sucks. Don't ever become one."
I am not okay but I will be. Yes, I may shed some more tears as I miss hearing him downstairs. I will sigh heavily when I just want to go downstairs and lay on his bed while he plays video games (and often fall asleep). The cat came up the stairs this evening, causing them to creak and for a brief moment, I thought it was Caleb. It's hard but we are creatures that adapt quickly. While I will miss him, I am excited for this adventure.
That is what we do, right? We have them, raise them and send them off. They are never truly OURS. God just loans them to us. We are to nurture, raise them, teach them, protect them, guide them....then trust in Him and send them into the world with a good moral compass. God is the one that created them, molded them in our wombs and has a purpose for them. We are here to unveil that purpose and help them discover it.
But danggit - it's hard!
However, as I sit here, I think to myself......if this is hard for me how much harder was it for God to let His Son go? How much harder was it for him to give His son to a hand picked mother, for her to raise him, nurture him, protect him, guide him and raise him only to let Him go and fulfill his purpose? I could not even begin to imagine.
I am scared to death, I admit. I have done everything for my son. Even when he moved in, I had him all set up with everything he needed to start out, including food. His other roommates came with some Ramen Noodles and coffee. I feel like I over achieved but I want him to succeed. I want him to flourish. When he was showing his roommates his dishes, his toaster oven, his Kierig and his groceries....he did so with pride.
I want nothing but the best for him but am afraid I did not teach him to live on his own. I never even taught him to use a dishwasher or a washing machine. I have never showed him how to make a bed or how to manage his time. My kids have no chores. I just tell them to clean their rooms and bathrooms from time to time. My husband always got on me about not giving them responsibility. It isn't that I didn't want them to have any responsibility....I just wanted them to be kids as long as possible. The majority of their lives will be consumed with working, paying bills, raising a family and being an adult. It is okay if the first part is just enjoying life for a little bit.
I wish I had cherished time more. Perhaps played an extra game of basketball outside, watched a few more movies, took more interest in COD, played board games more often, not yelled so much.....instead of letting him be a hermit, I wish I would have invaded his room more. While all those thoughts dance in my head, I think to myself that I may have missed those opportunities but I still have plenty more ahead of me.
So, he can get mad at my texts, he can roll his eyes at my Facebook posts, he can get irritated at my weekly visits.......but I know that he needs them just as much as I do.
I am such a lucky mom. I was thinking that the other day. I was talking with my husband about how hard this was and said, "Why can't our kids hate us like normal teenagers? It would be easier then." In which he replied, "Yea, we have some pretty good kids."
And we do. I am so utterly proud of both of my kids. I was such a crappy mom for the first 10 years of my son's life and first 8 of my daughter's. When I think of how despicable I truly was, it makes my heart hurt. I was horrible. However, when I found God and turned my life around, I became a better parent. My kids are my friends (but I am a parent first) and I wouldn't want it any other way.
So, I made it through.....I came out on the other side. There will be tough days ahead, I am sure. But I can do this.
At least for a year....until my daughter moves out and I am an empty nester. That will open a whole new can of worms. BUT - I will not dwell on that. I will enjoy this time I do have with her still at home.
With that being said.......
Boiler up!
Hammer down!
 |
| All packed and ready to roll |
 |
| I survived..... |
 |
| Coca Cola cans waiting in the fridge... "mom" and "go getter" |
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Wa-hoo! VBS '14 a Success!
This past week has been a much anticipated event! It was our annual Vacation Bible School.
This was our 8th VBS and they just keep getting better and better. This year was Avalanche Ranch. The church was transformed into a ranch of amazing proportions that truly reflected the love of God.
We learned about how GOD IS REAL (story of Rahab), GOD IS WITH US (the crossing of the Jordan River on dry land), GOD IS STRONG (the falling of the walls of Jericho), GOD IS AWESOME (the death and resurrection) and GOD IS IN CHARGE (Naaman dipping in the Jordan River 7 times to be healed of leprosy). We met our Bible Memory Buddies Buc, Shadow, Ranger, Skye and Boss. We also watched the crazy antics of our pal, Chadder the chipmunk.
It takes a long to to prepare for VBS. I have already started on next year's theme and already ordered some supplies offline. Once the first of the year rolls around, I will be spending hours learning music, building props, painting, planning and thinking of new ideas to implement. 100's of hours go into VBS and that is no exaggeration.
Why put all that energy into it?
Seeing the crew leaders connect with the kids, that's why.
Seeing the kids love on their crew leaders, that's why.
To hear a little girl say "this was the best day ever", that's why.
To have kids hug you and say "we don't want this to ever end", that's why.
To see kids with their heads bowed, asking Jesus to be their 'forever friend', that's why.
To see a little girl reach up and grab a leader's pinky as they walk to their next station, that's why.
Seeing lives changed, that's why.
These kids get it. They are little but they understand. They melt my heart.
Therefore, if you volunteered, donated, prayed or just offered encouraging words....THANK YOU. Your actions are not taken for granted. I appreciate each one of you. You give me the strength to keep going when I want to just scream because I feel so overwhelmed. Again, thank you.
Now....to take a breath......relax for a bit......or until I get the kit for next year. I can't help myself but to review and plan when I should be taking a break. It is all just too exciting.
Until next year......
This was our 8th VBS and they just keep getting better and better. This year was Avalanche Ranch. The church was transformed into a ranch of amazing proportions that truly reflected the love of God.
We learned about how GOD IS REAL (story of Rahab), GOD IS WITH US (the crossing of the Jordan River on dry land), GOD IS STRONG (the falling of the walls of Jericho), GOD IS AWESOME (the death and resurrection) and GOD IS IN CHARGE (Naaman dipping in the Jordan River 7 times to be healed of leprosy). We met our Bible Memory Buddies Buc, Shadow, Ranger, Skye and Boss. We also watched the crazy antics of our pal, Chadder the chipmunk.
It takes a long to to prepare for VBS. I have already started on next year's theme and already ordered some supplies offline. Once the first of the year rolls around, I will be spending hours learning music, building props, painting, planning and thinking of new ideas to implement. 100's of hours go into VBS and that is no exaggeration.
Why put all that energy into it?
Seeing the crew leaders connect with the kids, that's why.
Seeing the kids love on their crew leaders, that's why.
To hear a little girl say "this was the best day ever", that's why.
To have kids hug you and say "we don't want this to ever end", that's why.
To see kids with their heads bowed, asking Jesus to be their 'forever friend', that's why.
To see a little girl reach up and grab a leader's pinky as they walk to their next station, that's why.
Seeing lives changed, that's why.
These kids get it. They are little but they understand. They melt my heart.
Therefore, if you volunteered, donated, prayed or just offered encouraging words....THANK YOU. Your actions are not taken for granted. I appreciate each one of you. You give me the strength to keep going when I want to just scream because I feel so overwhelmed. Again, thank you.
Now....to take a breath......relax for a bit......or until I get the kit for next year. I can't help myself but to review and plan when I should be taking a break. It is all just too exciting.
Until next year......
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| Sing and Play Stampede |
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| Snacks, red team crew leader with his pal |
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| Blue team crew leader and her buddy |
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| Clementine dancing with the kids |
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| Hearing the story of the wall of Jericho from Joshua himself |
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| Coloring break in snacks |
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| Horseplay Games |
Monday, July 7, 2014
My Passion
Last night I was a guest speaker at a camp with some amazing middle schoolers and their leaders. I haven't spoken anywhere other than my own church in awhile and I miss it.
That is my passion. If I could just quit everything and travel the world, sharing the love of Jesus with this generation, I could die happy and fulfilled. The young people of today feel like they aren't being heard or that no one cares and often times, it is true. They don't have anyone that treats them like they are anything more than a burden. A lot (keep in mind I am not saying all) of society wants to push them into a corner and forget about them until they are old enough to contribute.
Even the church often uses the phrase "they are the church of tomorrow". False! They ARE the church! These young people are so full of potential. They have the same spirit dwelling inside of them that we have in us. God is no respecter of persons. He can use a 9 year old just as much as he can use a 40 year old. It is a matter of willingness and the state of the heart.
Youth are so hungry. They are seeking whatever it takes to fill the emptiness that drills deep inside of them, whether it be drugs, sex, alcohol, self mutilation or sexual identity crisis. They are wanting so desperately to feel something, anything that they don't realize that what they have been longing for all along was the love of a heavenly Father.
If we don't show them that they are valued, loved and have purpose....society will give them a reason to believe that they aren't. When I speak, whether at my own church or at someone else's, I see the same pain and hurt buried deep inside. When God gives me a message to deliver, it is so amazing to see freedom hover over the young people and a sense of hope replace the hurt in their eyes. THAT is what makes it all worth it.
Give them a chance.....give them a ear when they want to talk....give them a shoulder when they want to cry.....give them hope when they feel hopeless.
That is what being Christ like is all about.
That is my passion. If I could just quit everything and travel the world, sharing the love of Jesus with this generation, I could die happy and fulfilled. The young people of today feel like they aren't being heard or that no one cares and often times, it is true. They don't have anyone that treats them like they are anything more than a burden. A lot (keep in mind I am not saying all) of society wants to push them into a corner and forget about them until they are old enough to contribute.
Even the church often uses the phrase "they are the church of tomorrow". False! They ARE the church! These young people are so full of potential. They have the same spirit dwelling inside of them that we have in us. God is no respecter of persons. He can use a 9 year old just as much as he can use a 40 year old. It is a matter of willingness and the state of the heart.
Youth are so hungry. They are seeking whatever it takes to fill the emptiness that drills deep inside of them, whether it be drugs, sex, alcohol, self mutilation or sexual identity crisis. They are wanting so desperately to feel something, anything that they don't realize that what they have been longing for all along was the love of a heavenly Father.
If we don't show them that they are valued, loved and have purpose....society will give them a reason to believe that they aren't. When I speak, whether at my own church or at someone else's, I see the same pain and hurt buried deep inside. When God gives me a message to deliver, it is so amazing to see freedom hover over the young people and a sense of hope replace the hurt in their eyes. THAT is what makes it all worth it.
Give them a chance.....give them a ear when they want to talk....give them a shoulder when they want to cry.....give them hope when they feel hopeless.
That is what being Christ like is all about.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
To the men in my life......
It is late.....that is when my mind ponders and refuses to shut down like a normal person's would.
With that being said, it is also Father's Day. Therefore, I wanted to blog about the inspirational father figures in my life.
First, my actual dad. He has been gone 21 years. It seems like a lifetime and yet seems like just yesterday. While he and I never really saw eye to eye, I respect him more now than before. It has to do with the maturity level, I am sure. I wish I had known him as an adult, and I wish I had listened to his nuggets of wisdom more. He was an intelligent man and my insatiable love for books comes from him. He was soft spoken and didn't talk just to hear himself speak. He rarely raised his voice and was a hard worker. He is daily missed but I thank God for giving me pieces of him in my son. There have been times that Caleb has taken my breath away by his posture or what he says and my dad comes through. Happy Father's Day, Dad....see you again soon.
Next, my heavenly Father. Corny? Perhaps. However, my life has been completely changed and turned upside down since 2008. No one could ever convince me there is not a God. Even though He doesn't have to, He proves Himself time and time again. There are some days I think to myself how I ever survived without the knowledge of God and His presence in my life. My life has never been the same.
Matt.....he may not be my father but he is a father in my life. We were both young when we got married and he took on, not only me, but my 2 year old son as well. He has always worked hard to provide for us. He will do anything within his power to put a smile on our faces. He has a tender heart and even though he gets on my nerves most days, I know he genuinely loves me and the kids. I couldn't ask for a better dad for them. It takes a special man to take on another woman's child and treat him like his own. My son looks up to Matt and loves him without fail.
Lastly, my brother, Tracy. When my dad passed away, he stepped up. He handled things in a mature way. For only being 27 at the time, he took the situation under his wing. I never once saw him cry even though I knew the death of our dad was tearing him up inside. He stayed strong, not because he wanted to be macho but because he didn't have a choice. Everyone around him was falling apart. He stood strong. He has remained that way from then to now. I know if I ever need anything, he will be there. If I ever need help, he will come. If I ever need to vent, he will listen. He and I never argue or fight, we have the same gentle spirit and we see eye to eye on a lot of things. We can talk for hours and laugh at stupid stuff. He may not be my dad....but he is a pretty close second.
So with that being said, Happy Father's Day !!! Kick your feet up, turn on the t.v. and just enjoy the day...and know that you are loved and appreciated!
With that being said, it is also Father's Day. Therefore, I wanted to blog about the inspirational father figures in my life.
First, my actual dad. He has been gone 21 years. It seems like a lifetime and yet seems like just yesterday. While he and I never really saw eye to eye, I respect him more now than before. It has to do with the maturity level, I am sure. I wish I had known him as an adult, and I wish I had listened to his nuggets of wisdom more. He was an intelligent man and my insatiable love for books comes from him. He was soft spoken and didn't talk just to hear himself speak. He rarely raised his voice and was a hard worker. He is daily missed but I thank God for giving me pieces of him in my son. There have been times that Caleb has taken my breath away by his posture or what he says and my dad comes through. Happy Father's Day, Dad....see you again soon.
Next, my heavenly Father. Corny? Perhaps. However, my life has been completely changed and turned upside down since 2008. No one could ever convince me there is not a God. Even though He doesn't have to, He proves Himself time and time again. There are some days I think to myself how I ever survived without the knowledge of God and His presence in my life. My life has never been the same.
Matt.....he may not be my father but he is a father in my life. We were both young when we got married and he took on, not only me, but my 2 year old son as well. He has always worked hard to provide for us. He will do anything within his power to put a smile on our faces. He has a tender heart and even though he gets on my nerves most days, I know he genuinely loves me and the kids. I couldn't ask for a better dad for them. It takes a special man to take on another woman's child and treat him like his own. My son looks up to Matt and loves him without fail.
Lastly, my brother, Tracy. When my dad passed away, he stepped up. He handled things in a mature way. For only being 27 at the time, he took the situation under his wing. I never once saw him cry even though I knew the death of our dad was tearing him up inside. He stayed strong, not because he wanted to be macho but because he didn't have a choice. Everyone around him was falling apart. He stood strong. He has remained that way from then to now. I know if I ever need anything, he will be there. If I ever need help, he will come. If I ever need to vent, he will listen. He and I never argue or fight, we have the same gentle spirit and we see eye to eye on a lot of things. We can talk for hours and laugh at stupid stuff. He may not be my dad....but he is a pretty close second.
So with that being said, Happy Father's Day !!! Kick your feet up, turn on the t.v. and just enjoy the day...and know that you are loved and appreciated!
Sunday, June 8, 2014
The day has come
Today was a day that was I was both looking forward to and dreading.
My first child's graduation.
I admit. It has been hard to transition. There are so many things that I dwell on and it is all happening so FAST.
Ok .... here is where I posted a paragraph reflecting on what I am going to miss when he leaves in a couple months. I deleted it. I refuse to reflect on what I am going to miss and focus on the good. Besides, tears this late at night do nothing more than give me a headache and a stuffed up nose.
He graduated! I have a kid that is a college freshman. That blows my mind! He is moving into an apartment with some buddies in August and while the transition will be hard on my heart - and I apologize for those that are in my life and have to deal with my depression (I promise it will be short, just give me a moment) - I know he is going to be successful.
I was just telling Matt that I sometimes think how amazing my kids truly are. They are really good kids. They are smart, funny, good temperaments (for the most part, haha), well rounded and thinkers. Considering that the first 10/8 years of their lives was a mess, I am truly grateful for the way they have matured and grown.
While I will miss him terribly, I know that good things are in store for him. It is taking everything in me to not blog about what I will miss. However, it is late and I don't want to cry at the moment. Lord knows I have done enough of that here lately.
There are some days that I am excited for the future. I am excited to see where he ends up, how he succeeds, who he marries and what my grandchildren will look like. I am excited to do some things I have wanted to do but held back to ensure he succeeded. Then there are days where it feels like I cannot bear the ache that permeates my soul. It is an ache of mourning, as odd as that sounds.
I know I will miss him but that isn't the only reason I feel the way I do. I do not like change. At all. And in the next two years, everything is being turned upside down. I am going to go from being a mother and having my kids as my best friends to being a mother - alone. I know, I know....they are not far. They are always my kids. I still have Matt. They will come home from time to time...yadda yadda. I have heard it all. It doesn't change the fact that I will miss them. And telling me that "all parents go through this" doesn't help either. I know that they do. But I haven't and this is all new to me.
So, while I am utterly thrilled with the path Caleb is taking (going to Purdue in the fall), I will miss him terribly. So those that are in my circle, just bear with me. Don't offer words of encouragement. Don't hug me and say it will be alright. The best thing you can do....is just let me be.
With that said, congratulations Caleb! I am so very, VERY proud of you! I love you more than words can express and wish you nothing but the best.
Always remember.....
I am your biggest fan.
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My first child's graduation.
I admit. It has been hard to transition. There are so many things that I dwell on and it is all happening so FAST.
Ok .... here is where I posted a paragraph reflecting on what I am going to miss when he leaves in a couple months. I deleted it. I refuse to reflect on what I am going to miss and focus on the good. Besides, tears this late at night do nothing more than give me a headache and a stuffed up nose.
He graduated! I have a kid that is a college freshman. That blows my mind! He is moving into an apartment with some buddies in August and while the transition will be hard on my heart - and I apologize for those that are in my life and have to deal with my depression (I promise it will be short, just give me a moment) - I know he is going to be successful.
I was just telling Matt that I sometimes think how amazing my kids truly are. They are really good kids. They are smart, funny, good temperaments (for the most part, haha), well rounded and thinkers. Considering that the first 10/8 years of their lives was a mess, I am truly grateful for the way they have matured and grown.
While I will miss him terribly, I know that good things are in store for him. It is taking everything in me to not blog about what I will miss. However, it is late and I don't want to cry at the moment. Lord knows I have done enough of that here lately.
There are some days that I am excited for the future. I am excited to see where he ends up, how he succeeds, who he marries and what my grandchildren will look like. I am excited to do some things I have wanted to do but held back to ensure he succeeded. Then there are days where it feels like I cannot bear the ache that permeates my soul. It is an ache of mourning, as odd as that sounds.
I know I will miss him but that isn't the only reason I feel the way I do. I do not like change. At all. And in the next two years, everything is being turned upside down. I am going to go from being a mother and having my kids as my best friends to being a mother - alone. I know, I know....they are not far. They are always my kids. I still have Matt. They will come home from time to time...yadda yadda. I have heard it all. It doesn't change the fact that I will miss them. And telling me that "all parents go through this" doesn't help either. I know that they do. But I haven't and this is all new to me.
So, while I am utterly thrilled with the path Caleb is taking (going to Purdue in the fall), I will miss him terribly. So those that are in my circle, just bear with me. Don't offer words of encouragement. Don't hug me and say it will be alright. The best thing you can do....is just let me be.
With that said, congratulations Caleb! I am so very, VERY proud of you! I love you more than words can express and wish you nothing but the best.
Always remember.....
I am your biggest fan.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Happy Birthday, Baby...
So another year has rolled around. Today is my daughter's birthday. She is 17 years old.
Say what?! How, on God's green earth, am I old enough to have a 17 year old and an almost 19 year old? Is this real life??
T'is true. Almost to the hour, 17 years ago my daughter was born. She was born via scheduled C-section. Going into it, I figured it would be a piece of cake. My son's was. Boy was I wrong. I was miserable, sick, in and out of consciousness and didn't even get to hold her until about 12 hours after she was born. Little did I know then that was a foreshadowing of her personality.
She was 9 pounds 7 ounces of perfection. She had so much hair that I could put it into a bow and brush it. Her little round face was all squishy and kissable. Ugh, I can't stand it now that I think about it.
She was a cute toddler too. She had such a sweet, tiny voice and when she got excited she would hop up and down and her voice would go an octave only dogs could hear. She had a speech impediment that was a form of verbal dyslexia. She would switch letters in words around or omit them all together. For example, she would say an "r" instead of a "b". When she said the world "like", she omitted the "l" entirely. We would affectionately call it "Chey-nese". No one could understand her except us and even then there were times I had to ask her brother what she was saying. I can remember her getting so frustrated with us. It wasn't until she started school and took 3 years of therapy before she could speak properly and even today there are times she stumbles over her words.
She loved her pacifier......dear Lord, we made many midnight trips to Walmart or the drug store because a screaming toddler couldn't find her "nuk". She had it until she was almost 4 years old. She would talk to me and I remember saying - "Cheyenne, take the nuk out." She would and then say what she needed to before popping it back into her mouth.
She loved playing in the dryer, loved Blue's Clues, loved Teletubbies (LaLa - which she called Ya-Ya, was her fave), loved to play hide-and-seek, love to dance and sing.
I miss that.
She has grown into an amazing young woman. She is smart and witty, still loves to dance and sing and has a heart of gold. Does she have attitude? Dear Lord she has enough to span the globe, but that is what can be expected from a teenage girl. (haha).
Going into her senior year this fall, she has felt a calling to become a missionary. She plans to go to a missionary school before being placed in the field. This freaks me out a little bit. Granted, I want her to do amazing things and have amazing adventures....and of course do what God lays on her heart......but going to college is one thing. I am dealing with that currently with my son and trying to get a handle on my emotions. However, to go to another country?! That's prosperous! I can't jump and get her when she cries because she is homesick, I can't rush to her when she has something coming against her and I can't sit and watch a movie with her wrapped up in blankets. Skype will be my friend. It will be hard and it freaks me out but I have to be strong and encouraging.
She has so much to offer the world. She is not afraid to be her own person. She colors her hair extreme colors (it is currently teal), wears clothes that make me question her sanity and dances like no one is watching. She has a heart for all animals and if I let her, I am pretty sure I would own every stray animal we see. She loves photography and old typewriters. She loves Disney and isn't afraid to show it. She would rather watch cartoons than anything else. She gets excited over the small things and isn't afraid to make plans with her momma.
Now that I think about it, we could learn a lot from her.....
It has been a rough 17 years. I was 21 and had a baby and a toddler and no clue what I was doing. I was getting out of one marriage and into another. I was heavily into drugs and alcohol the first 8 years of her life. If it wasn't for her, it would have taken me a lot longer to find Christ....if at all. Life wasn't easy, I was young......but I did the best I could and I think that is pretty dang good. I have two amazing kids - one going to Purdue this fall and one wanting to become a missionary. I never worry about where they are and they aren't afraid to come hang out with me.
I am going to miss them. Terribly.
Enough of that! Today is a day of celebration!!!! So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHEYENNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today we shall eat cake and go to the mall!!!
My prayer for you is that you follow your heart, seek after God and live a life with no regrets. Enjoy the moment and never lose that child-like innocence. Love with your whole heart and only give it away to the one you know that God has given you. Be strong and courageous and know that I am your number 1 fan.
Love you!
Say what?! How, on God's green earth, am I old enough to have a 17 year old and an almost 19 year old? Is this real life??
T'is true. Almost to the hour, 17 years ago my daughter was born. She was born via scheduled C-section. Going into it, I figured it would be a piece of cake. My son's was. Boy was I wrong. I was miserable, sick, in and out of consciousness and didn't even get to hold her until about 12 hours after she was born. Little did I know then that was a foreshadowing of her personality.
She was 9 pounds 7 ounces of perfection. She had so much hair that I could put it into a bow and brush it. Her little round face was all squishy and kissable. Ugh, I can't stand it now that I think about it.
She was a cute toddler too. She had such a sweet, tiny voice and when she got excited she would hop up and down and her voice would go an octave only dogs could hear. She had a speech impediment that was a form of verbal dyslexia. She would switch letters in words around or omit them all together. For example, she would say an "r" instead of a "b". When she said the world "like", she omitted the "l" entirely. We would affectionately call it "Chey-nese". No one could understand her except us and even then there were times I had to ask her brother what she was saying. I can remember her getting so frustrated with us. It wasn't until she started school and took 3 years of therapy before she could speak properly and even today there are times she stumbles over her words.
She loved her pacifier......dear Lord, we made many midnight trips to Walmart or the drug store because a screaming toddler couldn't find her "nuk". She had it until she was almost 4 years old. She would talk to me and I remember saying - "Cheyenne, take the nuk out." She would and then say what she needed to before popping it back into her mouth.
She loved playing in the dryer, loved Blue's Clues, loved Teletubbies (LaLa - which she called Ya-Ya, was her fave), loved to play hide-and-seek, love to dance and sing.
I miss that.
She has grown into an amazing young woman. She is smart and witty, still loves to dance and sing and has a heart of gold. Does she have attitude? Dear Lord she has enough to span the globe, but that is what can be expected from a teenage girl. (haha).
Going into her senior year this fall, she has felt a calling to become a missionary. She plans to go to a missionary school before being placed in the field. This freaks me out a little bit. Granted, I want her to do amazing things and have amazing adventures....and of course do what God lays on her heart......but going to college is one thing. I am dealing with that currently with my son and trying to get a handle on my emotions. However, to go to another country?! That's prosperous! I can't jump and get her when she cries because she is homesick, I can't rush to her when she has something coming against her and I can't sit and watch a movie with her wrapped up in blankets. Skype will be my friend. It will be hard and it freaks me out but I have to be strong and encouraging.
She has so much to offer the world. She is not afraid to be her own person. She colors her hair extreme colors (it is currently teal), wears clothes that make me question her sanity and dances like no one is watching. She has a heart for all animals and if I let her, I am pretty sure I would own every stray animal we see. She loves photography and old typewriters. She loves Disney and isn't afraid to show it. She would rather watch cartoons than anything else. She gets excited over the small things and isn't afraid to make plans with her momma.
Now that I think about it, we could learn a lot from her.....
It has been a rough 17 years. I was 21 and had a baby and a toddler and no clue what I was doing. I was getting out of one marriage and into another. I was heavily into drugs and alcohol the first 8 years of her life. If it wasn't for her, it would have taken me a lot longer to find Christ....if at all. Life wasn't easy, I was young......but I did the best I could and I think that is pretty dang good. I have two amazing kids - one going to Purdue this fall and one wanting to become a missionary. I never worry about where they are and they aren't afraid to come hang out with me.
I am going to miss them. Terribly.
Enough of that! Today is a day of celebration!!!! So HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHEYENNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today we shall eat cake and go to the mall!!!
My prayer for you is that you follow your heart, seek after God and live a life with no regrets. Enjoy the moment and never lose that child-like innocence. Love with your whole heart and only give it away to the one you know that God has given you. Be strong and courageous and know that I am your number 1 fan.
Love you!
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| 3rd bday |
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| getting baptized, 8 yrs old |
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| silly monkey, 1 year old |
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| camping, 5 yrs old |
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| in her favorite place with her favorite things, 2 yrs old |
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| 1 day old |
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| buddies |
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Practice What You Preach
Another year is flying by.
Yesterday was our 5th year of Built for Battle - our annual youth rally. I am sore, tired and feel blah but it was so worth it.
This year's theme was "Armed & Dangerous". The whole concept this year was to empower the young people of this generation. We wanted to awaken something inside of them and show them that regardless of their circumstance, they were created with a purpose.
Every year we have a youth/young adult speaker. We feel it is vital for those attending to see a peer and hear them speak about what God has laid on their hearts. This year, Antonio Porras volunteered. For being such a quiet young man, he definitely did a fantastic job! His sermon involved live fish (which may or may not have been alive at the end of the night.....) and his point was made in a way that I am betting no one will soon forget.
Mike Feagans was another speaker who spoke on having faith the size of a mustard seed and being "all in". He was very interactive and required participation - you could tell he is a teacher by trade.
Music this year was done by Alias and friends, a hip hop artist out of Michigan. We have been blessed by our entertainers year after year. In choosing them, I take it to prayer and God always delivers. Alias was no exception. He was a fantastic individual, loved performing, loved interacting with the crowd and an all around great guy. Check him out on Facebook and give him some love.
Once Ascended took the stage again. They have performed several times for us and a great group. While we were anticipating a more upbeat set, their hearts were in their worship and they did great.
Matt and I closed it out. I spoke on Gideon and our tokens this year were small glass jars with a light inside. While I had this elaborate stage design planned, unfortunately I had to scrap the idea due to lack of space once equipment was was set up. I'm not going to lie - I was disappointed.....but the message was still delivered and went forth.
Matt closed out the night with a story that brought the point home and an altar call. The most anticipated part of the event.
Not to mention - concessions, loads of give - aways, dinner, photo booth, J-Walkers Drama Group and merchandise. I wish I could thank everyone who volunteered or donated but I am afraid I will miss someone. Therefore, I hope everyone knows how truly grateful I am for your help, encouragement and support!
Now the moment of truth......
This year was a rough one. I had so many things come against me, I was feeling out of sorts and just not with it. I tossed around the idea of making this year the last. *gasp* I know..... It is hard and a lot of work and things got the best of me. No matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I sought God...I still felt defeated. I felt like a hypocrite. I was pumping everyone up on being built for battle and created for war and I, myself, felt like I had lost the fight.
Typically, before B4B is even over, I have the tagline for next year. The event is called Built for Battle but each year there is a tagline - this year's was "Armed & Dangerous". I have noticed, over the years, the taglines have almost created a story. God's cool like that! But this year - I didn't have one. I always like to blog about the event while it is fresh. Therefore, I try to the following day (which is today). It has been a tradition that I announce the tagline for next year but I didn't have one. So I thought - maybe this *is* it!?
So, while I sat in the sanctuary today as Pastor Mark gave his sermon....my mind began to wander (sorry, Pastor!). As it did, I was thinking - "Ok, God.....you gotta give me something. What do you want me to do? Hang up the shield or continue on? If you want me to continue on......" that is as far as I got and the words came as clear as water.
God is good.
So....without further ado......
*drum roll*
Yesterday was our 5th year of Built for Battle - our annual youth rally. I am sore, tired and feel blah but it was so worth it.
This year's theme was "Armed & Dangerous". The whole concept this year was to empower the young people of this generation. We wanted to awaken something inside of them and show them that regardless of their circumstance, they were created with a purpose.
Every year we have a youth/young adult speaker. We feel it is vital for those attending to see a peer and hear them speak about what God has laid on their hearts. This year, Antonio Porras volunteered. For being such a quiet young man, he definitely did a fantastic job! His sermon involved live fish (which may or may not have been alive at the end of the night.....) and his point was made in a way that I am betting no one will soon forget.
Mike Feagans was another speaker who spoke on having faith the size of a mustard seed and being "all in". He was very interactive and required participation - you could tell he is a teacher by trade.
Music this year was done by Alias and friends, a hip hop artist out of Michigan. We have been blessed by our entertainers year after year. In choosing them, I take it to prayer and God always delivers. Alias was no exception. He was a fantastic individual, loved performing, loved interacting with the crowd and an all around great guy. Check him out on Facebook and give him some love.
Once Ascended took the stage again. They have performed several times for us and a great group. While we were anticipating a more upbeat set, their hearts were in their worship and they did great.
Matt and I closed it out. I spoke on Gideon and our tokens this year were small glass jars with a light inside. While I had this elaborate stage design planned, unfortunately I had to scrap the idea due to lack of space once equipment was was set up. I'm not going to lie - I was disappointed.....but the message was still delivered and went forth.
Matt closed out the night with a story that brought the point home and an altar call. The most anticipated part of the event.
Not to mention - concessions, loads of give - aways, dinner, photo booth, J-Walkers Drama Group and merchandise. I wish I could thank everyone who volunteered or donated but I am afraid I will miss someone. Therefore, I hope everyone knows how truly grateful I am for your help, encouragement and support!
Now the moment of truth......
This year was a rough one. I had so many things come against me, I was feeling out of sorts and just not with it. I tossed around the idea of making this year the last. *gasp* I know..... It is hard and a lot of work and things got the best of me. No matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I sought God...I still felt defeated. I felt like a hypocrite. I was pumping everyone up on being built for battle and created for war and I, myself, felt like I had lost the fight.
Typically, before B4B is even over, I have the tagline for next year. The event is called Built for Battle but each year there is a tagline - this year's was "Armed & Dangerous". I have noticed, over the years, the taglines have almost created a story. God's cool like that! But this year - I didn't have one. I always like to blog about the event while it is fresh. Therefore, I try to the following day (which is today). It has been a tradition that I announce the tagline for next year but I didn't have one. So I thought - maybe this *is* it!?
So, while I sat in the sanctuary today as Pastor Mark gave his sermon....my mind began to wander (sorry, Pastor!). As it did, I was thinking - "Ok, God.....you gotta give me something. What do you want me to do? Hang up the shield or continue on? If you want me to continue on......" that is as far as I got and the words came as clear as water.
God is good.
So....without further ado......
*drum roll*
BUILT FOR BATTLE '15
"Comrade in Arms"
Two are better than one...If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9
Pictures for B4B '14
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Pictures for B4B '14
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Born to Raise the Dead
Time flies, I think we can all agree on that mantra. It is nearing May and it is my "busy" season. First on the agenda is the Built for Battle (B4B) youth rally. We are entering our 5th year doing this event that was birthed out of a need rather than a want.
We were going to local conferences geared towards the youth, however the prices kept inclining. By the time hotel was figured out, gas, food and the registration for the event - we were talking around $100 for an overnight trip. While this may seem like a reasonable amount to some, it isn't to our group. Not only did the youth struggle to get the $100 (even with fundraising) but my kids were entering the youth group and for Matt, myself and my two children to go we are bordering on $400 (nope, youth pastors don't get a discount!).
Therefore, Matt toyed with the idea of creating our own event. Honestly, I was against it. I was already doing annual concerts geared towards the youth and didn't want to take on another event. But the more I thought about it, the more the idea intrigued me.
A name.
A name can make or break an event. I told Matt it had to be catchy and roll off the tongue. He tossed out a few that made me wrinkle my nose. I then shook my head and said - "No, it has to be something catching like Built for Battle or something like that." He didn't like it; I didn't really like it because I just spouted it off as an example. But the more I thought about it, the more I actually liked it. So it stuck.
Our first event was an overnighter and while it was fun, it was disastrous at the same time. We tried to take what we knew about conferences and do ours with that model. It didn't work. So, the following year we decided to make it one, long all day event. This worked perfectly. The key was not to model it after someone else but to make it our own.
So what is B4B?
Built for Battle is an all day event that is geared towards youth and young people (but all ages can attend). It is an event to equip this generation with the necessary tools to go out into a world and fight for the lost. It is an event where we demonstrate to this generation that they are valued, they have worth and that they were created with a purpose.
We do this event on a shoestring budget. The first few years we funded it out of our own pockets. Then we started to do fundraisers and ask for donations and while the funds are still minimal, God is not impressed by fancy lights and expensive give aways. His message gets across and He shows up ever time. He's good like that!
So our event is 7 hours on a Saturday. We try to make it not too late due to church the next day however, the Holy Spirit sometimes has his own agenda. We never do a formal dismissal. When the altars open, we explain they are free to leave at any time but we will stay as long as it takes to break strongholds and heal hearts. We have stayed over 2 hours while young people wept at the feet of Jesus and cried out for their generation. Looking on these youth that fill our floor at the front of the sanctuary, I feel so undeserving. I feel so humble that God uses me and all the volunteers to usher in His spirit to minister.
Our event has live music. We try to get a variety and we seek out local, unsigned talent. We want to support local music and we find that the artists that aren't signed are typically the best to have. They come early, they stay late, they talk with the kids, they minister and they are humble. We try to have a fun artist and a worship artist. We like to have fun but we also want to give glory where it is due.
We have guest speakers. We try to have at least one speaker be a youth/young adult. This is a youth rally therefore we feel they need to hear from their peers. Matt and I pray and follow God's lead on how he wants the final message to go. I did it last year and God gave me a message for this year that Matt and I will be working on together. I am pretty excited.
We have food. We sell concessions to make some profit to go into next year's fund but we also have a free dinner with dessert. We sell event tee shirts as well. We have loads of give aways. That is the best part of an event, right? Everyone likes to win something. Unfortunately, not everyone can but we do give away a lot of small stuff like cups, shirts, candy, drinks, etc. Then we have our door prize that values around $100.
We then throw in some fun stuff like JWalkers drama group, games, a photo booth, etc. It is loads of fun and we are truly blessed to be a part of it.
When we started this, our main goal was not charging an admission. We never wanted someone to be deterred from coming due to an inability to pay. Therefore, we offer all this for free. Yes, we have items you can purchase but someone could come to this event and not bring a dime and have a great time! We started out with about 50 people (most from our church). Our heaviest event had over 140. This year we anticipate over 100 with youth groups from around the area - some traveling about an hour!
It is just a little over 2 weeks away. Money is tight this year as businesses didn't want to be as generous as they have been in the past. However, I know this event is blessed by God and when God blesses something, He goes all the way - not just half way. I know I will have what I need and that the event will be phenomenal.
So, if you are reading this blog - just say a prayer for our event. Just pray for the building to be busting at the seams - not just with people but with His spirit. Pray that those who come don't leave the same way they entered and that the transformation stirs something inside them. Something that sticks to them like honey and is sweet to those around them. That they get a fire to change this generation, state, nation and world! Pray that they take that back to their city, family, school and community.
If you are a young adult/youth reading this - come check it out! May 17th, 2-9pm (cst) at The Bridge (615 W Clark) in Rensselaer. I promise you that you will not be disappointed.
If you are a youth leader or pastor - bring your group (register at www.thebridge-rensselaer.org). It is FREE and a fun time. We like to keep the event moving along and pack a lot in the time we have.
When we look out and see young (and old) people, face down at the altars crying for change within themselves and within their society - it is all worth it.
We were going to local conferences geared towards the youth, however the prices kept inclining. By the time hotel was figured out, gas, food and the registration for the event - we were talking around $100 for an overnight trip. While this may seem like a reasonable amount to some, it isn't to our group. Not only did the youth struggle to get the $100 (even with fundraising) but my kids were entering the youth group and for Matt, myself and my two children to go we are bordering on $400 (nope, youth pastors don't get a discount!).
Therefore, Matt toyed with the idea of creating our own event. Honestly, I was against it. I was already doing annual concerts geared towards the youth and didn't want to take on another event. But the more I thought about it, the more the idea intrigued me.
A name.
A name can make or break an event. I told Matt it had to be catchy and roll off the tongue. He tossed out a few that made me wrinkle my nose. I then shook my head and said - "No, it has to be something catching like Built for Battle or something like that." He didn't like it; I didn't really like it because I just spouted it off as an example. But the more I thought about it, the more I actually liked it. So it stuck.
Our first event was an overnighter and while it was fun, it was disastrous at the same time. We tried to take what we knew about conferences and do ours with that model. It didn't work. So, the following year we decided to make it one, long all day event. This worked perfectly. The key was not to model it after someone else but to make it our own.
So what is B4B?
Built for Battle is an all day event that is geared towards youth and young people (but all ages can attend). It is an event to equip this generation with the necessary tools to go out into a world and fight for the lost. It is an event where we demonstrate to this generation that they are valued, they have worth and that they were created with a purpose.
We do this event on a shoestring budget. The first few years we funded it out of our own pockets. Then we started to do fundraisers and ask for donations and while the funds are still minimal, God is not impressed by fancy lights and expensive give aways. His message gets across and He shows up ever time. He's good like that!
So our event is 7 hours on a Saturday. We try to make it not too late due to church the next day however, the Holy Spirit sometimes has his own agenda. We never do a formal dismissal. When the altars open, we explain they are free to leave at any time but we will stay as long as it takes to break strongholds and heal hearts. We have stayed over 2 hours while young people wept at the feet of Jesus and cried out for their generation. Looking on these youth that fill our floor at the front of the sanctuary, I feel so undeserving. I feel so humble that God uses me and all the volunteers to usher in His spirit to minister.
Our event has live music. We try to get a variety and we seek out local, unsigned talent. We want to support local music and we find that the artists that aren't signed are typically the best to have. They come early, they stay late, they talk with the kids, they minister and they are humble. We try to have a fun artist and a worship artist. We like to have fun but we also want to give glory where it is due.
We have guest speakers. We try to have at least one speaker be a youth/young adult. This is a youth rally therefore we feel they need to hear from their peers. Matt and I pray and follow God's lead on how he wants the final message to go. I did it last year and God gave me a message for this year that Matt and I will be working on together. I am pretty excited.
We have food. We sell concessions to make some profit to go into next year's fund but we also have a free dinner with dessert. We sell event tee shirts as well. We have loads of give aways. That is the best part of an event, right? Everyone likes to win something. Unfortunately, not everyone can but we do give away a lot of small stuff like cups, shirts, candy, drinks, etc. Then we have our door prize that values around $100.
We then throw in some fun stuff like JWalkers drama group, games, a photo booth, etc. It is loads of fun and we are truly blessed to be a part of it.
When we started this, our main goal was not charging an admission. We never wanted someone to be deterred from coming due to an inability to pay. Therefore, we offer all this for free. Yes, we have items you can purchase but someone could come to this event and not bring a dime and have a great time! We started out with about 50 people (most from our church). Our heaviest event had over 140. This year we anticipate over 100 with youth groups from around the area - some traveling about an hour!
It is just a little over 2 weeks away. Money is tight this year as businesses didn't want to be as generous as they have been in the past. However, I know this event is blessed by God and when God blesses something, He goes all the way - not just half way. I know I will have what I need and that the event will be phenomenal.
So, if you are reading this blog - just say a prayer for our event. Just pray for the building to be busting at the seams - not just with people but with His spirit. Pray that those who come don't leave the same way they entered and that the transformation stirs something inside them. Something that sticks to them like honey and is sweet to those around them. That they get a fire to change this generation, state, nation and world! Pray that they take that back to their city, family, school and community.
If you are a young adult/youth reading this - come check it out! May 17th, 2-9pm (cst) at The Bridge (615 W Clark) in Rensselaer. I promise you that you will not be disappointed.
If you are a youth leader or pastor - bring your group (register at www.thebridge-rensselaer.org). It is FREE and a fun time. We like to keep the event moving along and pack a lot in the time we have.
When we look out and see young (and old) people, face down at the altars crying for change within themselves and within their society - it is all worth it.
 |
| Band - From These Ruins |
 |
| Altar Time |
 |
| Praying for one another |
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Transformation - if I can do it, anyone can!
So I have been on a transformation journey. Many people have asked "how did you do it?" or "how can I do it?". Therefore, I thought I would blog about my accomplishments that have gotten me to this point. I would have blogged earlier but I was waiting for a milestone and am within a stone's throw away.
I started this journey to a healthier, happier me last fall - October to be exact. I had gotten to a point that I was in a state of depression. There were a lot of changes happening and, quite frankly, I didn't want to accept them. My kids were getting older, talking about college, talking about moving away....I realized I would be an empty nester in a few years and that really hit me hard. It was almost like I was going through a mourning period. A time where I was grieving the loss of my kids as they were leading into their adulthood. It wasn't a good place to be.
Therefore, I looked at myself and realized I had enough of the person I was staring at in the mirror. I was unhealthy, overweight, unhappy and was done. It was time to shed the weight.
It was easy to start with. I reverted back to low carb dieting (in a sense, Atkins). It had worked well before but it is definitely NOT for everyone. In the course of a couple months I shed 20 pounds, which was good considering it was over the holidays.
The first of the year rolled around and Matt convinced me to check out the gym. It had taken him the better part of the previous year to convince me to go. I thought I was going to be "that girl" - the overweight girl in the sea of hard, fit bodies. The one struggling to catch her breath, red faced and huffing and puffing while everyone else made it look effortless. To be honest, when we went to check out the gym - that is exactly the way it was. I looked around to see hard bodies lifting weights and I felt like a beluga in an ocean of sharks.
But, I was diligent. I went to the gym, on average, three times a week (often times more) taking classes. I did the treadmill at home and limited my calories. The crazy thing - I was enjoying it. I went to the gym on days I didn't want to, I went on days I didn't feel well, I went when the roads were icy, I went when I was sore........the point is - I went. No excuses.
One day I woke and realized my body had changed seemingly overnight. I was seeing muscles that had been dormant for most of my life, I was seeing bones that were masked by fat and I was taking shape instead of being just a mass. It felt good.
It all wasn't good though. There were weeks I gained (as much as 3 lbs), there was a period where I went over 2 weeks and hadn't lost a pound, there were times I almost cried because of the scale fluctuating. Then I realized - I will continue to work hard and not give up, no matter what the scale says. That number does not define who I am. So, with that being said - I have lost shy of 50 lbs since the beginning of the journey.
People ask me how I did it. Two things - eat less and move more. There is NO diet pill, NO magic shake, NO magic diet.....it isn't rocket science and does not happen over night. So, here is a break down of how I did it:
I limit my calories to 1200-1300 calories a day. Yes, there are days I squeak a little more but never do I go less. If you (as a woman) go less than 1200 calories, the body goes into starvation mode. It thinks it is starving and doesn't know when it's next meal is going to come so it hordes all the calories you intake and stores it. I eat every 3 hours, give or take. Again, this keeps the body working. It keeps the metabolism working so it doesn't slow down and become sluggish. I try to eat more protein - eggs, beans, meat, protein bars, Greek yogurt, etc. Protein takes longer to digest so the metabolism has to work harder to break it down into fuel (causes you to feel full longer too!). I don't clean eat....meaning eating all natural, not processed. If I want a snack, I eat it. I just eat less of it and don't exceed my calories. I hate....HATE drinking water. I think it is pointless because it has no nutritional value and no taste. However, the body needs it. Water flushes out impurities, helps fight hunger, good for hair/skin, flushes out sodium and replinishes the water you lose. So I try to drink more and haven't mastered the required amount just yet. I drink a lot of green tea, hot and cold. Drinking 3 cups a day has proven to speed up metabolism and has other health benefits. I can NOT drink unsweetened tea. So I use Truvia - all natural. I stay away from Splenda, Equal, Sweet and Low, etc.
I stop eating 3 hours before bed (usually I just shoot for between 9-10pm). That way my body doesn't slow down and hang onto the extra calories. By eating every 3 hours, I rarely feel hungry and if I do, I know that in an hour or so I get a snack.
I drink loads of green tea throughout the day, take a fish oil supplement as well as an iron and calcium supplement (or you can opt for a multivitamin).
I shop in bulk and separate at home. I buy frozen mixed fruit in the bag, baked chips, baked crackers, pretzels, etc and then separate them into baggies with the calories on the outside of the bag so I can grab and go. If we are going out, I plan ahead on where we will eat and look up the calories (we eat a lot of Subway!). Be warned - a lot of resturaunt foods are packed with sodium (even chicken breast, salads, etc). Sodium has health risks, obviously, but it can make the scale go up due to water retention.
Healthy eating DOES NOT MEAN MORE EXPENSIVE!!! Many people say "I would eat healthier if it wasn't so expensive". I spend the same amount on groceries as I did before, no lie. If I happen to spend a few extra dollars one week, I feel my life is worth it.
Now that food is taken care of - the dreaded exercise. Actually, I enjoy going to the gym - who knew? But..........I hate.....loathe....despise....the treadmill o' doom. I do it because it is a big calorie burner and I have one at home but I hate it.
I go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (sometimes Saturdays) and do an hour class on each of the days. On Fridays, I do 2 hours. On the days I don't go to the gym, I do the treadmill o' doom for at least 30 minutes. I typically do 3 miles, but lately I have been doing 2.5. I have a birth defect in my knee and sometimes it does not like the high impact of the treadmill. So I work out 6 days a week, sometimes 7. I try to force myself to rest on Sundays but I feel blah if I don't do something. I went from COMPLETELY sedentary - no exercise AT ALL - to exercising 6 days a week. If I can do it, anyone can!
I am not where I want to be but I am well on my way. 50 pounds down, 12 inches off my body and I bought a size large shirt the other day. That may not seem like a big deal but I went from a size 2 xl shirt to a large. My daughter kept telling me to stop buying 'fat' clothes......it is a mindset. Even buying that large shirt, I kept thinking it wouldn't fit. My mind is still in that heavier body. Weight loss and getting healthier is not just about food and exercise - it is a mental game.
I tried dieting and exercising before and quit when I didn't see the results I wanted. This time, I am determined. I feel like I wasted most of my life in a fat suit. I want to be healthy and not look through clothes trying to discretely see if they have my size and knowing that they won't. I am tired of wearing frumpy clothes to try to hide my size when in reality I wasn't hiding anything. I am tired of feeling like crap - all the time. Something clicked inside my head and the only thing I regret is that it didn't happen sooner.
With that being said - below is a before and after picture. I look at that now and am so proud of myself. Proud of the hard work I have done. I am also proud of Matt. He has taken the journey with me. He is down almost 30 pounds and still pushing through.
You can do it. Believe in yourself. It is never too late. I will be 39 years old this year. I have a lot more life in me. I don't want to be a spectator in life. I want to to slide into heaven exclaiming - "Whew! What a ride!".
I started this journey to a healthier, happier me last fall - October to be exact. I had gotten to a point that I was in a state of depression. There were a lot of changes happening and, quite frankly, I didn't want to accept them. My kids were getting older, talking about college, talking about moving away....I realized I would be an empty nester in a few years and that really hit me hard. It was almost like I was going through a mourning period. A time where I was grieving the loss of my kids as they were leading into their adulthood. It wasn't a good place to be.
Therefore, I looked at myself and realized I had enough of the person I was staring at in the mirror. I was unhealthy, overweight, unhappy and was done. It was time to shed the weight.
It was easy to start with. I reverted back to low carb dieting (in a sense, Atkins). It had worked well before but it is definitely NOT for everyone. In the course of a couple months I shed 20 pounds, which was good considering it was over the holidays.
The first of the year rolled around and Matt convinced me to check out the gym. It had taken him the better part of the previous year to convince me to go. I thought I was going to be "that girl" - the overweight girl in the sea of hard, fit bodies. The one struggling to catch her breath, red faced and huffing and puffing while everyone else made it look effortless. To be honest, when we went to check out the gym - that is exactly the way it was. I looked around to see hard bodies lifting weights and I felt like a beluga in an ocean of sharks.
But, I was diligent. I went to the gym, on average, three times a week (often times more) taking classes. I did the treadmill at home and limited my calories. The crazy thing - I was enjoying it. I went to the gym on days I didn't want to, I went on days I didn't feel well, I went when the roads were icy, I went when I was sore........the point is - I went. No excuses.
One day I woke and realized my body had changed seemingly overnight. I was seeing muscles that had been dormant for most of my life, I was seeing bones that were masked by fat and I was taking shape instead of being just a mass. It felt good.
It all wasn't good though. There were weeks I gained (as much as 3 lbs), there was a period where I went over 2 weeks and hadn't lost a pound, there were times I almost cried because of the scale fluctuating. Then I realized - I will continue to work hard and not give up, no matter what the scale says. That number does not define who I am. So, with that being said - I have lost shy of 50 lbs since the beginning of the journey.
People ask me how I did it. Two things - eat less and move more. There is NO diet pill, NO magic shake, NO magic diet.....it isn't rocket science and does not happen over night. So, here is a break down of how I did it:
I limit my calories to 1200-1300 calories a day. Yes, there are days I squeak a little more but never do I go less. If you (as a woman) go less than 1200 calories, the body goes into starvation mode. It thinks it is starving and doesn't know when it's next meal is going to come so it hordes all the calories you intake and stores it. I eat every 3 hours, give or take. Again, this keeps the body working. It keeps the metabolism working so it doesn't slow down and become sluggish. I try to eat more protein - eggs, beans, meat, protein bars, Greek yogurt, etc. Protein takes longer to digest so the metabolism has to work harder to break it down into fuel (causes you to feel full longer too!). I don't clean eat....meaning eating all natural, not processed. If I want a snack, I eat it. I just eat less of it and don't exceed my calories. I hate....HATE drinking water. I think it is pointless because it has no nutritional value and no taste. However, the body needs it. Water flushes out impurities, helps fight hunger, good for hair/skin, flushes out sodium and replinishes the water you lose. So I try to drink more and haven't mastered the required amount just yet. I drink a lot of green tea, hot and cold. Drinking 3 cups a day has proven to speed up metabolism and has other health benefits. I can NOT drink unsweetened tea. So I use Truvia - all natural. I stay away from Splenda, Equal, Sweet and Low, etc.
I stop eating 3 hours before bed (usually I just shoot for between 9-10pm). That way my body doesn't slow down and hang onto the extra calories. By eating every 3 hours, I rarely feel hungry and if I do, I know that in an hour or so I get a snack.
I drink loads of green tea throughout the day, take a fish oil supplement as well as an iron and calcium supplement (or you can opt for a multivitamin).
I shop in bulk and separate at home. I buy frozen mixed fruit in the bag, baked chips, baked crackers, pretzels, etc and then separate them into baggies with the calories on the outside of the bag so I can grab and go. If we are going out, I plan ahead on where we will eat and look up the calories (we eat a lot of Subway!). Be warned - a lot of resturaunt foods are packed with sodium (even chicken breast, salads, etc). Sodium has health risks, obviously, but it can make the scale go up due to water retention.
Healthy eating DOES NOT MEAN MORE EXPENSIVE!!! Many people say "I would eat healthier if it wasn't so expensive". I spend the same amount on groceries as I did before, no lie. If I happen to spend a few extra dollars one week, I feel my life is worth it.
Now that food is taken care of - the dreaded exercise. Actually, I enjoy going to the gym - who knew? But..........I hate.....loathe....despise....the treadmill o' doom. I do it because it is a big calorie burner and I have one at home but I hate it.
I go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (sometimes Saturdays) and do an hour class on each of the days. On Fridays, I do 2 hours. On the days I don't go to the gym, I do the treadmill o' doom for at least 30 minutes. I typically do 3 miles, but lately I have been doing 2.5. I have a birth defect in my knee and sometimes it does not like the high impact of the treadmill. So I work out 6 days a week, sometimes 7. I try to force myself to rest on Sundays but I feel blah if I don't do something. I went from COMPLETELY sedentary - no exercise AT ALL - to exercising 6 days a week. If I can do it, anyone can!
I am not where I want to be but I am well on my way. 50 pounds down, 12 inches off my body and I bought a size large shirt the other day. That may not seem like a big deal but I went from a size 2 xl shirt to a large. My daughter kept telling me to stop buying 'fat' clothes......it is a mindset. Even buying that large shirt, I kept thinking it wouldn't fit. My mind is still in that heavier body. Weight loss and getting healthier is not just about food and exercise - it is a mental game.
I tried dieting and exercising before and quit when I didn't see the results I wanted. This time, I am determined. I feel like I wasted most of my life in a fat suit. I want to be healthy and not look through clothes trying to discretely see if they have my size and knowing that they won't. I am tired of wearing frumpy clothes to try to hide my size when in reality I wasn't hiding anything. I am tired of feeling like crap - all the time. Something clicked inside my head and the only thing I regret is that it didn't happen sooner.
With that being said - below is a before and after picture. I look at that now and am so proud of myself. Proud of the hard work I have done. I am also proud of Matt. He has taken the journey with me. He is down almost 30 pounds and still pushing through.
You can do it. Believe in yourself. It is never too late. I will be 39 years old this year. I have a lot more life in me. I don't want to be a spectator in life. I want to to slide into heaven exclaiming - "Whew! What a ride!".
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Altitude Adjustment
God sent messengers to Israel to get them
on the right path. He sends them again
and again and they refuse to listen to the voices of the prophets. God speaks to them. And God will speak to you. Most of the time God won’t speak audibly and this is discouraging to people. We want some voice like James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman to boom down on us. More often than not.....that doesn't happen.
We have 3 parts of the body – the physical, the soul, the
spirit. The deepest part is the
spirit. God wants to speak to the
deepest part of you – the spirit. We have been studying The Story. It is a book compiled of the entire Bible but it takes the key moments, people and circumstances and condenses them into one book. We have to realize and recognize that we fit into God's story.
2 Chronicles 36:11-16
Zedekiah was twenty-one years old when he became king,
and he reigned in Jerusalem eleven years. He did evil in the eyes of the
Lord his God and did not humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet, who spoke
the word of the Lord. He also rebelled against King Nebuchadnezzar, who had
made him take an oath in God’s name. He became stiff-necked and hardened his
heart and would not turn to the Lord, the God of Israel. Furthermore, all
the leaders of the priests and the people became more and more unfaithful,
following all the detestable practices of the nations and defiling the temple
of the Lord, which he had consecrated in Jerusalem. The Lord, the God of
their ancestors, sent word to them through his messengers again and again,
because he had pity on his people and on his dwelling place. But they mocked
God’s messengers, despised his words and scoffed at his prophets until the
wrath of the Lord was aroused against his people and there was no remedy.
No remedy – what sad words.
How many remember precisely where you were on 9/11? Do you remember the chaos of the moment? What about Katrina?
Remember the pictures, damages, horrible devastation? We remember those vividly. We remember traumatic events.
Jeremiah was a prophet and he saw a day of judgment coming to Jerusalem. Jeremiah was often referred to as the weeping prophet. He cries and weeps (he also wrote the book of Lamentations and
Jeremiah) for the destruction and what was about to fall on Jerusalem and Judah. If only God's people had turned from their sins,
God could have spared Jerusalem. For them
there was no remedy.
Look at v 12 – something about humility and pride.
He did evil in the eyes of the Lord his God and did not
humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet, who spoke the word of the Lord
Pride tunes out the voice of
God. Pride says 'I don’t need to hear
God'. Humility turns towards the voice of God. God is good. God wants to bless his people. He desires it
because He is a good God. Humility tunes us
into the voice of God so that we can experience God’s blessing. He doesn’t bless us because we are special...He
does it because He is good. But if we are
prideful, we can’t get into that place where we can receive God's favor.
Humility is the key to God’s guidance and favor in our
lives. So often we think we are pretty
special and sometimes God has to come and pull us back down to earth.
Matt 23:12
For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those
who humble themselves will be exalted.
You put yourself in a place where you can receive the
blessing and promise of the Lord.
The key to obtaining blessing and favor of God is
humility! Humble yourselves before God. As you look at the scripture….Israel has already fallen in
the north and we are coming to the destruction of Judah in the south.
Some background – Zedekiah is the last king of
Judah. The northern kingdom had fallen
to the Syrians. But the southern is
still intact. During Judah’s reigns of 20 kings – 6 were good, 14 were bad. The average reign of a bad king was 12
years. When your reign ended in Judah,
no one gave you a going away party. When
you were finished, you were dead. That
is how we know your reign ended – you were assassinated, killed. The average reign of the good kings were 38
years – it pays to be good.
2 Chronicles 36:15
The Lord, the God of their ancestors, sent word to them
through his messengers again and again, because he had pity on his people and
on his dwelling place.
God is gracious, God is good and He keeps
reaching out again and again. God is patient and He sends prophet after
prophet. Jeremiah was sent specifically to
warn Zedekiah. When you read Jeremiah, one of
his central imageries in his prophecies was water. He talks about drinking pure water or that
Judah is drinking from dirty water – symbolic of their idolatry. This world’s water will never satisfy.
Jeremiah finally says disaster is coming because of your
arrogance. But Zedekiah won’t heed his
warning. Zedekiah is fearful of Jeremiah because
of his anointing so he won’t kill Jeremiah.
So he puts him in prison. Back then, some prisons were just a large cage in the middle of the palace. The only trouble is, where the prison is
located, Zedekiah can still hear Jeremiah calling out of destruction and
judgment coming - humble and repent and Zedekiah did not want to hear it. So he
throws Jeremiah down in the dungeon so he can’t hear him. But word keeps coming back to Zedekiah and he
doesn't know what to do with Jeremiah. You
can run but the word of God will seek you out wherever you are at.
Zedekiah throws Jeremiah into a dry, empty well because he can’t take
it anymore (remember Jeremiah's central imagaries for his prophecies? Water). You may think your boss or
teacher is tough. But if you were a
prophet in Judah or Israel, that is a deadly profession – you die.
v. 16
But they mocked God’s messengers, despised his words and
scoffed at his prophets until the wrath of the Lord was aroused against his people
and there was no remedy.
Eventually the cup of God’s wrath is filled to the tipping
point and comes to a point there is no remedy. God says this is enough. That patient God who warned them again and
again he finally says that is enough!
Nebuchadnezzar and the armies come and lay siege to Jerusalem for 2
years. They starve them out. Ezekiel, another prophet, prophesied saying
fathers would eat their children and children would eat their fathers. This is a terribly time to live in Judah – a
time of pain and destruction.
God warns us – again and again. Eventually there will come a time you will reap
what you sow. If in your pride you don’t
listen to the voice of God and if you shut him out, there will come a time God
will say there is no remedy. If you go
to work, come in late don’t do your job, eventually the boss will say you are
fired. If you use illegal drugs – you
get hooked and addicted and the habit comes in and takes control and God warns
you again and again…..and you become addicted and there is no remedy – reap
what you sow.
God is warning us again and again and if our pride and
arrogance say we don’t need you, we will suffer the consequences. God gives us laws and the book, not for His
benefit – but for ours. Everything you will ever
need is in the Bible – marriage, finances, raising kids.
We can humble ourselves and heed God’s warnings, or in our
pride we can ignore them and go over the cliff.
Our nation has thumbed its nose at God – and we wonder why our families
are falling apart, our schools are in trouble, our nation is debt and we have a
major drug problem. If we, in our pride,
say to God we don’t need you anymore we will suffer the consequences.
Before it is too late, God has given us a remedy – for our
nation, our lives, and our families.
2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble
themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I
will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
There is a remedy today. Nebuchadnezzar comes in and destroys Jerusalem.
He takes the best and brightest to Babylon. It is possible to live holy lives into an
unholy world – look at Daniel. Nebuchadnezzar
leaves Jerusalem and leaves Zedekiah in charge.
To show how stupid Zedekiah is, he not only rebels against God but he
decides to rebel against the king. So Nebuchadnezzar comes back and he is angry. He takes Zedekiah's sons and drags them out and
kills them. Then he takes hot pokers and
burns out Zedekiah's eyes. Then he throws
him in prison to live with his regrets.
Sometimes we say God where are you in all this? Why am I going through this? My world is falling apart. But more often these are messes we brought on
ourselves. However, God reaches out again and again and He speaks to us but our pride
won’t allow us to listen. Then God says
– have it your way. Israel and Judah are
so scattered, they don’t become a nation again until 1948. Pride says do your own thing, you are in
charge. But we end up being controlled
by something else. Something will rule
over you (addiction). So when you say
you will be in charge of yourself, in reality you will be under slavery of the enemy. Pride is something we all deal with. How do we handle it?
Three things--
1. Repent of pride
How do we see pride in the world in relation to hearing the
voice of god?
A. There are those who don’t believe in God – atheists. There are very few true atheists in the world. Most are
agnostic - meaning there may or may not be a God, I don’t care. Not gonna listen to any warnings, I am my own
man. God is a crutch that I don’t need.
I am hoping you aren’t in that category.
Some of us are functional atheists – that means we believe in God, we
know there is a God but we live apart from god doing our own thing.
That’s pride – dangerous.
B. 911 Jesus – I will call him in my time of need. I do what I want, I am good, God I got it
covered, I am in control, life is good – but as soon as a tragedy hits we get
serious and pray.
D. Most fall into this – I believe in God and I love God but I
am just too busy. I got so much going
on. I am sorry I can’t pray, read the
word, tune in, go to church….I am too busy.
That is pride of self-importance.
It is the ‘world needs me’ syndrome.
How do we deal with this?
Repent and humble ourselves – saying I am wrong and God is right.
2. Listen and Surrender
Put God’s ways ahead of yours. Jeremiah knew that captivity was coming and even
knew how long – 70 yrs.
Jeremiah 29:10-14
This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are
completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring
you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the
Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen
to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from
captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have
banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from
which I carried you into exile.”
Jeremiah writes this when the people were at the very lowest and even
in the midst of that, God says 'I still have plans'. Even though Israel is scattered forever,
Judah rebuilds 70 yrs. later. Why? Because Judah is the tribe the messiah comes from
and God is going to keep his tribe intact.
And so God says 'I have plans for you'.
If the walls of your life seem to be crumbling – God says I
got some good plans for you. Don’t give
up, just stop and listen – turn to me. I
got something good for you.
James 4:6-7
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Sometimes we blame the devil but most messes are created by
our own doing. Humility simply says –
you are God and I am not.
3. Give God the credit
Humility gives God all the credit. It isn’t about us, it is about God and His
glory. For very blessing and success
goes to God.
Jeremiah 9:23-24
This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong
boast of their strength or the rich boast
of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the
understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and
righteousness on earth, for in these I
delight,” declares the Lord.
Don’t be arrogant with God’s blessings. Give Him the credit. He is so good. There are so many times that if we don’t humble
ourselves, He will do it for us. As soon
as we start thinking we are all that – bam – we will fail just to put us in
check.
Often times, my failure is my fault because of my own pride – failure to trust
God. But ALL success is God’s
goodness.
God has a plan for your life.
Psalm 20:7-8
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in
the name of the Lord our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and
stand firm.
Incredible. Put your
trust in God – praise is about boasting in the Lord. Humility is the key to the favor of God. Let God readjust your altitude so you aren’t
so high in your own pride.
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